New here, looking for some Advice/Help

[deletrious]

Hi,

    I'm at a young age of 15 and i'm currently in a relationship with my girlfriend of nine months. The tricky part is the fact that ever since i've got in this relationship i've had mental issues.. Thoughts and feelings that are so negative they ruin all my motivation to actually live my life. They get to a point where I just want to end this relationship just so they can be over and I can be normal again but I know for a fact if I get into another relationship they'll still be somewhere on the horizon.

These thoughts are vicious, they're the basic thoughts of 'Oh, she's out with her friends.. I wonder if she's cheating on me' then it goes to the extreme of 'Is she even thinking of me? Could she be cheating on me or found a better guy..' 'Why is it taking her so long to reply is she in-danger?' Then it comes to the basic negative thoughts that are not as prevalent and in the mind as the ones above like. These thoughts start off as 'Is she losing love for me? Am I going to lose her' These thoughts are so negative that it ruins my day and injects poison into our relationship when I need reassurance (She doesn't take it to well when I ask these things)

I don't know if this is anxiety or insecurity but i'll state the fact of in my past relationships (Yes besides the fact im at a young age they were all within a year of eachother) I never had these thoughts, I could be continously happy and enjoy my relationship and be ontop of the world. I don't know what to do and it'll be the end of us if I don't get these sorted out but first I need some information on what i'm experiencing so I can find a way to suppress and treat the issues.

Is there anyone that could shine some light on this, it would be much appreciated? :s 

[geoff]

dear Deletrious, welcome aboard.

You seem to be a mature young fellow, and experiencing the throes of having a love life, all of which we have had, and even as we grow older it never stops.

Basically it involves both anxiety and insecurity, and even for me a 58 year old, no not grand-father for your age, but when I was married I still had exactly the same doubts that you are having, so it goes on forever.

The fact is that whether or not you trust your girlfriend, and at a young age is up to you, but being 15 the temptation would be there, because at this age the hormones are bouncing around and are open for anything.

This is probably not what you want to hear, but having a relationship for 9 months at your age is remarkable.

The fact is that at 15 your own testosterone levels are piling up. What you have to learn to do is to realise that many kids your age will be bouncing in and out bed to whom ever wants to do it, and that loyality and honesty doesn't exist.

By saying this doesn't actually mean that she is doing it behind your back, as she maybe sitting in the corner with the rest of her friends giggling away, and even at my age we still do this, but all to no avail, but I'm sure the females do the same.

Hold that tongue of yours.

What I am trying to say is that young adolescents don't really want to be tied down for a long period in any relationship, because they want to enjoy themselves, so there is a nak to appreciate that you have to learn that this relationship and the next maybe for a night or a few months, and if you are worried ask her straight out, and if you suspect anything then move onto the next girl.

Geoff.

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Deletrious,

You can't control your girlfriend so your anxiety, although perfectly natural, is also a bit misguided.  Teenage times are fast moving.    Before you know it you've passed the HSC and are off on the next adverture.  Maybe it's the speed of your physical and mental growth that causes you to seek security in a regular girl.  It centres you.  You can offer friendship and maybe.

Some couples prefer an Open style Marriage - multiple partners and no questions asked.    They will say they have "an understanding".    But most relationships have a bit more monogamy, trust and reliability.  Unless you're married to this girl I would be surprised if you can bank on any commitment.    Generally when you try and police a partner they lose all respect for you.  Better to date a robot.  But then you could also get anxious worrying if the batteries are gonna run out.  Lol.

Adios, David.