OCD STRESSES

[KFPDW]

I've been told that I'm way too hard on myself by lots of people. I can't help it I feel like this is hardwired into me. Like I should be able to get even little things right the first time round. I shouldn't be getting annoyed every time I fail or mess up or can't get things right.

I feel like this can be applied to a lot of things in my life that if I don't get something right the first time or perfect even, I get really upset and angry at myself automatically. It's not easy feeling this way like I got to get things right all the time. 😦 It's so hard. I feel like it’s hardwired into my brain since forever. If I can’t get something right the first time then doesn’t matter how many tries I make afterwards or find ways to improve to get better, the fact remains I feel like I should have had it the first time and there’s no reason why I shouldn’t. Especially when it’s something I know how to do well. It’s like this friction that I just can’t do it or look at whatever I do because it’s just there. That I failed at something I should be able to do. It feels frustrating and my brain locks on this ongoing cycle that won’t stop. 😔

The OCD stresses can get really annoying. I feel like they are invisible barriers that prevent me from enjoying things in life. Like there’s this special edition book I got for my birthday last year from my Mum and I really treasure it. It’s a huge heavy volume. Only a few days after I got it, in my haste to put it away when we had guests coming to the house, One of the pages got caught as I was closing it and there’s this sort of 2 vertical creases on the front page. And no matter how much I try to smooth it out, I won’t go away. It doesn’t stop me from reading the book and it’s not like it’s water damage or anything like that. But it’s sucks to know that it’s there, it can’t be fixed in anyway I know who because it bends both ways and it happened a few days after I got it.

It’s a special book and I didn’t want that sort of thing to happen, at least so soon. And I feel like I can’t read it because it happened. I’ve been told that creases and worn pages show how much a book is loved and what not. But I feel like the creases is something that could have been easily avoided and I’m annoyed at myself that it happened. This is the sort of hell I live with in my head that won’t go away. 😦 😕

[Petal22]

I’m glad that my advice makes sense to you…….. 😊

Remember OCD works on a sliding scale some days will be better than others but eventually the good days will out weigh the bad ones…….. just keep persevering…

Meditation is great, I believe it got me over the line…… try to look for a guided meditation for learning to watch your thoughts……….. you can google this there are some on u tube……… try to meditate every day… it takes practice…..

Im glad your therapy is helping you to move forward……. Stick with it…….. put in the work……. In time you will benefit from it.. the results can be amazing.

I believe we are all learning and growing in our own time…… just keep moving forward and put in the practice it will pay off.

Im here if you ever want to chat