My other emotions have disappeared

[Angela_Faye]

I'm on the recovery end of anxiety (12year journey) and I have just realised that I don't really have any emotions.  I know how to feel nervous, anxious, scared, frightened, worried, sad - but I don't know how to feel all the other emotions passion, joy, excitement, fulfilled, excellent.  It seems as if I've spent too long down one end of the scale that I have forgotten all the other emotions.  I graduated university; nothing, I got married; nothing, I built a house; nothing...all these moments are supposed to filled with emotions but I didn't seem to have any.  I am on a mission to refill my life with meaning and this involves the full spectrum of emotions. Does anyone have this problem or have any tips on this?

[Doolhof]

Hi Angela Faye,

Thanks for sharing your story. I am wondering if you have ever looked into "Mindfulness". Check this out on the internet and see what you come up with.

It basically means being more aware of what is going on around you and trying to put yourself into the moment.

For example, go out into the sun and feel the warmth of the sun on your face, or the breeze, or rain or even cool water from a tap. Think about how this makes you feel.

Watch funny animal clips and see if you get a laugh out of one or two of them.

One day I visited the animal welfare league just so I could cuddle the cats there. It made me feel happy, sad, comforted and so many other things while I was there.

Do you remember things that made you happy when you were a child? Can you return to some of those things?

I recently went to a large family friendly playground and had fun going down the slides and using the flying fox. I laughed as I flew along on the flying fox. It was exhilarating. Dodgem cars do much the same thing for me. I am now 50 years old...well actually a little bit older.

My diagnosis include depression, Borderline personality Disorder, stress, unresolved grief and PTSD. I know a little about not being full of the positive emotions.

Hopefully you will find ways to feel these things again.

Hopefully you will keep in touch, and also other people will add ideas and thoughts for you.

Cheers for now from (Mrs. ) Dools 

[cantfitin]

Hi.This is my first post.I suppose I just wanted to say that I have always had anxiety. I medicated with alcohol for about 20 years but have been sober now for almost 12 years(on the 24th feb).I take a small dose of medication every day and it takes away most of my anxiety so I don't want to stop taking it.I have been taking it for a few years. The only problem is that it makes me feel numb emotionally. I find it very hard to cry.I used to cry a lot but now I rarely do. I don't really feel excited about much either. I don't like to socialise much.I'm sure I have social phobia as I really don't like being in groups very much although I am doing a pottery class atm which I'm enjoying.This story is going to go on forever so I'm going to stop.Just wanted to share. Thanks for listening. 

[Angela_Faye]

Thank you Doolhof for your reply.  I do mindfulness on a daily basis, but is mainly for my panic attacks to be calm and in the moment.  I've been trying to reflect in the day asking myself how I feel, I can only come up with the word "ok" or "good".  I don't even have the vocabulary to describe how I feel let alone know what I am feeling.  I'll keep on trying though.

[Doolhof]

Hi Cantfit in, do you mind if I change it to CANfitin?

Welcome to Beyond Blue and to the Community here.

Congratulations for being able to be sober for 12 years. That is fantastic. Such a huge thing for you I am sure.

I'm sure if you read other threads here, you will find many people have side effects from their medication including problems with their emotions and feelings.

Unfortunately those things go with some of the medications and different people have their own preculiar reactions.

For myself, I do not do at all well with out antidepressant medication. I can be quite suicidal without it. The medication certainly helps with that, but yes it does dull a lot of other senses. I have to weigh up what is best and being on medication is certainly what is best for me and for everyone else around me!

I have thought many times about doing pottery. I would like to hear more about what you do there and how the process works.

I'm part of a Country Fire Service group and we train once a week. This group is made up of about 20 people, male and female and we are all so different and individual. We all have our own personalities and quirks. One guy is very quiet and doesn't say much at all, and is very efficient in everything he does. One lady comes in singing and is so loud you can hear her down the street.

