My mom keeps commenting on my weight and body :(

[waffle_puppy]

(Thank you so much for reading this, it really means a lot to me and I don’t have anywhere else to discuss this safely) So this year, I don’t know why but my mom keeps judging me for what I eat, or even my weight. I am naturally a bit chubby, but that’s it. I don’t know why but today her words hit me like a brick. I felt extremely upset. Usually when she points out my weight I feel proud of who I am and grateful for the foods I get to eat. Today I had a dish I hadn’t had in a while, which was rice and chicken and due to it being a dish I like and hadn’t eaten in months, I instantly ate down roughly two small bowls which wasn’t much. I felt hungry at about 10 PM again, so I come down for another since I really missed the dish. Before I even got to eat it, my mom yelled that I’m obese and I eat too much. I am not obese, and I am just a bit chubby naturally, that’s all. I’m happy with my body as it is and appreciate all the actions it helps me do everyday. But today felt different. I felt like I was going to burst into tears because of her comment. She called me obese in front of her and I’m not obese. I don’t get why she likes to point out my weight and say I’m overweight. But today she called me obese and said that it’s my fault. I can’t help it, I’m still a teenager and I’m growing. I tend to get hungry quickly because I’m really busy drawing, playing games on my computer and talking to my friends. I also walked a lot outside today and had to give my lunch to my friend because he felt hungry. So I got more hungry today. If only my mom understood (Which I have told her about what I did today) then she wouldn’t hopefully call me obese and judge my weight. I don’t know how to feel about my body anymore. I’m grateful I’m not rib-thin but I just want to be myself. She keeps telling me that I need an hourglass torso like the other girls, and she tells me that I need to be slim, feminine and beautiful. I don’t like that at all. I’d say I’m quite a tomboy myself but I really don’t want to fit into modern standards or her standards at all. For example she tells me that I should get thinner so I should wear this dress or this skirt. I don’t like skirts and dresses and would rather wear pants, or a suit. What to do really.. I’m really tired of her commenting on my body and on what I eat, along with me not being feminine to fit into modern standards. I just want to be myself really. 

[indigo22]

Hi Waffle,

Firstly, I want to say how proud I am that you like yourself just the way you are, that is not all that usual for a teenager. Always be true to yourself no matter what anyone says or does, you are an individual and you have the right to be yourself at all times and not try to fit in with the expectations of others.

I grew up with judgemental people around me too so I empathise with your situation. There are many reasons why your mum may be focused on your weight, perhaps she was overweight when she was your age and was teased or bullied about it. But you are not her and you can be the weight you are comfortable with. You should not need to defend yourself when you are feeling hungry. Your body knows when it has had enough food, just listen to it's signs.

I don't know if you feel you have the courage to say what I am about to suggest, but I think it may be something that your mum needs to hear. When this happens again try asking "Is there some reason why you can't just love me as I am?" "I am happy with who I am and the way I look and I choose not to be someone else's version of me".

Please let me know what you think.

Take good care of yourself Waffle,

indigo 💜

[waffle_puppy]

Thank you so much Indigo! 

Actually, I've talked to my mom and our relationship has gotten so much better after I tried out some of the things you've told me here. She appreciates me for who I am, and I appreciate her back of course because she's my mom and I'm grateful that she cares for me as much as my dad and the rest of my family and friends do 🤗❤️  A few days ago she actually took me out to my favorite restaurant together at night, and she eyed me as I said that I'd like spaghetti carbonara again (Since it's my favorite sauce) and she laughed, before telling me that she finds me funny. We had a great night and continued to bond even more. Later on I helped her out back at my house and we had a conversation about what job I'd like in the future and all the VCE subjects I should take (I'm currently in year 9 and would like to be a bassist and singer :D) and she was really happy to hear about what I want to do, which she fully supports. We spent that night listening to vinyls which we both chose out 😄

And once again, thank you so much for your support and advice Indigo, it really helped! 

[indigo22]

Hi Waffle,

I am so pleased to hear you now have a better relationship with your mum, I think sometimes people don't realise the effect of their words and need a reminder. It sounds like you had a lovely evening together and I hope the future holds many more times like that. That's awesome you what to go into music, and that you have her support. I knew I wanted to be a singer at the age of 12, unfortunately I didn't have support but I sang for most of my life because I just had to, it was always a huge part of me.

Stay true to yourself Waffle and please feel free to talk anytime you wish, I will be here for you.

Hugs,

indigo