My soul is tired

[Shelleeb]

I have suffered from anxiety for many years. I am medicated and have seen psychologists on and off over the years. My marriage of 22 years has just ended with my husband feeling he only sees me as a friend. I have put my whole life into this relationship and raising our 2 children. I have no real answers. My anxiety has begun to spiral. I am feeling lost and alone. Humiliated and a failure. I have begun binge drinking until I black out which then leads to my anxiety going crazy with really negative thoughts coming through. I try and hold my head high and tell people Im ok. But I am not really ok. I'm just hanging in there. My soul is tired.

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi Shelleeb,

Welcome to the forum. It sounds like you have had a really difficult time with your marriage and resulting anxiety which has increased during this time. Having an increase in symptoms is a really normal occurrence when stress occurs but can be tough especially if you don’t have the right supports in place. You had mentioned you have seen psychologists in the past and I wonder if you can reconnect with a therapist you found helpful? If not, the first step to take would be to see your GP and discuss a mental health plan so you can access some support.

Having a relationship breakdown is one of the top stressors that people can go through and with you already having anxiety, this can be even more difficult. Using the beyondblue forum to gain some peer support is fantastic in conjunction with getting a some professional support for yourself. The loss of a relationship, especially one of this duration, will take some time and adjusting to get through. It is loss and symptoms are usually typical of a grief reaction such as moving through stages like shock, denial, anger, depression and acceptance. These stages are common and never occur in order and people often flip between them at different times.

Getting some professional support that is a reliable outlet for processing your new circumstances is really important. You can use the beyondblue support line on 1300 22 4636 in the interim while you are waiting for an appointment. Having a chat with an objective person can be a really good relief especially if you are about to hit the bottle and binge drink. As you know, the effects of alcohol typically make a person feel worse off even though the numbing effect can offer temporary relief.

Another strategy would be getting back to a hobby or activity that you enjoy that you have been neglecting. This way you can take a break from your worry and try to do something you enjoy at least once a day. Start small, even 15 minutes, but sometimes it’s the little things that get you through.

Using friends and family that you trust might be another way to help you through thia difficult time in your life. You may need to make yourself vulnerable and tell them you are not travelling well and reach out to gain some support.

You are not alone. Please continue to use the forum as others have will have experiences that will be helpful to you.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn

[geoff]

Hello Shelleeb, can I welcome you to the forums and I know how tough it is once your long term marriage ends, yours is 22 and mine was 25 years, something that we would never expect to happen.

All our goods have to be divided up, all those long term memories, the good and the bad, who are our closest friends are going to support, you or your husband, how our children are going to be, and any particular illness that once needed our attention has now stopped, but we still worry about it.

The binge drinking is a temporary solution to help you overcome your sadness, but it's only a band-aid because I was in the same situation, I know that it doesn't solve your sadness, it only prolongs the time before you can get the help you need, in fact, it only makes us feel worse.

I'm not asking you to stop, you will decide when is the right time, but I'm asking you if you can go and see your doctor.

I'm really sorry for this to happen, but I do know how you are struggling.

Please if you can, get back to me.

Geoff.

[Shelleeb]

Thank you Nurse Jenn for you words. Thank you also Geoff.

It's hard when you know what you need to be doing but when you are spiralling it is just to hard to see through the fog.

I am just trying to get through each day one at a time. Some days are better than others.

I have made the decision to stop drinking alcohol as I know it is one of my main triggers. I am also going to see my supportive GP to get a referral to go back for some counselling.

I have wonderful family and friends but I get so embarrassed that I don't want to talk to them about my struggles. At times I think if I say I have anxiety and that I struggle out loud it will be all to much. I'm not sure if that makes sense.