The earliest recollection of fear was a situation where I was about 8 years old. The fear was wearing an item of clothing that had, what I believed at the time, tiny holes that were their because a mouse had nibbled it. I didn't want the clothing to touch my skin. I remember all that crying and a feeling of not being comforted or understood.
Feelings of dread and fear came to me, when it was the days we drove out to see my grandparents and other relatives. I hated having to be amongst other people, I always felt like I was sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else living, talking, laughing and jumping around. It seemed like no one saw me at all. I am trying to think now, if anyone said anything to me, but I don't recall that. I only remember the feeling of loneliness, the feeling that something was wrong with me. I think the only reason at all that I liked it was so I could eat sweet biscuits, cakes and chocolate ice creams from Mr Whippy, with the music. In my teenage years when it was that day to visit, that same dread and fear would re visit me. To the point where I refused to go at all, so I would hide at home, sometimes curled up under my blankets, because it was dark and our home was situated in a remote area. Please to not mis understand my parents were very kind and I now know they loved me the best they knew how.And I cherish them with all my heart.
Anyone else had similar experiences while they grew up?
With kindness to you dear reader.
Shelley anne
