Parenting my parents

[PsychedelicFur]

Hello there, PSYCHEDELICFUR here again. How are you?
I hope your Saturday has been relaxing and peaceful.

Now, ever since I was four people have told me “WOW, you are definitely so wise beyond your years.” And I was able to hold adult conversations when I was three or four years of age. And the problem with that was sometimes my father would go to me for advice.

I have had to, in someway parent my parents. Like, when my mum left with her previous abusive ex partner that she emotionally cheated on my dad with I kept telling her she will get hurt and things don’t seem right. As my intuition kept telling me something was not correct about the whole situation and that particular individual. And she completely ignored my words of protection and warnings and she ended up getting hurt by this person. Both emotionally and to a degree, physically. Now she is in a relationship with someone else and my gut instinct is telling me that something is not right about this situation too.

it’s very very draining and excruciatingly exhausting that I have to parent my parents.. and sometimes they don’t listen to me. My mother has learning difficulties and I have been told by some people that she has the mentality of a thirteen year old girl. And when I try to protect her and tell her not to do things she says ‘I’m not having a seventeen or eighteen year old tell me what to do!! Butt out, it doesn’t concern you.”

Feeling disorientated.. like I haven’t found my place in this world. On one hand I am a misfit and a little bit ‘eccentric’ if you will when I’m amongst my university peers. And then I have to sometimes parent my parents. It’s exhausting because I know I am far more wiser than a lot of individuals my age but the point is I don’t fit in. And my dad goes to me for advice quite often. And its sometimes him asking for my input. However most times he is asking me how he can fix a situation.

My dad will ask for advice sometimes and not listen to my advice and it just goes in one ear and out the other.

My parents are finalising their divorce. I have to move house. I’m in a state of confusion and heartache at the moment.

sick of this situation.

Needed to vent.
PSYCHEDELICFUR.

[smallwolf]

I know it can be frustrating when you give advice to someone and they go and do the opposite. It does not have to be your parents.

And perhaps part of it might be that you are an adult now and your parents relate to you as such in conversations. There may also be an element of they respect your abilities or strengths in certain areas ... even if they don't actually do what you suggest? I am just throwing thoughts out there.

Maybe there are some boundaries to put in place that you and your parents do not talk about? I was talking about worries with my psychologist today, and whether things were my worries or other people worries. If it is another persons worries then boundaries and listening is OK. But when I take on their issues and try to help and problem solve, in the end it is generally ME that feels bad and low, not the others 😞

Peace to you.

[missep123]

Hi PsychedelicFur,

I feel you. That must be very confusing to be a parent to your parent at times, especially when you are trying to navigate your way through life and figure out your identity.

When I was reading your post it really reminded me of when someone was telling me about helping others when it was draining their cup. Do you feel like you give a lot of yourself when you have to give the advice you mentioned to your parents? Are there things you can do that can help 're-fill' your cup? For example any hobbies you like doing?

Here for you!