Need to overcome this

[Lostsomewhere]

Hello everyone,

I went through severe and suicidal depression in 2016. The main reason behind this was my toxic work environment and my boss who'd made my life very miserable. I used to be under immense stress all the time until everything went out of control when I developed some other health issues related to it. Back then I used to be overseas and I left my job. Now I'm in Australia and still I get a different sort of anxiety when it comes to applying for jobs. I feel like as if I'm the biggest loser/failure.

I even went to a therapist and she was helpful but not that much. I need to overcome this on my own and I'm badly stuck. I talked to a professional related to the industry I used to work in and he told me that I should create a Linkedin profile as he has found it very useful. I have created my profile there but I need to fill in details.

I still get flashbacks of my abusive boss and people find it very hard to believe that I'm still getting flashbacks. When I joined Linkedin, it connected me to my previous employer's page and it ruined my mood.

Now I how do I overcome this? I so badly need to get out of it. Sometimes I get thoughts of quitting but other days, I'm very motivated but it only lasts for a short time.

Kind regards,

LS

[Croix]

Dear LS~

Welcome here to the Forum, there are many here who would understand exactly why you are getting flashbacks, myself included. Anything that is so bad you want to kill yourself is a real injury you have suffered. It does not always go away quickly.

Actually I think you were on the right track seeing a doctor and a therapist, however obviously it was not the right one. It's like most things, you have to find the one that suits you. Otherwise you come away without much benefit - and probably blame yourself too.

Getting out from under that boss and environment was a good move. If you think abut it who was the real failure? Not you -that boss who was incapable of running a business properly and responsibly - plus was good at making peoples lives miserable, a great achievement.

I agree it is an anxious time applying for jobs, sometimes you get a reply, often not, and lots of rejection of course. It is easy to blame yourself, sadly that comes naturally. However it is not the case, The current employment environment is terrible.

I forgot to say, you can block a person on LinkedIn, I understand they will not even know.

Job hunting can realy get you down, I do have a suggestion. Try to set things up so you only spend part of each day dealing with employment, maybe the mornings. Then from lunch onward you try to live a separate life where you no longer think about it. You fill your time with productive things you can look forward to and enjoy each day. It creates a balance in your life.

Do you have anyone in your life to give you support and understanding? It can make a big difference.

You talked of 'quitting'. Do you mean you are having thoughts of killing yourself?

Just to put things in perspective I have - but am still here.

If you do get overwhelmed I'd personally suggest giving the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) a ring, they are there for anyone in distress, it is no big thing to contact them. If they are busy Lifeline is another choice (13 11 14)

I do hope we can talk some more

Croix

[Lostsomewhere]

Thank you so much Croix for your prompt reply.

I wanted to reply to your post earlier but in fact, I would type my reply and for some unknown reason would not post it. This time, I'm finally doing it!

I'm taking baby steps. Today I finally added important chunks to my Linkedin profile and while looking at privacy settings, I also found this option of blocking people out.

Thank you for your tip for not getting overwhelmed by job hunt. One thing which I'm trying to instill myself is self-discipline. I reckon, the moment I'm successful with it, things will probably start to get alright. Let's see.

No, unfortunately, I don't have anyone in my life who would understand me properly. Neither I want to waste anyone's time with my useless things.

Yes, there have been times when I actually felt like an utter failure and absolutely useless person. It is precisely during these moments when I feel like quitting and yes, you got it right. Thank you for your time to reply to my post.

[Croix]

Dear LS~

I can understand writing and not posting, I'm glad you did in the end.

There is no way your feelings and behavior are useless, quite the reverse. You are coping with very adverse circumstances - a toxic work environment followed by job seeking. It is easy when one is living a comfortable life with a pleasant job and no major hassles, it takes strenght and perseverance in situations such as yours.

You do not realize how strong you are being.

While I do not know all your circumstances I do know that talking to someone else who is well disposed helps both parties, not just you. For most there is an inbuilt desire to assist others, and one feels better as a result.

Good to sort out LinkedIn, one worry less. I hope we keep on talking.

Croix

[bluehorseshoes]

Hi LS,

I couldn't help relating to your story of anxiety and discipline in job searching. It's the same for me and I've found it helpful to connect with others in the same situation here on the forums, if for no other reason than to feel less alone in what is a battle to find meaningful work.

Croix has offered both of us some excellent advice here, as I too have found it is important to find motivation, but also to not get burnt-out by the whole process by never taking time for myself, as I did a few months ago.

Good on you for taking baby steps like starting your profile. Breaking it down into achievable goals is very practical, especially if you feel anything like me - that getting a new job is like climbing Everest. But as they say, how do you eat a whale? One bite at a time 🙂

If you find it helpful, you're welcome to search the thread unemployed, depressed! where you may find some more support for those of us all in the same boat.

Kindest to you - Bluey

[White_Rose]

Dear LS, and a wave to Croix and Bluey

I'm pleased you found this forum and have reached out for help. Bluey's suggestion is good. You can find the thread in Depression/unemployed, depressed!/Alice 11.

I can appreciate your desire to overcome this problem on your own and perhaps it can work. I have found accepting a helping hand has given me an enormous boost. You can recover more quickly. I am sorry you had such a bad experience in your previous job and as Croix said, obviously your former boss is not a good person to know. Getting flashbacks is horrible and this does not disappear overnight.

Psychologists are as varied in their way of operating just like the family GP. I have been fortunate to have a good GP for many years and she set the bar high. No connection with psychologists and had a frustrating psychiatrist but then was introduced to a very good psychiatrist. So please do not give up. Ask your GP for a mental health plan and try out a psychologist. Tell your GP why you stopped going as he/she may be able to refer you to someone more compatible.

Telling someone about your flashbacks is hard. Until you have this horrible experience you cannot really understand it. I was talking to my ex-husband (and it still surprises me we had the conversion) when he was expressing his disbelief that anyone could want to take their own life. He of course would not do such a thing ????. Similarly with flashbacks. He used to tell me that all I had to do to lose weight was to stop eating. Of course it's true but does not happen quite like that. So yes, it's hard to explain to someone who has not been there.

This is why it's so useful to talk with a psychologist. While they may not have experienced flashbacks they should be sufficiently trained to understand. Bluey is quite right saying how do you eat a whale although I think the usual animal is an elephant. Smile to Bluey. And you are taking baby steps. Great stuff.

You do need some self discipline to help you get well but do not think it's the entire answer. Like the rest of us you will have good and bad days. On bad days , if you are like me, you beat yourself up for being there. That in itself is enough to make you feel worse. Accepting bad days happen and you can try again tomorrow is a more positive approach to get you through this dark time.

Please keep posting.

Mary