Newbie who needs help

[Antijoy]

Hi there. I am reaching out tonight because as a long term depression, anxiety, trauma survivor I am pretty good at recognising the signs of a downward spiral. Ive had a pretty rough start to the year, and can’t seem to get my head above water to regular myself. As a result I find that I’m not managing my friendships or professional relationships and think the longer I interact the worse it’s going to get. Has anyone ever felt like this? I reset, think, right I can get this back on track. Then I act, and find out I have made the situation worse, and it continues on happening. I feel like I’m the problem and that I should just stop everything, I want to run, hide stop the pain. Problem is, I can’t. I’m a teacher. I love my job and my kids. It’s adult I can’t relate to. Those that have agendas, and seem to follow a different set of rules that I don’t know about. This is where I am now. No one would suspect I have depression and battle on a daily basis. I need help, but don’t know how to stop the spiral.

[Rumples]

Ha Antijoy,

Firstly, thank you for having the courage to reach out to us. We know it's a hard thing to do and we applaud ou for it.

"I've had a pretty rough start to the year, and can’t seem to get my head above water to regular myself".

Doesn't sound very good at all you poor thing. Perhaps if you were to give us a quick recap of what's happened to make you feel this way, we can better help you deal with it.

"I find that I’m not managing my friendships or professional relationships and think the longer I interact the worse it’s going to get".

Okey dokey, first of all, have you spoken to your GP? He/she is usually the best first call to make. You can talk in confidence and they can quite often get you back on the right track? I'd really strongly suggest you reach out to them. Secondly, what makes you think you're miss-managing these personal and professional relationships and why do you think their getting worse?

"I reset, think, right I can get this back on track. Then I act, and find out I have made the situation worse, and it continues on happening".

Stopping, thinking and re-setting is a great way to re-focus and I'd encourage you to keep trying this technique. Can you tell me of an occasion when it made things worse? It'd help me better understand.

You talked of running, hiding and stopping the pain. I'm assuming you're talking about mental stress and the pain caused by anxiety? Or do you have physical injuries you're coping with?

"It’s adults I can’t relate to. Those that have agendas, and seem to follow a different set of rules that I don’t know about".

It sounds as though you've had poor past experiences with people. Are you able to give me an example? Are we talking about relationships or people generally?

You're not alone, please understand that. we're all here to help you and together we'll get through this.

Please come back to me with your thoughts.

And here's a big HUG to help you through tonight.

Your friend Rumples xoxo

[Antijoy]

Awarded a leadership position, then in a change of principal it was appealed and I lost the role. New principal who in the circumstances of telling me that I actually didn’t have that job I have found difficult to trust and work with. My friend is teaching with me this year, however due to my unregulated state at times, and a first time working relationship, that friendship has deteriorated to the point where it is difficult for either of us to work together. I Am team leader, and between the prin, my friendship situation, and another difficult member who has just returned from leave and is resentful of the changes that were made with the previous principal, I am continually in a heightened state. This was all first term. Add onto that the stress of COVID and the pressure being put on all of us, I have been under a huge amount of stress. Today, after talking to a trusted colleague we came up with a plan. I thought I’d give a heads up to colleagues, who often chat on social media, about the team meeting Tuesday. My exfriend responded, in a confrontational way, I clarified the expectations, only for another colleague to say that the conversation wasn’t appropriate for the weekend and social media. At that point I ceased messaging. I didn’t intent to cause stress and hurt, all I intended was to give a heads up to try to improve communication. I want to give up my leadership position because of my stress levels and those I perceive of others, however I am in a contract position and feel like it will raise further concerns about me as a teacher. I know I need to look after my health, but balance future career options.

[Rumples]

Wow Antijoy, that's a LOT going on in one short term.

Any wonder you're feeling stressed you poor thing. That's a lot for anyone to cope with.

As a non-teacher and outsider what I would do would be to ask for a transfer to another school. Seeing you're finding it "difficult to trust and work" with the Principle, in addition to the deteriorated personal and professional relationship with your friend and the return of a confrontational colleague, it just seems to make sense to make a fresh start at a new school. You mentioned you're on a contract, so perhaps this isn't an option?

If transferring is not an option, are you able to step down from your leadership role? This would potentially elevate a lot of the pressure on you and perhaps allow things to return to normal with you and your friend.

As for this terrible COVID disease, my heart goes out to you. It must be terribly stressful teaching so many children, anyone of which could be infected. I don't know how you muster the courage each day to report for work. I certainly couldn't.

In regards to your friend who you work with. Perhaps personal and professional relationships aren't for you and her. Many of us can't work with friends or family members as it's too close to home. We're either great friends and casual work acquaintances. It's rarely both. Try and reach out to her and salvage the friendship if you can. You won't always work together, however, you can always be friends.

Back to you friend

Rumples xo