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Negative Thoughts and Feelings
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I think I've always been one of those people who looks at the forums anonymously late at night wondering if people have the same issues that I do, but I've never actively sought to join in.
I put this in anxiety because its probably the one that relates to me the most. I've always struggled with self-image and how others perceive me. It has its ups and downs and sometimes I fool myself into believing that I'm actually okay, but it always eventually ends up in a big low like I am experiencing at the moment. I have seen a GP about this but the response I got is 'I don't like to put labels on things' follows by medication that I am not currently taking as my mother believes that there is nothing wrong with me and that I have no reason to feel this way.
I really struggle with the thoughts that I am hated by everyone. Unfortunately, I present myself as something sarcastic and cynical who doesn't care what people think of them, and all of my friends are very similar. It's at a point where basically all talk is in some deprecating manner, and while its okay sometimes, other times it gets to be too much. But I am unable to say something for fear of losing them as friends, as they are the closest people in my life. I don't want them to think of me as a loser.
I am also very spiteful, and while I do not like myself at all, I tend to make fun of people who are very similar to myself. Sometimes I think its because subconsciously they remind me of myself and I hate that, as I am not very happy with who I am. And I hate that I do this to other people, but I can't seem to stop.
These thoughts basically hinder my ability to do any activities, I'm currently in my last year of school and my grades are suffering. I've told myself that I don't need to try because I don't need very good grades to do the course I want, and this thought has just snowballed into everyday life. I'm by no means lonely, or unpopular, I get invited out regularly. However, I don't feel like going to these events or when I do I just end up wanting to go home or upset.
I don't like feeling this way, but everything that I've tried before has never seemed to work, and I guess I just needed to vent.
Thank you for your time in reading :]
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Hi kreckle,
I am not sure how I can respond to this, so I will leave it for someone with a better knowledge to do so.
I am simply writing this because I want you to know that I am listening and willing to listen more if you ever need to get more off your chest.
Only advice I can really give is to hang in there, you got a whole life ahead of you, and the joys of life to come are well worth staying about to discover.
Terry
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Hi Kreckle and welcome to the forums
I am glad you have written to share, vent and get some support.
I know too well how you feel. I myself have GAD and depression. My boyfriend is very understanding, but sometimes the way he tries to makes me feel better can make me feel worse. I get frustrated when his response is 'others have it worse'. I know that, it makes me feel worse, increases my self hatred and the cycle continues. For him it is helpful because it helps him appreciate what he has and himself, but for me it makes me feel guilty and unworthy. So I know that frustrated feeling.
It sounds like you are unmotivated due to poor self esteem and maybe other personal issues. It can be hard to see a doctor and to feel like you weren't completely listened to can make the experience poor. I myself felt intimidated so I went to a youth mental health service called headspace. Check them out on their website www.headspace.org.au I used their online email service for a while before going in. I know see a psychologist (not at headspace as I am now 26), but I thank headspace for making me realise I am good enough to get the help and support I deserve. You can also see a psychologist outside of headspace, I suggest getting a doctors referal through a mental health plan so medicare will pay for a large chunk of it (or all of it if you find one that bulk bills).
I want to remind you that anyone can be affected by anxiety, depression, other. Any gender, race, sexuality, socio-economic status etc. It doesn't matter if you are popular or lonely, you can still be affected. Some factors can increase your risk, but anyone can be affected. There is nothing to be ashamed about. I have tried to remind myself of this so I don't feel guilty
Hope this has been helpful. I am an open book so if you have any questions feel free to ask
MsP
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