New job opportunity anxiety

[ruminator_]

I work at a school (not a teacher) and a new position has come up. Everyone is expecting me to go for it and I've even been approached by one of the Assistant Principals who has encouraged me to apply. It's causing me so much stress that I have been feeling physically sick ever since.

While I am so grateful that everyone wants the best for me, it's making me feel very overwhelmed. I feel like an imposter and that people think I'm smarter than I am. I doubt myself constantly and am terrible at thinking on my feet and can have some very dumb moments. I am not an ambitious person and have no desire to become a leader or manager. I want to be able to go to work and come home and switch off easily. I like my current team and am close with my line manager and just feel so comfortable where I am that I just wish this never came up.

The new position has better pay, which is the only benefit in my eyes. I don't know too much about the role and because it has been made up, no one is currently in it that I could speak to to gauge what exactly it entails. I think what scares me is that I would be by myself and wouldn't have anyone to work alongside and bounce off. I would have to work across other teams and be responsible for various programs, budgets etc. While I haven't been formally diagnosed, I believe I have OCD and the idea of having all of this responsibility is scaring me to bits. When I was speaking with the AP, I asked her what I would be doing and her answer was quite vague. She would be my direct manager and she has so many teams working under her that I don't feel I will get proper training and will just be thrown into it.

I don't have to apply for the role but I am starting to think they created it with me in mind. I think if I didn't go for it they would think I wasn't serious about my future and would be disappointed. I would feel so guilty and awkward that I didn't apply, especially after being encouraged by the AP. I don't know much about her and feel that we won't gel very well as she is very confident and forthright and I am shy and awkward. 

I have been in a constant state of panic ever since I was approached for the position. There is every chance that I won't get the job after going through the interview process, but I feel I am likely to get it. I'm very conflicted and have no idea what to do and how to proceed. If I'm feeling like this now, how am I going to be if I were to apply? Any guidance is appreciated!! 

  

[randomxx]

Hi there op. From the way you talk about the new position added to the way you talk about yourself at heart too , the new one doesn't sound you at all.

And l can well appreciate what your saying too and the way you feel about what your doing now, and it sounds a lot more you.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you not interested in going higher or in being content as is, isn't that what lifes about. Maybe you should come up with a polite way of declining.

Back in 20s before l started my own business, a few places offered me foreman but l felt similar to you back then and declined both times. ln both l'd watched what foreman;s had to deal with and had zero interest in taking that on and in the short term anyway l was quite content just staying as another worker.

2ndly l knew l'd go work for myself later on anyway be my own boss.

But also on that angle too later when l did start business and eventually got it the way l liked it down the track, then people were saying awww, you should do this should that, you could do really well in this. But to me once again l was very content with the way it was as is and 30yrs later still am.Never had any interested in growing it and living that kind of stress.

Anyway, good luck.

rx

[AnonymousZG]

If the new role is stressing you out so much even before you applied, maybe it isn't worth it? You could just say you prefer better work-life balance or something. No need to be pressured into it.

[ruminator_]

Hi everyone, thank you so much for your support and advice. I just wanted to give an update that will hopefully encourage anyone who may have read this post and related to it or is going through a similar situation. 

I ended up applying for the role and being successful. I often self-sabotage myself and avoid situations that are out of my comfort zone. While I did feel some pressure to apply for the role, I felt it was probably needed as, if I'm honest, my previous role was becoming quite monotonous and unstimulating and I wasn't using my brain to its full potential.

Despite this, I want to be transparent and say that this entire experience was very difficult for me. I loved my team in my previous role and I was beyond nervous about my interview both before, during and after as it is quite an intimidating process however, I am so proud that I pushed myself and am stepping out of my comfort zone. 

Today was my first day and while I will have a full load and a lot of responsibility, I feel that I am up for the challenge and am even excited to take it on. Who would have thought?! I never in a million years would have believed I would get to this point. This doesn't mean that I have overcome anxiety by any means as there are many areas where I struggle with severe anxiety of varying degrees. However, I think this entire experience has shown me that we are more than our anxiety and we shouldn't let it rule our lives!  

I am certain I will have moments where I ruminate, make mistakes or doubt myself but I, like all of us, need to be less hard on myself. I think for me it has a lot to do with perfectionism, a fear of making mistakes and taking on responsibility. This hasn't gone away at all but I have been reading a lot of resources which is helping to steer my mindset to one that is more healthy and constructive. 

There's a quote by Dr Julie Smith that helps me put things into perspective. It's an obvious observation and one that I think most of us acknowledge as being true but sometimes I think we just need to remind ourselves how powerful anxiety can be and what happens when we let it win. 

"The more you avoid those uncomfortable but rewarding experiences, the more your social world shrinks and anxiety grows."

Anyway, like I said, while I continue to struggle with anxiety every day I will relish in this one small victory! I may be speaking too soon as this is only day one but, so far, so good! 

Thank you again for all your advice and for validating my concerns. All the best! 🙂 

[randomxx]

Well that's great the op . l suppose it could be a case of doing what you thought best in the end and that's all we can do.

lf it's any consolation once you settle in you'll probably handle situations easier and easier as you get use to it all.

Good luck with things anyway.

rx