Overwhelming anxiety is too much

[BrokenDreamer]

Hi. I'm new. I've joined because I've just fallen into a mental state I've never experienced before.

I've had generalised anxiety for a long time, but recently I was triggered into a state of excessive anxiety that is more than I can deal with. I'm sick, I can eat, I can't sleep...

I listen to guided relaxations but my heart won't stop thumping and my mind constantly jumps to thoughts that drive my anxiety up. I wake up at 2am with heart palpitations.

So much about anxiety talks about how it feels like there's a threat, when in fact you're safe, but I'm not safe. I have to move out of my rental in 2 days. I'm putting all my life in storage and going to couch surf at my ex husband's house (he is not a threat). I'm a 43 year old autistic mother of 2 kids with no idea what I'm going to do. I can't stay with my ex for a long time. It's only temporary.

How am I supposed to calm down and function normally when my anxiety keeps erupting with every little thing that's going on in my life?

I'm exhausted.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Broken Dreamer, welcome to the Beyond Blue community. We hope the forums provide you with as much support and advice as you're looking for.  It sounds like you're in a really tough space at the moment and we can hear how exhausted you are. Is there anything you can do for yourself right now? Something that’s enjoyable or relaxing?

It might be useful to link in with someone who can support you. We’re available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our professional mental health counsellors at our Support Service will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area. You might also like to check out the Head to Health website for information that could help you manage this situation. Here's one article you might like to read. 

Please let us know in your next post how we can best support you here on the forums.   

[BrokenDreamer]

Hello thank you for your reply.

I don't know how anyone can help me. Even in my scattered sleep, my nightmares are full of anxiety.

I guess I just want a switch to turn it off. I have to finish packing today and I have no appetite to fuel myself. I had hardly any sleep.

I just feel awful.

[james1]

Hello BrokenDreamer,

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling awful and in excessive anxiety. I understand you feel like nobody can help you, and perhaps that may feel like you have to do all this stuff on your own.

I would like to suggest that you are correct that the helplines Sophie_M suggested may not be able to help you sleep or pack or eat, but perhaps they can take some of that mental load by letting you speak your thoughts to someone.

When I feel overwhelmed, I really want to tell people how overwhelmed I am and the two things I usually tell them are the things I need to do but can't, and the consequences if I can't do them. Usually, while I may not feel all that much better afterwards, I do feel a little bit more motivated to do at least one thing. And that one thing, can lead to another.

I understand you may do things differently to me, but perhaps it could help to just focus on one thing at a time and I have often found that telling someone what I need to do can sometimes give me that clarity.

Anyway, you mentioned you need to finish packing today. Is that something you can chunk down and do a bit at a time?

James

[BrokenDreamer]

Thank you for your reply.

I am all packed, but an endless stream of what-ifs keeps scrolling through my mind.

I am so tired, but every time I lie or sit down I think of one little thing to do.

I ate an avocado earlier, so I'm pleased about that. I feel good that I can get something down.

The worst part is that all my stuff is going into storage and I still have a lot of problems to work out. There's no real end in sight.

I feel so much compassion and love for everyone going through terrible times right now. All around the world, there's so much going on and so much suffering. I hate that there's so much pain in the world right now.

[Emmen]

Hello BrokenDreamer,

I'm glad you had something to eat. Despite how you're feeling, it's important you try to have something every now and then - even if it's just small meals at intervals.

You sound overwhelmed with all the things you have to do, combined with the anxieties around the "what ifs" of the situation. One suggestion I have is to break down the things you have to do into small chunks in a To Do list. Tick off what you have completed so that you feel like you're in control of somethings. Some things may feel like they have no end in sight, but breaking them down into smaller activities can allow you to feel like you're getting somewhere.

Aside from that, please consult a GP. Losing sleep and not being able to eat will affect your physical wellbeing, and that is not something that should be left unattended.

Take care,
Emmen

[BrokenDreamer]

Thank you. I have talked to my gp a lot over this period, and my psychologist and even my psychiatrist.

My gp prescribed me medication, but it didn't help and after a few days of taking it I felt even worse, sick, woozy, awful.

My psychiatrist suggested I increase my dose of ssri, but it also made me feel woozy.

I couldn't function at all with those meds, so I stopped and just tried to deal with the crazy anxiety that hits every day at 2am and lasts until 4pm then, for some reason, it eases.

Moving day is tomorrow and I have to get up early, which is probably fine because I don't have much to do other than shove some things in my car and try to communicate with the removalists, although I expect I'll feel pretty awful.

A friend who lives close by said I can go to her place if I need a rest. So that's good.

Then after tomorrow I have the rest of my life to sort out, because I still have to find a place to live.

At least this part will be over.

[james1]

Hello BrokenDreamer,

I just wanted to send you a quick message since you have a lot on today already.

Nice work with the packing. I'm glad you managed to get that done and have a bit of food as well.

All the best with moving day today.

James

[BrokenDreamer]

Thank you.

I had to wake up early, but I was awake anyway, and the movers were so nice. They took care of everything and let me go. I had an hour and a half drive to my temporary accommodation.

It is good to have that behind me.

I never knew until these last few weeks how bad anxiety could get. How utterly debilitating. I've lost 7kgs.

I feel loopy now. I have a huge amount of cortisol to release. I actually had blood tests that showed how elevated my cortisol was.

And now I know what's possible, what can happen, I know I need to get a handle on it.