overwhelmed

[guest123456]

sorry if this is alot i just rlly need to get my thoughts down. i've always suffered with anxiety (undiagnosed) but its been manageable however this year its gotten rlly bad. i started uni this year and the course im doing is incredibly competitive. my y12 results made it so i couldn't go to the same uni as my friends who are also doing the same course and i feel like i have no friends in uni. im always so scared to even open up uni modules bc it feels overwhelming how much i have to do. i start thinking about what my future is going to look like and i get overwhelmed bc im scared i wont have a job or anything and i'll have to live paycheck to paycheck. im also rlly scared of my parents dying despite them being relativley healthy as i dont want to be left alone. im js rlly alone and scared and overwhelmed and i know its a problem but i dont want to burden my parents by telling them and i want to change my habits but don't know where to start. i tried to create goals but thinking about my goals had me overthinking and js left me feeling drained. i dont know what to do. sometimes i even contemplate committing because it would take the anxiety and uncertainty away but ive never acted on the thoughts. if theres someone who has gone through something similar or is going through something similar and has advice i would rlly appreciate anything at this point. 

[TrueSeeker]

Hello

I'm so sorry that you feel like this. Anxiety can make everything feel much worse and can make it all much harder. Please don't be afraid or ashamed to ask for help as they make it much easier to deal with and help you to get through it.

I can see that you're worrying about your future a lot. It's completely ok to just focus on one day at a time and see what comes out of it. Yes, bad things might happen but also good things might happen too. We don't know, all we can do is our best and hope that things will work out and if not deal with it if it comes.

It's hard to deal with new environment and new way of doing things for everyone. It does take some time to adjust to uni and the way things get done. Especially not having friends there yet and feeling alone. Maybe just taking little steps at a time and see how it goes to remove the pressure can help.

Also have you tried relaxation techniques? They can help a lot to calm the anxiety down. I like walking or any gentle activity and use it to calm down and align my thoughts with reality. Sometime I need constant reminding that it's not as bad but eventually it sinks in.

Please be nice to yourself and let us know how you're going as just sharing our feelings, thoughts and stories can help a lot too

[Guest_59537695]

Hey,  the amount of change you're going through right now would rattle more folk than would admit it. As the parent of someone who faced the same thing as you starting Uni, I was DESPERATE for her to open up about the stress to us... it was obvious to us, but you don't want to be seen as interfering. Unless your relationship with your parents is 'sub-optimal' (I bet they've been asking you how it's going, haven't they?) there's much less burden knowing how your'e truly (not) coping than trying to suppress all the bizare notions you come up with when you KNOW you're kid isn't coping but they're not sharing it... seriously.  

Remember, there are supports at Uni too... if you're in the 'right course for you', then reach out to the Counsellors... you cannot learn anything if you're in a state of 'freeze' or flight. If you're not in the 'right course', the time to change is now... move to something adjacent, cut down your study load, add something you love and cut something you hate. In the long run, I hear you about job/financial stability, but 'doing well' under the stress of anxiety is NOT going to happen, nor will it make you the prize catch when you graduate! Being kind to yourself and perhaps taking the scenic route may be the best way to ensure you complete *something* and to make you a better rounded individual when you finally get your cap and gown anyway. Or, lean on whatever counselling — including your parents — you can, but know that YOU need to be convinced you're on the right path first, and if not, to alter your trajectory to be the best you can be. Having your parents on-side may be all that you need to get straight back on-track anyway; but you'll never know unless you let them in. Older parents (like me; maybe yours?) know especially that it is NOT as easy for you lot as it was for us! Good luck... and by all means (if I haven't scared you off!!!) feel free to ask me more questions. All the best. 

[User-]

Hey, first things first I am SO glad that you got this out somewhere because I was in the exact same boat of an overload of anxiety and not wanting to feel like a burden to anyone and it just all built up within me. Turns out, people actually do care to listen to your problems, us as humans are problem solvers and we naturally want to fix things so surprisingly enough, people do want to hear it if you need to talk about it. Despite what I just said, I’m still struggling with talking to people when I have problems because I have literally been invalidated by my parents anytime I had a problem and told them, I’m not saying that yours will be the same, but, it is completely normal to feel like a burden when needing to talk about your problems, especially when things in the past have happened and have made you feel invalidated. I’ve also just recently had my ex friend now say to me that, “your sense of urgency is fucked”, her words exactly, and that was just me needing to talk about my problems urgently because it was stressing me out. What I’m trying to get at is, your problems no matter how bizarre or stupid that they may seem to other people, are still very valid and, people want to hear them, and if anyone invalidates that, they’re just not the people to talk to about it. I’m now learning that you can talk to your problems to anyone, it’s not a burden, it’s just conversation, especially if you’re looking for a solution. And as of making friends, I’m in the same boat, I barley have any, maybe just one at this point. What I’m going to do is start becoming a regular at a cafe or something so that over time, I will naturally become friends with people there. Also complimenting random strangers really helps too, talking about anything really. I’m so sorry about all of the anxiety, it makes things really cloudy and your whole sense of clarity just disappears and suddenly everything seems unfixable. I’d definitely recommend pouring into a hobby and making it a priority to do everyday because, everyone needs a break from their problems, plus, it naturally calms you down.  I hope this helped in someway:)