New Here & Not Sure

[Dee_Bee]

Hi All,

Just looking for a release/somewhere to get my anxious thoughts out. Not sure if I'm posting in the right place. I'm a 33 yo female, soon to be married. Diagnosed with GAD many years ago. Previously medicated, off meds but still seeing a psychologist on and off. Had a "high flying" career in media/communications until about two months a go. I took a well paying job in an organisation in March 2018 that made me so stressed, gave me chronic insomnia and panic attacks. I quit this permanent job in November thinking it would solve everything and took a low paying contract job and a huge step backyards career wise and financially. I felt better for all of about a week or two. Now I find I am feeling worse. I am worried about money, I am worried the contract will end at any moment, I'm trying to plan my wedding, fiance says he is sick of my "whinging", family and friends have criticised my poor decision making. My mum especially ripped me to shreads over it for ruining my career. Terrible panic attacks, drinking almost every night. I have tried job hunting again to get something more permanent but I am living in area where the jobs I am qualified for a few and far between and the job situation is bad for everyone in general. There's hardly anything at all.

I feel even nervous applying for things and have lost all confidence in myself. I just feel like everyone and everything is on top of me. Relationship with fiance is also very strained at the moment. He works away too so finding little sympathy and support. His attitude is "you made your bed etc" and I chose this. Maybe I didn't think things through properly. I just had to get "out" of that job and took the first job I could and now I feel worse in every way.

Sorry for the long post. Just have so much bottled up inside and no one wants to listen or support me.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

A few things come to mind. I hope I can help.

Being unmedicated might mot be helping.

Re: ", family and friends have criticised my poor decision making" reminds me so much when I was in my 20's and my mother would yell and scream when I changed jobs. But, she wasnt in my shoes, she had no idea of the stress and she never worked in one job all her life.

20 years ago I built my own home. I whinged to friends that no one was helping me. Until one friend said "the decision to build a kit home was yours, you shouldn't assume others, busy with their own lives, can help you." He was right. And so, your fiance is imo correct with "making your own bed..."

But better to find the underlying reason you have changed jobs and have not found stability. I really suggest you and your fiance attend a counselor to share this and help you identify the real cause. But point out to him it would not be a crisis between you both.

Find the cause.

Hope your wedding goes well.

Google- beyondblue Topic running around trying to save the world

TonyWK