No Support At Work

[WorryWombat]

I’ve lived with depression and anxiety for a long time, and I was bought up to internalise my issues and worries. As a result, I’m not the kind of person to make a fuss when something bothers me. I struggle with negative self talk, panic and worthlessness a lot, but I manage to mask it well enough at work.

Recently I was really struggling to manage my workload, wasn’t feeling valued within my team, and wasn’t feeling mentally stable.

It took a lot of strength for me to speak out and I told my Team Leader I was struggling. I ended up having a panic attack and felt really embarrassed. My Team Leader told me to go away and think about ways which he could help me. In the state I was in I couldn’t think straight and I felt like I was left to overthink everything. Everything felt meaningless and I can barely remember anything he said to me.

This happened a couple of months ago, and he hasn’t checked in on me since. Today we had a meeting to discuss my goals for this year. I thought this was going to be a positive and constructive meeting. I was wrong... My Team Leader told me I was immature, not professional and that he never wanted me to be emotional at work again. He said I would never get promoted if I kept acting the way I did. I tried to explain my mental illness to him but he said he didn’t want to know. He just wants to know when it impacts my work performance.

I feel so stuck and like I’m not being heard. Is there any way to make my Team Leader understand? Or should I stay quiet and pretend to be fine?

[Chicken_little]

Hi WW,

I’m so sorry that you experienced this response! This is so far away from how a leader should behave and I’m so appalled on your behalf.

As a manager I would personally be horrified if any of my team felt the way you’ve been made to feel.

On the flip side, I’ve been in the position to tell my team leader about my own mental health struggles and I know how scary it is. Not all managers respond the same and you’ve clearly got one who hasn’t had any training.

I have to be honest, I don’t know how far you will get raising the issue with this manager again. Does your work have an HR person or team?

They should have significantly better training and would be a safe place to discuss both your own challenges as well as your relationship with your manager.

[smallwolf]

Hi. I was somewhat hopeful with the way your post started and then as I read about next meeting with your team leader my heart dropped.It is possible that he has forgotten what happened previously. Trying to reframe your thoughts along the lines of "he was having a bad day and taking it out on me" would not remove much of the pain you would be feeling. What he said also seems to sounds like something you would have heard when you were growing up. It does not sound like a fun place to be.

I cannot tell you what action you should take.. whether to speak up or remain quiet?

Also I dont know what sort of work you do, or how large an organization you work in, and what options you might have within that organisation.

perhaps the answer though lies in things like... do you like the organisation? your job?

You said that you have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a long time. I assume you have been getting professional help as well with a counsellor or psychologist. If so, did you bring up this situation when you saw them? If you are not seeing one currently, perhaps an opportunity to talk it through.

I work in IT and have other jobs as well. It was my IT job that got to me. Like you, I kept it inside. But that ate away at me until my breaking point. I see a psychologist on a regular basis. When things turned bad for me, I also spoke with my parents about my options. I worked on a plan B. To some degree I put my health first.

I can talk more with you and support you in finding that way forward. Lastly, you mentioned the negatives from the meeting. It seems they still want you. And remember you are also doing the best you can. And that counts for something.