My Journey

[happyannie]

My battle with anxiety and severe depression started for me when I was nine years old after something traumatic happened to me. I then became a teenager and trouble for me began, I was always restless,had lots of friends but always felt alone I always had the feeling that something bad was going to happen,these feelings where so bad I felt sick most of the time.

I left school, got a job as a hairdresser in the family business, I worked hard, and I also learnt how to party hard, I discovered a numbing agent it was called drugs and alcohol. I was twenty,full of life but always searching for something better, I soon discovered that my life was very complicated and that holding onto my secret since I was nine was coming to the surface, so my way of coping was numbing myself as much as possible.

Then one day I was at a friends house and her cousin was visiting from the Gold Coast, and I was in love, he was gorgeous he had blonde hair and was riding a motor bike. So we went out a few times as a group but soon discovered we only wanted to talk to each other.Well he never went back to the Gold Coast, he stayed, got a job, and we fell madly in love. I thought everything was pretty good in my life but I still had my demons.

We got engaged and twelve months later we got married. Everything was beautiful, we started our lives together but I was always anxious and on edge. We moved to my hometown where my amazing parents and brother lived, my brother was a hairdresser as well he was the salon manager. I was twenty four and we just found out that we where going to have a baby. Our beautiful daughter was born and I soon discoveted very early on that being a Mum

[BballJ]

Hi happyannie,

Did the rest of your post get cut off? Was very interesting to read your story... just want to see if you finished it or is there more to come?

My best,

Jay

[MsPurple]

Hi happyannie

thank you for sharing your story. I am glad you met the man of your dreams and had a beautiful baby girl. I'm sorry you had a traumatic event happen to you that may have bought on your anxiety.

Unfortunately anxiety and depression can start at a young age and continue into adulthood (even if it has on and off moments). It can affect anyone at any stage of life. You maybe at a time that should be the happiest in your life, but still be affected. It is an illness that does not discriminate. I'm sorry you feel like you have to keep it a secret. I know the feeling because I kept it a secret (or tried to) for years as well. (I also had it from childhood). Have you talked to your husband about it? Have you talked to your GP about it? I would recommend it if it is still making you suffer. I am so glad I reached out and got the help and support from my family and healthcare team.

Anxiety and depression can be like the beach. Some days you are great and it is like the water is calm. Some days you may have some bits of anxiety and it feels wavy, other days it hits you hard and you feel like you may drown in the rough water. But when you get support from your healthcare team and family (such as support and possible counselling etc.) it is like they throw you a boggy board and you feel like you can handle the rougher weather. You still may have the anxiety (be in the rough surf) but it feels managable and better. Does this make sense? So even if you are in the calm water and you are concerned it is more a rarety to be in calm water, I would still see your GP and talk about it.

Remember anxiety affects around 1 in 5 people, it is nothing to be ashamed off. Getting help, reaching out for support and talking about it is a sign of strength not weakness. Thank you for sharing your story and opening up to us.

[happyannie]

. I Soon discovered that being a Mum wasn't easy and I was very troubled all the time,I was soon diagnosed with post natal depression and I really wasn't coping with things in my life, then one night I had a few drinks and I finally plucked up the courage to tell my husband my secret that I had being keeping to myself for so long, I remember that night so clearly I cried like I had never cried before. My husband didnt cope with my secret very well, but he did find me some more help and support and the medical treatment I needed.

I also after time, plucked up the courage and shared my secret with my Mum and she was so shocked. But as usual with my Mum she just wanted to help me,she held me closee as if I was that nine year old little girl again.

We ended up moving away from my hometown and we moved interstate to try to start all over again.It worked for a little while but my depression was getting worse I never wanted to do anything and never wanted to leave the house.

But then my world changed when I was told that my Granma who was 94 had passed away. This really affected me alot.

The years went bye and I was always anxious still and finding life hard to cope with.

Then everything changed again for me when my beautiful Mum told me that she had Motor Neurons Disease and she was going to die, my whole world turned upside down. I started drinking again, which only made things worse. My Mum battled for 18 months and sadly she passed away soon after. I was my Mums carer and was their with her at the end.So now I had to look after my elderly father I never got any help from my brother as he was a chronic alcoholic. Dad moved into the nursing home and he hated it and sadly my Dad rang me one night to tell me that my brother had passed away at his house he was 43 years old, more sadness and loss to cope with. He died 11 months after Mum and then 11 months after losing my brother My Dad passes away with myself and my husband at his side.

Fast forward a few years and now Im 47 and am full of grief depression anxiety panic attacks and I never want to leave the house. Im fully medicated but still have bad side effects with my meds,

Thank you Beyond Blue I finally have a safe place to share my story

Thanx Annie

[blondguy]

Hey happyannie

Good to talk to you again. You have really done so well to have ....

• already posted prior to creating your own thread
• the inner strength to reach out and share the pain you have gone through...well done to you

The road you have traveled has been a rough and unpleasant one. (understatement of the century). When you posted before on the other thread topic I was really hoping you would create your own thread...Nice1 annie

If it wasnt for people like you to take the time and courage to post there would be no Beyond Blue forums.

I am truly sorry for the pain you have endured and the resulting consequences to your health.

On the other thread, I am glad your husband liked the 'legend' tag.....I meant every word of it because he and your daughter are giving you the support and assistance that is required to keep the healing process happening.

Beyond Blue is a Judgemental Free Zone with the bulk of posters having similar levels of pain as yourself and can understand and appreciate the dark places you have been in.

Welcome to the BB Forum Family happyannie 🙂

my kindest thoughts for you and your family...you are not alone....

Paul

[Traveller73]

Thanks for sharing yourstory. What doesn't kill us makes you stronger-and you are probably alot stronger then you realise. Embrace your husband and child. Try and do something nice for yourself every day.

[happyannie]

Thanx alot for your support your reply is appreciated! I think I definately should try to do something nice for myself each day , my husband is always telling me the same thing...

Annie

[blondguy]

Hey Annie

Traveller73 hit the nail on the head with treating yourself everyday and your husband has covered this too 🙂

Is the treatment for your agoraphobia going okay?

Good to see you Annie

I hope your day is good to you

Paul

[happyannie]

Hi Paul

I hope that you have a good day today!

Yes I am being treated for my agoraphobia I have awesome medical support I have the best Psychiatrist and Psychologist who without them I would be lost.

My Psychologist and I are going to work really hard on the agoraphobia this year, I really want to get control back..

I hate feeling this way and I know Im missing out on alot..

I also want to surprise my husband and take him out somewhere he does so much for me

Once again thanx for your help and support

Annie

[BballJ]

Hi Annie,

Thank you so much for sharing your story and thank you so much for finding a place you could vent all this out. I am so sorry with all the pain you had endured, I can't imagine what it all must of felt like, your strength weather you feel it or not, is immense... you would have so much advice that i think can help many, many people and that is what these forums about, finding solace in your pain but helping others, which I find helps in a small way with our own mental health battles.

Keep posting and I am sure we'll try to help and just talk to you.

My best for you and your family,

Jay