MOVING OUT - CHANGE - ANXIETY

[Chloe90]

Hey Guys,

looking for some guidance around CHANGE and how other people find themselves coping with it! I have been talking about moving out for a while now and finally bit the bullet. I get the keys on the 12th November. I currently live at home with my parents and siblings and I just turned 30!

fast forward to Monday just gone I had the most horrible panic attack at work, where I had to leave and get my sister to come get me. Every since then I’ve been emotional and anxious. I didn’t think moving out was affecting me and I’m not sure if that’s what has triggered this but I guess my question is do other people get like this with change.

do you hang in there and push through or give up which would be easier?

looking forward to hearing some stories so I know I’m not alone!

Much love Chloe.

[smallwolf]

hi.

will reply to your post from top to bottom.... firstly well done you for taking the step to moving out. It is a big change in life and can be stressful for a number of reasons. And you will also get a some independence as well. Belated happy birthday also.

😞 about the panic attack you experienced. And it sounds you and your sister are quite close that she was able to come and get you. And a panic attack can take a toll on your body/mind.

It sounds as though you are unsure what cause was... how is your working going? relationships? how you feel about moving out? A combination of the above?

Even if you cannot work it out... what have you done since the panic attack occurred:

• have you spoken to anyone about what happened
• I find walking to be a good way of getting away from things (and also exercise!) and reflection
• perhaps some breathing exercises might help or other meditations
• take a nap

if you are looking for my stories, they are in the bullet points above. Please also note that it is OK to get professional help if you are concerned. My own experience is that it is not good to keep thoughts and feelings inside.

You are not alone as you asked, just things like this are not really spoken about. At the place where I see a psychologist I have seen people from other parts of my life and unless I saw them there, I would not have known otherwise.

Tim

[CalmCat]

Hi Chloe,

What a sweet and sincere post!

I feel your worry, I was so nervous when I moved out also. When moving out whether it be alone or with house mates, you just have to feel the fear and go for it. Don't look back or forward live in the now and everything should be okay.

Are you nervous about housemates or the finances of moving?

Regards,

D

[Gambit87]

Hey Chloe!

Good on ya for moving out! its daunting but exciting!

I understand how you feel and I have similar anxiety when it comes to moving.

I'm a creature of habit, i'm the sort of person that once I settle into a groove/routine I like to stay there. Its comfortable, you know the surroundings, you feel safe, things are good the way they are right?

Dont get me wrong, im all for change because change is a good thing but when im forced to make a big change (like moving) anxiety hits me like a freight train. The what ifs, the 'will it be ok', the feelings of something will go wrong all sink in. Its terrible. Thankfully I have a great partner who pretty much holds my hand and talks through it with me

Trust me - You will get though it! You're going to get anxious, you're going to move and you're still going to feel anxious while doing it but it will clear up and then youre going to faceplam and say to yourself 'what the heck, it wasnt that bad' - Happens to me every. single. time. haha.

My advice - talk about it! openly talking about it really helps.

[Chloe90]

Hi Smallwoof,

Thanks for you’re response!

Man I wish I could put my finger on it the only big change is the big move out of the family home into my own house on my own. It’s the only thing I can relate to the panic attack and the subsequent anxiety. I’m on day 5 and I’m not panicky but anxiety and emotional feelings still here.

I can’t stop overthinking the house and being alone in it and if I have a panic attack who will help me?

I’m currently medicated but still experience panic / anxiety 3-4 times a year and I really don’t want to change medication ( see I’m already overthinking my medication not working).

I wish I was a ‘normal’ person who didn’t struggle with change but it triggers me for some reason!!

[Chloe90]

Hey D,

Thankyou so much for your response.

At the start I thought it was finances but now it’s just the feelings of leaving my family to live alone and not being able to cope. I’ve got myself into such a panic that I’m considering not even moving out!

[Chloe90]

Hey Gambit,

Thankyou for your response.

im such a creature of habit anything really new and daunting sends me for a sixer. I really want to push through this but also just want to throw the whole thing in and say stuff it. But if I let it win it will always win!

Your words about getting through this gives me hope. I’m single and don’t have a partner, any tips you did to help yourself through the transition and how long do you think these feelings last for?

[Gambit87]

Hey Chloe,

what helps me is 'capping' my thoughts. I allow my self to over think but then im like ok im done now, its going to be annoying at first but it will be ok.

also be positive (i know its easier said then done) and be kind to yourself and treat yourself. For me, these feelings only last a few days after a big change. Thats when I face palm and say to myself seeeeeeeeeee it wasnt that bad haha.

[smallwolf]

I have said on numerous occasions to my psychologist and psychiatrist that I wished I were normal. The reply I get from my psychiatrist is "what is normal". I know what you are saying and I know what they mean but it is still frustrating isn't it.

On the medication, I am in a similar boat to you ... possibly. That is the medication I am on is best one yet. And yet I have these extended down periods. I don't want to change as I know how I was like other ones and would only want to change to something I thought was better. But that guarantee does not exist. So I guess I have to be content with know that I will get through this period ...

Anyways.... thought I would pop in and say hello and see how you were doing. Hope you are doing OK.

Tim

[BeADodo]

Hi Chloe90,

I’m going through a similar experience right now, my partner and I are moving out of the city to the bayside on Friday.

I’m 31, moved out of home when I was 21 into a unit 5mins from my parents. I remember becoming so anxious about the drive to work from this ‘new place’ that I found myself taking extra time to drive towards my original route, before continuing into the city, so that I could feel like nothing had changed! Over time I got used to it and started taking the quicker route. I felt like it was the right move for me, and despite what I’m sure was a lot of anxiety at the time, all I remember is that I did the right thing.

In 2016 I moved to the city to be closer to work. I don’t remember my exact feelings at the time, apart from feeling like I was moving for a reason - a 1.5hr commute - to have more time in my day. I remember feeling empowered by this change, because the unit had everything I wanted and was right near work.

I now have a partner and he decided his best friend could move in with us (I didn’t reallllyy agree), which forced us to make a decision to rent a house in an area we liked, but not necessarily the best house for us (no pets).

The lack of control I felt I had over this change, made my brain push back against it, and for the last few weeks I’ve felt many waves of anxiety and sadness, to the point where I’m questioning things like: why am I leaving this beautiful unit overlooking the city and mountains? Should I have broken up with my partner to stay here?

I’m also finding negatives in the new house we are moving into, because I can’t remember things from the inspection... so overall at the moment I feel like this is the wrong move for me, and as a result I’m constantly tired, can’t focus at world feeling nauseous, depressed, overwhelmed... I’m just hoping I feel better after the move.

I guess what this shows is that the event of moving isn’t the trigger of anxiety for me, it’s how much I believe it’s the right move vs the wrong move. My cons list far outweighs my pros at the moment, but we signed the lease and have everything ready to go so I can’t back out now.

Have you tried doing a pros and cons list of moving out vs staying at home? Include all the things like independence, emotional growth, bringing people home with you, while still remembering you have a safety net to visit your parents if they’re close. If you find it’s the right move, then just keep telling yourself that when you have doubts.