My recent psych appointment

[Detox]

I've seen a psych for a while. They mentioned I present with pathological doubt. Mostly because I complete a series of checks before leaving the house, I'm paranoid about mould/poison exposure, and when I'm at my worst, I'll go shopping and come back with nothing as every item poses risks to my or my loved ones health. 

Lately, I've just been feeling down, my energy is down, my resilience to tackle the day is down, my other half is pregnant, and there are moments when I imagine myself not being here. I don't consider this a suicidal thought, but I did mention I have thoughts to self-harm, as a kind of quick fix, an immediate release, as I don't have time to bother with myself. 

My psych asked me if I've considered antidepressants, I said no, and she said our regularity should increase. I don't know what else to say, I just wanted to write this out.

[Annas1]

Hello Detox,

Welcome to the forum and thank-you for being so honest about how you are feeling at the moment, I know it can be hard to express troubling thoughts and feelings. You sound like you are feeling both anxious and low, and I also know the pattern of exhaustion after prolonged stress. Physiologically it makes sense that running our energy systems at 100% for too long will result in a kind of collapse. Psychologically it can feel like hopelessness. I'm also having a minor "excessive stress leading to exhaustion/despair" period at the moment too. It is pretty horrible and my heart goes out to you.

Your psych recognises that you need more support at the moment, from what you have said I would agree. Don't feel guilty or ashamed about this, instead be compassionate with yourself and practical. I wonder if seeing your gp for a chat or a review of your mental health plan (if you have one) would be a good place to start? I appreciate that taking medication is not something you want to do, and there is no single way to pursue recovery/wellbeing. For me, medication is essential and I now see it as one tool that contributes to keeping me well. A fellow forum member offered their succinct formula for managing mental health - the pill, the will and the skill. Medication is not for everyone, but it might be good not to rule it out so that you have all options to consider. And medication alone is rarely the answer, this is also an important point. The work you are doing with your psych will help you build insight about what's going on for you, strategies to manage your thoughts and feelings, and confidence in your worthiness and capacities.

Sending your encouragement and support.