need help please- obsessive thinking/memories

[user-beyondblue_forum]

I was belittled by a psychologist in roughly late 2017 and since then everyday, every hour, every minute I have obsessively remembered her bullying and ruminated over it. It has significantly reduced my quality of life. I'm working with my psychiatrist on a possible medication to treat what she says is obsessive so it's a form of OCD. Would making a formal complaint help me or just make it worse? Would asking for an apology or a refund help? Should I meet the psychologist who bullied me (that is a scary thought) to deal with it in a respectful manner or what should I do? I need this to end or reduce! Please help. Thankyou.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

This is really sad. You attend a professional medical person for help not to leave you scarred.

However, it isn’t that uncommon- why? Because they are human and they need heaps of patience. I have had a similar experience in that my psychiatrist told me to watch a computer program called “mood gym” daily, the next time I saw him he asked and I told him I found doing those exercises shown on that program were too challenging. He said “then you won’t get well”. Turned out he falsely diagnosed me with ADHD so he was wrong!

You could imo do one of two actions-

1. Communicate with her by letter explaining how you feel
2. Move forward and delve into remedies of the real issue here- your illness and dwelling on events

Dwelling over comments or incidents is also common and there seems little you can do about it- but you can.

• Attend positive thinking motivation courses
• Read books on motivation
• keep up ways to distract your thoughts (More on this in a moment)
• Accept that these sorts of events is so common that it is part of life itself

The following threads pertain to the above. Simply put them into google and read the first post-

beyondblue topic do you cry over spilt milk?

beyondblue topic do we expect a smooth road in life?

beyondblue topic bullying

beyondblue topic worry worry worry

beyondblue topic distraction and variety

beyondblue topic feeding your brain

beyondblue topic 30 minutes can save your life

I hope they can help. It is hard to move on from any negative experience but in my case although I still dwell over some issues up to 50 years ago, overall I’ve learned to move on and that process, once accomplished, will enhance your quality of life

Your thoughts?

Repost anytime

TonyWK

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi user-beyondblue_forum,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for joining us. I'm really sorry you had such a bad experience with a psychologist; hearing what you've gone through it's so upsetting that the whole purpose is to see someone who can help and instead it's done harm.

With your questions, I'm not really sure how I can answer these - I don't know what the outcome will be so I'm not sure if it will be helpful to go down this path or if it would just create more distress.

I'll try and provide some more information anyway to help you make a decision on what path you would like to go down -

It's not usually protocol to get a refund unless you pursue legal action with proof of emotional distress. Otherwise it would usually be handled with the registration and complaint organisations. While the organisations may apologise or provide sympathy for your experiences, there is also no real guarantee of a personal apology from your psychologist. While the complaint will always be recorded (that's law), what happens is going to be different case by case. The extent of the bullying may get the psychologist reprimanded or have them lose their registration. There's a lot that's involved!

Here is some information about making a complaint https://www.ahpra.gov.au/About-AHPRA/Complaints.aspx

I hope this helps

rt

[user-beyondblue_forum]

Thanks for that reply. I had no idea of those facts! So I'll rule out refund/apology from my thoughts. I was asking because I recently had this thought that I need to engage with her and get angry (I never get angry because I am so insecure), in order to somewhat reconfigure the power relations here or get some justice to feel more empowered , as I feel so belittled and hurt and disempowered (constantly!) but I think you're right about it potentially causing more distress. Do you think sometimes (or often) there's no justice (bullies get away with it) and there's nothing that can be done, and the victim just suffers? Furthermore, do you think there's any evidence or reason to think that meeting with her (scary thought) and discussing what happened or exchanging e-mails would shift me at an emotional level? I AM SO DESPERATE, I NEED SOMETHING TO CHANGE. I am constantly (literally) feeling hurt, embarrassed, guilty and ruminating, I might have one or two minutes of respite from these thoughts/feelings/memories here and there.

[Meg_611]

I’m sorry that someone you trusted in and confided in treated you this way.
Do you believe they were aware of how their actions were affecting you ? Might they be shocked to know they have hurt you so much?
What is your phsyciatrists advice regarding their actions?
And what have they suggested could help?
If you approached your old psychologist do you have a trusted person who could accompany you?
Have you tried writing an email to her but keeping it in your outbox and maybe reviewing it in a month or two and see how it feels, maybe send it, maybe don’t.
I am a very sensitive person but I always try to tell myself that I can’t give someone who has insulted me the power to have too much of an impact on my life.
Have you tried meditation- try headspace or smiling mind apps they teach you the very basics in a really easy to learn way.

[geoff]

Hi user-beyondblue_forum, three great comments above me and as much as you want to see this psychologist and may eventually decide to, the sooner that day comes around you wish that it wasn't going to happen, so I wouldn't consider a face to face meeting, especially if the psychiatrist believes you are suffering from OCD.

I also have OCD and know what it can make and prevent us from doing, I can only suggest this as I'm not qualified.

Even if you email her, there is a chance you won't hear back, so waiting and expecting a reply isn't going to be beneficial and may keep that experience at the back of your mind.

In a situation like what has happened to you is a painful and devastating experience, but there are only two decisions to make, if you have OCD, contact her and finalise it or try and put it at the back of your mind, and I say this being an OCD sufferer.

Take care.

Geoff.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi user-beyondblue_forum,

You are very welcome and I'm glad I can help!

Hm, there's lots to think about here and I can see why you'd be wanting to get some justice and reconfigure the power relations but I do worry about how that can really happen. In my last post I really wanted to just share more about the complaint process but I don't want to sway you either way - ultimately this is your decision to make so I'm just trying to give you the most information that I can.

Thinking about reconfiguring the power relations - what are you hoping could happen or might happen?

I genuinely don't know about what meeting with that psychologist could look like. My only suggestion is that if you do decide to meet you can bring someone with you- or have someone there who can support you after no matter the outcome.

Also yes - I absolutely think sometimes there can be no justice. This can happen in any situation but it can be especially hard when a therapist is the one that is the bully; therapists in general are known or thought of to be very supportive and helpful so it's such a betrayal when you've been harassed by them.

rt

[user-beyondblue_forum]

Thanks so much everyone! I'm surprised how helpful it has been starting this thread with all the supportive responses. I now think you're right that a complaint or meeting with her would most likely be more distressing. best for me to just work on my own mind rather than engaging with her. Thanks for supporting me and helping me work through this, I also like Meg_611 idea of drafting an e-mail to her but not actually sending it, so I'll give that a try. when I said reconfigure power relations I'm not really sure what I was hoping to achieve. I now doubt that meeting with her is realistic. I enjoyed playing with the idea though.