New job. Anxiety or not liked.

[Dagny_Alith]

Hi all,

Not usually one to open up and make posts but here it goes.

After my old work ended abruptly, I've recently found a new job.

I was there on experience before being offered a job. Everything was all good to begin with. I've officially worked there for 2 weeks now.

Yesterday I started to notice how everyone had their little groups (8 people including myself work there). Everyone would go to lunch with their mates, talk with each other etc and I was left to go to lunch by myself...again.

It feels like high school to be honest. I'm a very social person and I feel excluded and not really welcome there anymore.

What upsets me the most is I dont know if it's my anxiety playing up or if they genuinely dont like me because I'm new and need to be taught everything.

I feel alone and like I'm in the way recently. I've started biting my nails which I havent done in a long time.

Does anyone have any tips on how to cope and how not to feel left out ?

Thanks

[Rabbit33]

Hi Dagny,

Thanks for connecting with us and i'm sorry that you've been left to feel isolated by your fellow colleagues.

I know that when I started back up at school earlier this year. The first 2-3 weeks were extremely nerve racking and made my anxiety sky rocketed. It will settle, I'm 99% certain!
I understand the feeling of being left to your self to eat lunch and left out of the social group but i think its a normal process whenever you start somewhere new. I'm sure if you reached out to one or two of them during the day and suggested lunch, or asked if they wanted to come with you to grab a bite to eat, they'd likely say yes. People aren't horrible, it may just be that they don't want to intrude on you. Try taking that step and see what reaction you get.
We're all human-beings and we are all entitled to feel happy, safe and enjoy what we do. Hang in there and please let me know how things go.

Happy to chat some more if you're up for it.

Sending you positive vibes! 🙂

[white knight]

Hi DA, welcome

Rabbit gave some excellent comments there.

Frankly I dislike cliwues intensely be it local groups or clubs. They rarely show inclusiveness and appear selfish but is it all intentional? Not really. They stick with who they know, are proven to be comfortable with etc.

Two weeks isnt giving you time to settle. Stay being friendly, relax and above all, try to learn to be happy within yourself. You dhouldnt need to be accepted by others.

In 90 jobs in 15 professions over 41 years I've ended up with 2 friends from work. So, workmates will rarely become good friends

Eventually they will come to you especially following them having an arguement with each other.

Worry produces only ulcers

TonyWK

[CoraC]

Unfortunately many workplaces are cliquey. In my experience people often want to stay in their clique and aren't receptive to new people, or people who aren't like them. It can be extremely isolating. I have been in the workplace for many years and have no idea why people behave in this way. Maybe people just stick with what is familiar to them. I empathise with you, it's really hard. Unfortunately sometimes no matter what you do or how hard you try, the social barrier is there. The way I've coped with it is to try and gravitate towards individuals who are more like me in the workplace, be professional and keep my socialising with friends outside work.