New job, renewed anxiety

[Nervybella]

Hi everyone, I'm recently graduated and landed my first ever full time job, so I should be over the moon right? Well I'm not.

To give some background my training school helps students look for employment (which happened to me). The school warned me before this interview that the boss was notoriously hard to work for. I went ahead to the interview not feeling confident and two days later I was told I had the job. I was apprehensive from the get go and since starting my anxiety has reached new levels. Without going into too much detail there has been a number of occasions in my first week that have left me feeling anxious and embarrassed.

I've come home crying every night and my partner says I should quit. Part of me sides with him because I don't think it's normal to feel so strongly, and also not fair on myself or my family to see me like this.

At the same time I feel like such a failure because I can't seem to stick with anything I start because of my anxiety. I hate that I'm stressing my family out as well.

Also if I quit then what do I do, sure it will probably alleviate my anxiety but who says it won't return when I get another job.

i think I just need to hear from some people that don't know me and aren't emotionally invested in my story. I would love your opinion and hear of similar stories

[Nervybella]

Hi guys,

i actually handed in my resignation late last week. I have to go in a few days this week then I won't be back.

I just felt like I had to remove myself from the situation because I was scared of what it would do to me in the long run.

After speaking to my boss and handing in my letter, I felt threatened and put down by their response.

I have made several appointments with my psych and GP over the coming weeks and am hoping an intensive few weeks of getting help will help me.

I wish I felt more relief knowing that I don't have to keep working in this environment, but I don't. I feel just as anxious, if not worse. I'm dreading telling people that I have left because I'm so scared of bent judged or not supported by people around me.

can anyone share some great stories of bosses and colleagues that have been/are supportive of employees with mental health issues???

I need to have a bit of faith restored...

[Janey123]

Hi Nervybella 🙂

I'm glad to hear that you did it! It really sounded as though it was not the right place for you. Be kind to yourself, I know it is hard, but by standing up for yourself and resigning, you put your health first! That takes a lot of courage!

When I had an anxiety episode last year and was unable to attend an important meeting- I called my boss and confessed in tears that I wasn't up to it because I was suffering from anxiety. I felt better that I didn't have to go to the meeting and I could rest at home for the day, and she was very supportive as she also had mental health issues, and she said she would not put me in that position again until I felt ready. But now she sometimes makes assumptions about me based on her own mental health experience, so I'm not sure if I would do that again... Not that it was a negative experience. If you find a workplace with some friendly faces, that is not too competitive, and you can work as part of a supportive team, you may find your anxiety is at a level you can handle, and still function happily at work without needing to disclose your mental illness.

How have you found it now that you are gone for good? Who are you worried will judge you- friends, family? I would recommend reading You Are Enough by Cassie-Mendoza Jones. It explains why we are so worried about what others think of us, and what it does to us- seriously so helpful!

Janey

[Nervybella]

Hi guys

it's been about 2 weeks since leaving and I don't feel much better. Some days are ok then others are horrible. I'm still having a lot of trouble sleeping, at night when I'm alone in my room is when I literally can't make my brain switch off and can't think of anything else other than finding work and stressing about it. I also find myself replaying anxious moments from my past over be over again and analysing them.

i have applied for a few jobs here and there but there isn't a lot in the industry I studied for, I feel stupid applying for jobs that aren't related to my degree...has anyone got experience with that? My parents are telling me it doesn't matter just get any job you can, but I just feel like I've wasted my time. Feeling a bit down as I'm writing this.

Also now that I've told my friends that I resigned and it's been a little while I find that their support is dropping off. I think that they think now that I am out of the job I'm all "fixed" and not anxious anymore. I have tried to instigate catch ups because I don't like being alone at the moment, I need to be distracted by doing something else, but no one gets back to me or they are too busy .

thanks for listening, it's nice to just be able to get this all out and have people respond

Bella

[Nervybella]

Hi guys,

so a bit of time has passed and I've been applying for jobs both in the industry I studied in and other (admin/reception) jobs. I had an interview today for a job I'm interested in however it's full time and long hours and about an hour from home, so I'm a bit nervous about how I'll cope with so many hours at work.

I'm also really interested in another job I've applied for but the closing date is tomorrow so obviously I haven't heard if I have an interview. This job is part time and in the town I live in.

what I'm struggling with is trying to preempt the future...what if I get this first job but then get an interview and maybe get the second job that I think I'd really like?!

this probably sounds silly but I just wanted to write my thoughts down and would like to hear some opinions of yours

Bella 🙂

[Janey123]

Hey Bella,

So good to hear from you again 🙂

That is so awesome that you're already getting interviews! If you win and accept the job, and then get offered another... you'll just handle it then! It will be a million times easier than leaving the last place!!!! 1. It may not happen 2. If it does, then you weigh up the pros and cons, and make a choice! As professionals, they will understand, if you're apologetic for any inconvenience.

You can only take it one step at a time, so try not to get ahead of yourself (hard, I know!). Try and use your non-working time to stay busy so thinking about it doesn't become all-consuming! All you can do is try your best once you get a job. I used to drive an hour each way for work, but it didn't phase me all that much as I loved working there!

Well done, sounds as though you're doing amazing!

Janey 😄

[Nervybella]

Hi Janey,

thabks for your response. You're right, it's so hard trying to not get ahead of myself. Unfortunately I can't stop thinking about what all the possibilities could be...and there are a lot of possibilities!!

I like the sound of the job I interviewed for but I'm so nervous, I think I've been a bit scared from my awful last experience. Part of my brain knows that my anxious feelings are irrational and only based on past experiences but the other part is shit scared about what the future brings.

I'm hoping the if I ge this job I'll love it enough that I won't mind the hours, has anyone ever told their boss about anxiety and had their hours reduced because of it? Can that happen? That's what my parents are telling me to do... Start full time and if I can't cope ask hours to be reduced then....

Bella 🙂

[Janey123]

Hi Bella,

I hope you're doing well... did you hear about the job(s)?

Janey

[Nervybella]

Hi Janey,

Thanks so much for thinking of me! I got a job and started yesterday 🙂

Yesterday was good, people are really nice and welcoming so I think it's going to be ok. My only concern is that I love an hour away by train and the trains aren't very regular/reliable so I am worried I'll be late to work and late home etc

bella 🙂

[Janey123]

That is fantastic, it's so good to hear you're back on your feet so quickly after leaving the toxic workplace! You didn't waste any time huh?!

I'm sure once you've done the trip enough times and get to know the routine, you'll get more comfortable with relying on the trains. People do it all the time in the major cities, or driving in rural areas. I hope the travel is manageable for you, at least it is good reading time!

Good luck settling in!

Janey

[Nervybella]

Hi again Janey,

This place is so much better than he last! It's starting to restore some faith in me 🙂

Settling into a routine will be okay. Train times may prove to be an issue however. As the train line I am doesn't offer very frequent services, the train I catch gets me into the city about 20 minutes before I have to start, which is fine during my training period. However once training is over I will have to be in the office 15 minutes earlier so I can attend a morning briefing...which I wouldn't make catching the train I catch now.

The train earlier than mine gets me into the city over an hour before my start time and would mean I had to leave my house at 6am!! Such a long day...not sure what I'm going to do about that 😞

Bella