I've been researching some things about anxiety today because I haven't been feeling too happy recently and I need to feel like I have told anyone even if I am anonymously posting on a forum (I hope this is the right place for this).
I have always felt a bit anxious and awkward about certain things here or there, but from my early teenage years to this point it has gotten a lot worse. I struggle to do lots of things that would otherwise be easy for most people my age (17). When I was younger (like most kids) I got anxious about things that I'm sure is pretty standard. I used to love playing sport, going out with my mates and overall just being a happy and normal kid which was how things were until the age of around 13.
Last year I was diagnosed with general anxiety and ADHD which really let me know what I was dealing with. It was nice to know why I had been struggling with doing like what seemed the easiest of tasks.
At the age of around 13, it seemed like I was shutting people out, like my friends. I stopped going out because I was too worried that something bad might happen, I might see someone from school, I might get judged by a random person. To me it sounded dumb especially because everyone in my house is so charismatic and good in social situations. I thought it over to myself; this is so stupid, why would I worry about someone I will most likely never see again, but I couldn't shake that feeling like I was in danger. Being so scared of being judged by the outside world, I locked myself in my room and just started losing myself on video games.
To me I see it as a way to escape my lonely life so I can live a more "ideal life"; To my mum she see's it as an addiction. She doesn't realise I stopped going outside because I am anxious she thinks its because I'm addicted to games. I'm very scared to tell her because she always has been that person that would push it aside and just say something like "no your just being silly" or something. And in her case, fair enough. I've come to figure out that my anxiety is really bad with people I'm not used to. For example, the people i was friends with before my anxiety got bad I don't have a problem talking to etc; which obviously applies to my mum. When i talk to people and when I'm not comfortable I always fidget and my whole body shakes like I'm freezing or something.
Its quite hard to compress the past 4 years into 2500 words but I tried I guess.