I muddle along with my forgetful brain and do the best I can. One guy is a fantastic trainer, one girl is great planning the training. We have drivers, fire fighters, people who help in the office and people who are willing to clean the toilets. Everyone is important in their own way.

We may not all be the most popular person on the block, but we all have something special about us. Some people do very well by themselves, others enjoy hundreds of friends. We are all different.

I've raved on a bit too much here. Ha. Ha.

Welcome to the community  Canfitin. Check out the BB Café thread on this forum and have a chat with some people there as well. They are a hoot!

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Angela-Faye

It certainly does sound like you are trying to feel things again and to me more aware of what is happening around you.

One way I try to feel more connected to everything around me is to take photos. The great thing with a digital camera, is that you don't need to print the pictures to see what they are like. I can take thousands of photos and then just delete them all.

Sometimes I go around the garden and take photos and try to see things in a different way for example.

The other day while on a walk I stopped to watch some butterflies on some flowers and then sniffed a few roses. When talking with my husband I tried to really listen to what he was saying.

I'm wondering if printing out a page full of emotional words might help. I know I have been given pages from psychs before that have all kinds of emotions written on them, and some have had faces that depict those emotions.

It might help to look at these and just consider what these emotions are and how you might feel if you were experiencing them. It might be an interesting experiment or a total waste of time! I am not sure.

Being able to say you are okay and good is a great start! At least you can recognise those feelings.

Hopefully you will be able to find some Emotion words and pictures and work on those. I am curious to know how you get on with that.

Cheerio for now, from Mrs. Dools

[geoff]

dear Angela, I am so sorry for how you feel, but that's exactly what happened to me after my long period of being depressed, because there was nothing what's so ever that could lighten up my day, because just like you it has been dragged out of us by the long time of feeling 'locked up' in a void of darkness where everything went wrong.
I was so grateful to know that my depression had finally lifted, but disappointed that I couldn't jump up and down with joy, glee or exuberance.
I should have been happy but because my world had done a complete circle, in other words, I was not going to do anything that I used to love to do, so now I had to focus on what I was going to do, because everything was now different, such as, I always believed that I would still love being a builder/handyman, but because my life had done 360 degree turn, meant that I no longer wanted anything to do with it, so I had to find whatever fell in my lap.
I was not able to go looking for anything, whereas some people would be able to do this, but our family home had just been sold and now I was divorced, living in a rented home by myself, but slowly bit by bit things started to develop and these lead onto other projects.
It may take you awhile to look at all what is going on for you, cause it's become a sudden shock, maybe it happened too fast for you to even concentrate or understand or 'had to go with the flow', so you won't be able to push yourself on trying to feel the joy that you maybe once enjoyed, it has to come to you slowly and bit by bit.
I would be wrapped to hear back from you, not only now but also in a few weeks. Geoff. x

[Angela_Faye]

Hi Mrs Dools, so funny when I read your post.  I am a photographer! 🙂  I spend most of my free time outside taking photos of the beautiful things in life.  I have already printed out some emotion lists trying to grasp these emotions.  It is strange because I understand the words and I understand what they mean, I just do know what it "feels" like.  Oh well, I shall keep on trying.  Maybe it takes a bit of time.

Thanks.

[Doolhof]

Hi Angela-Faye

I'm wondering if there is a different way for you to acknowledge emotions and feelings. I seem to recall in a book or maybe an old movie about Helen Keller, that the person who was trying to teach her what words meant used things like heat and cold.

Maybe you could incorporate your senses more. A comfortable warmth might help you think of peace and comfort, the smell of a hot chocolate might help you to feel happy (if you like hot chocolate) a ride at a theme park might help you experience exhilaration and excitement.

For me water would represent calm, the warmth of the sun-relaxation, the feel of a feather-fun, being tickled-laughter and joy. This may sound a bit weird but it might help.

So how to you feel when you look at the photos that you have taken?

I'd be interested to know. What are your favourite things to photograph?

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools