Overwhelmed with anxiety

[Carpetenthusiast]

I'm 28 years old, and I mainly first had anxiety as a teenager when I used to worry about neurological conditions like MS etc. For some condition worries I went to the doctor, some I didn't. A psychiatrist at the time told me I had health anxiety.

Fast forward to today, I had recently been avoiding a knee injury, and this lead me to thinking "What if I've been avoiding the MS worry, I never got an MRI...". So I spiralled into anxiety about MS, as I've always had shaky hands, twitches etc. I went to my GP and he didn't suspect anything but referred me to an MRI anyway.

When the results came back, there was no sign of MS and the sort but it said "mild enlargement of ventricle, but in proportion to the subarachnoid space". My GP thought it could be damage from something. The ventricles enlarge with old age and dementia where the surrounding tissue atrophies and the ventricles expand. He said it's probably nothing major but referred me to a neurologist.

The neurologist did some basic tests, measured my head circumference, looked at the MRI and report and said everything looks fine. He said my head circumference is above average so it's proportionate and the ventricle didn't look big to him anyway, he said the report has been "over-reported". He said "even if it's big it's almost certainly always been that way".

So that seemed fine, but I remembered that a few years back I had a crazy party phase and did alot of ecstasy pills and went to raves and the like quite a bit. At the time my friend told me I was being forgetful of things like where I put my lighter etc, and he thought the ecstasy would be to blame. When I reduced it at the time, those symptoms went away, even though I did some pills every now and then until I grew out of it. I told my GP about the ecstasy, but not about the forgetfullness it seemed to cause at the time. He didn't think it would be related.

I'm mainly worried because I didn't tell the neurologist about the ecstasy phase. I did tell both doctors though that I've been going to boxing training the past year or so. This is another side anxiety, in fact getting concussed the other day triggered these worries. I don't spar(practice box) that much though and don't usually go hard, but did get a few mild concussions. I've decided to stop it now.

I am overhwhelmed with quite a bit of anxiety right now. Thankfully I made a psychologist's appointment next week for another reason earlier. But at the moment I feel crippled with anxiety

I've been painfully googling, and did see that ecstasy can cause memory issues temporarily, the physical damage didn't include my case of enlargement, but had some other possbilities of physical damage, and I don't even know in what category of a user I would be classed into.

I'm going back to uni soon, and I've felt I've been coming back to my original academic self that's been on pause for quite some time, and I'm in extreme fear that along the way I've damaged my only original talent, which was that I was book smart in school.

My mum also sent the report to a specialist, and he said that's not a concern, although he only read the report and didn't see the MRI. The issue is I can't mention that

ecstasy bit and had to come online to talk about it, and I went to forums for anxiety help in my teenage years when I had health anxiety.

On other words, I was at the time "binging" ecstasy every week and sometimes more, so my usage was quite high. I apologise for the walls of text, I'm just feeling crippled and don't know how I'll even make it a week before the psychologist appointment, which I made due to some other unrelated anxieties and issues. Even having anxiety is giving my anxiety that it might be due to a brain issue.

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi there Carpetenthusiast,

Great to see you reaching out on the forum and well done for taking so many steps towards understanding your mind and your body. This is not an easy accomplishment for some people. The body does things that the mind cannot comprehend and it creates a 'worry'.. It sounds as though you have had alot of screening and testing from GPs and Neurologists. This is also a testament to your commitment to healing and it is really great to hear that from what they have seen and what you have shared in your post, things appear mostly normal. Although as a person who understands going in and out of university, I would image that going back to uni could be a bit stressful as well as all the other things you have been through. You are not alone.

Worry or anxiety about your health is really common and really really uncomfortable. You have said that you have a psychology appointment in a weeks time. This is a great step. I wonder if you have visited any online health sites to help you get through this coming week? There are places like 'Mindspot' or 'Moodgym' that have great reviews where you can learn more about anxiety and get some interim support prior to your psychology appointment.

Another option would be to engage in learning something called 'mindfulness'. You can research this on the beyondblue website/google or another option would be to look at an app called 'Smiling Mind' which will walk you though some basics. Being 'mindful' can offer moments of rest to a worried mind which can be really beneficial even if the practice is short.

I won't overwhelm you with other options but these are a few to try. If you feel comfortable writing on the forum, then perhaps checking in here each day could be beneficial to you until you make it to your psychology appointment if you feel comfortable doing so.

We are here... and we are listening.

Nurse Jenn

[Carpetenthusiast]

Thanks heaps for your reply, I really appreciate it. I'm checking out those sites and the app. I'm a little calmer today but it comes and goes.