OCD and Intrusive Thoughts

[aryastark]

Hi everyone,

I was diagnosed with OCD four years ago; when I was seventeen years old. Since then, I've come a long way with the help, patience and guidance of my wonderful psychologist. But at times, I feel like I'm back to where I started; at the mercy of a terrifying, debilitating anxiety. The intrusive thoughts - mostly fear of harming my immediate family and my loving dogs. The irrational anxiety - panic attacks, feeling nothing but alarm and terror. The compulsion - alarming the house at night so that my family are protected from me. 

Therapy has taught me that these thoughts are just what they are - thoughts. And my psychologist has told me that they are alarm bells - warning me of some false danger. I need only to tell myself that I am safe, as are my family and pets. I need only tell myself that I have nothing to fear, because nothing is going to happen. 

But sometimes, I can't help but put self-judgement ahead of rationality. I am often left, powerless and weary, at the mercy of my intrusive thoughts. If I do get a rare moment of peace, I start to feel uncomfortable. I feel like the thoughts are just biding their time, waiting to attack. Poisoning my heart, my soul. Turning me into the very thing I fear the most. 

I live in fear of my own mind. In fear of myself. What if I am capable of that? As I write, I feel nothing but ice-cold panic.

Rare moments of peace are fleeting. Just like that, they are gone. Just like that, I am fighting again. Fighting tooth and nail for a semblance of normality. For a semblance of what people call "peace of mind". I'm not sure I'm familiar with the concept. If I was at some point, then I've forgotten it long ago. 

I want to get better. I want to be able to control these thoughts, to lessen the power they have over me. 

But

I' m afraid. Afraid they will somehow corner me, drain the strength out of me. I' m afraid that I'm going to lose. 

I read a quote somewhere which basically said that when we are weak, it is the time we are strong. I hope that's true because sometimes, I feel anything but.

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[white knight]

Hi, welcome to Beyond Blue forums

Rampaging thoughts are not a nice feeling. I've had it mildly. My wife has mild OCD also.

But as far as general anxiety goes it took many years for mine to be cured. 25 in fact.

!987 and my anxiety I had most of my then 31 years of life had peaked. I went on medication and visits to an occupational therapist. His reminding me of "is that realistic" when I told him of my wild assumptions hit home. The medication lasted 12 years. The relaxation techniques including muscle tensioning exercises and deep breathing became automatic for my prior to sleep.

There is no "quick fix" for many mental health illnesses. Give yourself time because time is another link in the chain of recovery.

Take care       Tony WK

[Graceeeeee]

Hi aryastark

Just letting you know that you're not alone, one way of getting better is to just keep talking to us on this forum! Sharing makes it all better, for me helping others get better is a way of helping myself too.

Hope to see you here again, take care 🙂

Grace xx

[Mooky_Kooky]

Hey Arayastark

I 100% understand how you are feeling. Intrusive thoughts can be completely terrifying and seem to appear out of no where. They seem so real and so intense that we react to them causing feelings of anxiety and panic. This kicks of a constant cycle of panic and worry about the thoughts and when they may appear again and the sensations that come with them overwhelming. Sometimes you just wish you had an off switch in your mind. Wouldn't that be handy! 

A couple of things that have helped me is deep breathing, muscle tension and relaxation techniques, yoga (and lots of it), writing my thoughts down and art! Maybe you can find an outlet for your intrusive thoughts in a positive way to remove them from your mind? Try different things and you will find what works for you 🙂

[Graceeeeee]

Hi Mooky Kooky!

Thanks for the great tips! As I personally have some anxiety issues too I'll try them out too!

With love,

Grace xx