My anxiety is ridiculous!!

[Emlm]

Hi, I feel absolutely pathetic right now. Like a child actually. It feels like it's such a unimportant issue but it's constantly wearing on me. I'm a grown woman, a mother. I should be able to do this!! It's all regarding me driving a manual car. I can't do it! It's silly but I get panic attacks as soon as other vehicles are around. I can drive, I no that, but as soon as I have to drive a manual or there's talk about me driving a manual I lose it. We are meant to sell my car, my partner and me have set a goal of 6 months. Than I'll be driving his which is the manual..... we currently have 2 cars plus his work vehicle so one car has to go and it's mine. Mine can't tow and his is the newer one and 4wd.

I will litereally stop the car and get out if I freak out too much. I feel very unsafe and like I'm a danger to everyone. I'm a capable driver in any automatics. Never had a fine or been pulled over. I don't no what to do. It's really pathetic. If there's no one around I'm fine, I can drive fine. What is wrong with me?!? My partner says "you'll be fine, just get over it". Than when I say I can't he says he'll just sell it than because it's just sitting in the shed and wasting money. I feel guilty and it's causing more stress than it should. Is there anyone else who has this crazy feeling? How to I try and get past this? I have suffered from a mood disorder before and I don't want this to take over and me to spiral down.

[BballJ]

Hi Emlm,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

We have had a few people come on the forums seeking help with driving issues, where anxiety and panic takes over in certain situations like driving at night, having a fear of not being able to go to the toilet if they were stuck in traffic, fear of being in a car accident, stuff along those lines, I personally haven't seen one about driving a manual car but doesn't mean that it isn't a real fear and it should be treated accordingly.

Has anything ever happened previously involving a manual car that causes you to get really scared and in a panic state? Or has this been a common occurrence during your driving years? It may be worth speaking to a GP about this fear and maybe speaking to a psychologist to try and get to the root of the reason this task causes you such panic.

Please, post back as much as you wish, I am always happy to talk.

My best,

Jay

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Emlm,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for your post!

Everything you've mentioned is absolutely not pathetic and totally valid. Your worries are shared by many! I personally hated driving manuals; there was too much to think about and too much to concentrate on. I know many people who refuse to drive manuals, for different reasons.

It sounds like though that this is something you want to work through; whether it's because you want to or need to. What do you think is your biggest fear when it comes to driving a manual? Is it that you feel like you won't be able to shift gears quick enough and crash the car? Even though it's frightening to think about I really encourage you to think 'worst case scenario'. In reality the likelihood of it happening is probably quite low. Given that you've said that you're okay with driving alone it makes me think it's more of a social thing rather than being a competent/capable driver.

I think it depends on your worry; for me personally; it was the multitasking and feeling too overwhelmed. Crashing a manual while driving safely is genuinely quite difficult; but again, it depends on your worry.

I wonder if it might be helpful to look into driver training? I've heard of many people doing it (young and old) and it's a great way to gain that extra confidence and reassurance. I have a friend whose a driving teacher and she often gets women and men who are afraid of driving a manual. Sometimes just a lesson or two could be just what you need.

Hope this helps,

[Emlm]

Thank you for your reply. I think it started after I lost a friend in a motorcycle accident when I was 17. After that I am very uneasy being a passenger. I'm lucky I don't live in a city because I panic if I have to use public transportation. I can't relax when someone else is driving. I'm the worst back seat driver lol. I obay every sign on corners that recommend a slower speed and if the person driving doesn't I get scared and think the worst. "It's only recommended" not the actual speed. With the manual car, I feel like I don't have control which is utterly ridiculous because people say you have more... in my twisted thinking I don't. I don't feel safe. This is starting to affect my life. My partner wants me to learn to drive his car as it's new and I've had some mechanical problems with mine. Since he works away all week he said feels better if I drive his knowing it doesn't have issues. it's also a financial issue, one rego insurance etc since his work one we car use for personal. (All up 3 cars). I don't no how to explain to him my fear/ anxiety is real and it's not something I can just get over? Or should I just keep pushing through and continue to give it a go out in the back roads? Though as soon as I hit any traffic I'll pull over and jump out.

[BballJ]

Hi Emlm,

I think speaking to a counsellor may be a good thing for you, you have something in you that gives you a lot of panic and I always think they need to be addressed. There is nothing silly about how you are feeling and it should be treated as any fear. I am not sure just pushing through will give you the results you want as I think the panic will take over and you really do not want that on the road. I know it's hard to explain to people which is why I suggest a counsellor. Possibly could even try driving lessons with an instructor down the track? May help you get some confidence with it.

My best,

Jay

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Emlm,

Thanks for your post.

Sorry about the late reply! I really appreciate you opening up about losing your friend and I'm so sorry for your loss.

I feel like it's so common for so many people to struggling with driving as it is, but when there's like trauma or loss it just makes things a thousand times more complicated! It makes total sense that you would be feeling unsafe and it's not ridiculous. What you're feeling is totally valid and understandable even if your partner isn't really able to comprehend it.

I really agree with Jay in that talking to a counsellor might be a good idea. Sometimes they do this thing called 'exposure therapy' which is about making sure you feel totally safe before you even jump in the car and being able to move through that panic safely rather than let it paralyse you. I also think they might be able to help you be able to talk to your partner about this and have them understand. It can be so hard for people to wrap their heads around fear when they haven't gone through the same thing; but I think it's about him just being there for you in the best way he knows how even if he can't fully 'get it'.

Hope this helps,