Out of place

[Guest_10307]

I have always struggled with thoughts people just don't like me. 

I overthink every interaction, examine every facial expression, everything said in every conversation and my head tells me- 'We don't like you, your boring- if you were to disappear tomorrow we wouldn't care." 

I burn myself out trying to people please - and I always need perfection from myself. I judge myself, even writing this- and by the time it's actually published (if I eventually hit post) you can guarantee its been re-written 50 times because I wasn't happy with how I portray myself. 

So with these two factors in play, I am so lonely- yet in a social setting often too scared to speak because the perfectionist in me doesn't want to say the wrong thing. 

[Croix]

Dear New Member~

I suspect being commitment-phobic is fear of something going wrong, I get htat from an anxiety condition, though it does get less as times goes on.

I'm sorry abut that particular psych, finding ones that bulk bill is not easy. Perhaps if you wrote things down in point for and handed it over at the start of the session it might go more your way.

I think lawn bowls is an excellent idea. Most clubs are crying out for younger members as the club's members get older and retire. Is there one near you?

Croix

[Guest_10307]

There's a few, but so far all meets are during work time- Weekends seem to be for the group barefoot party bookings. 

I also thought of golf, but quickly established its well out of my price league. 

[Croix]

Dear New Member~

That's a bit of a nuisance. I also agree golf appears to be an expensive sport. I guess you keep trying and see what pops up. Libraries and local councils tend to have lists of what's on.

Have you considered Mens Tables or Mens Sheds?

Croix

[Guest_10307]

I would assume there is an equivalent of a men's shed for women. 

For now, I just have to keep plodding on. Another weekend looming and aside from a dentist appointment- I'm still searching for something to do. 

I went to the leagues club Sunday just gone to watch the football- it was busy, but after only 15 minutes I had some guy tap me on the shoulder to "come sit on my knee". 

I left. 

[Croix]

Dear new Member~

I apologize, I should have pointed out the the sheds do in fact have female days, in fact as they are partly funded by the government that is one of the conditions. Not for everybody's taste I admit.

Unlike the leagues clubs they do have the advantage of having fewer people, and one can get to know them. 

When confronted wiht someone who makes an improper suggestion it is difficult, I guess as it may be hard to think of how to say no the really works to stop them trying again. While leaving is one answer that is unfair as you are the one that misses out.

Can you think of a suitable negative come-back htat might work? It might come in handy on other future occasions too.

I was in hospital a few days ago and noticed they make use of volunteers in non medical tasks on weekends, another place to try maybe.

Croix

[Guest_10307]

It's not been a kind couple of weeks. 

No customers at work = no commission. Its been a few lean months on the trot now and the financial pressure is becoming all consuming. 

I've been retreating more than ever because I can't afford to do anything, my confidence is nonexistent. 

Before payday last week I found myself with 36 cents in my account. I find myself just crying constantly. 

I'm 31 years old and in a worse financial position now than I was in my 20's. Alone, tired, stressed out of my mind. And frustrated. 

I try to tell myself things will get better, but I'm not really sure I believe it. The last 10 years has proven the opposite.  

I've applied for jobs to do on weekends, but so far no luck- and honestly that is also getting me really down because I'm exhausted from full time already.. 

I guess I know at present I just have to do the best I can, but I really need to just feel heard. 

[Croix]

Dear New Member~

I've been silent as I've been ill (my avatar changes to "Gone Fishing" when I"m not around. I'm saying this so you know you are heard - even after a delay that might make you think otherwise.

Not having customers and being on a commission basis makes things woefully hard. As you have changed once in your organisation can you change again to a better paid position?  Getting on wiht colleagues is not as important as eating.

OK you cry, and that is as much because of circumstances as anything else. May I suggest when yu feel overwhelmed you take a positive act and learn relaxation/mindfulness. Please don't be put off by the word mindfulness, wait and see.

I use a free smartphone app called Smiling Mind, which has an awful lot of exercises, and caters to all levels, from newbie to expert.  It takes practice (Don't say I didn't warn you 🙂

It puts you in a calmer state no longer thinking of all the things that are wrong. If you have a favorite activity - maybe reading, like me - then is the time to do it.

Again I apologize for seeming to abandon you

Croix

PS how about getting yourself a name here, Guest_10307 is so impersonal?