Made a silly decision now anxious

[Overthinkingmum]

Hello all , I am really embarrassed about what I’m about to speak about , I’m a grown adult and I’m so disappointed about myself . I do not take drugs but a month ago now I was a complete sheep on the odd occasion I was out and joined in at a party and snorted coke , an hour or so into the “ session “ I realised I didn’t like what I was going . I snorted with maybe four friends with a rolled up bank note . I regret this and I will never do it again however since this I haven’t been able to focus on anything else . I have read I think every single medical website about the transmission of hiv and hep c . Most say hep c is definite and hiv is low or non existent . I am not sleeping properly and have been in tears numerous times . I am too embarrassed to go to my local gp as he birthed my children and I feel so so so silly let alone dealing with the judgement that will come . Anyways it for so bad that I rang a local hepatitis help line the other day . The professional on the other line said hiv is not a worry at all ( I can’t understand this ) and that hep c risk is so so low that he wouldn’t even advise a test .

he said for piece of mind I could test in 2 more months but he would worry and he thinks I’m completely fine . now my question is why would all medical websites state different and why would a professional advise not to really test if he thinks I had a real risk ? I am very confused and cannot hey this feeling of doom out of my head . I’ve learnt a big lesson so please no judgement but if anyone can understand how I’m feeling and talk with me I would be greatly appreciated 😞

[Overthinkingmum]

Sorry for the typos , im so frantic atm.

[quirkywords]

Overthinking mum,

Welcome to the Forum. This is a friendly supportive place full of non judgmental people.

Unfortunately age or having children does not stop us doing things that later we may wish we hadn't.

Sometimes with websites it depends on the expertise of the organisation in charge. Also the degree of risk can be interpreted in different way. I think a hepatitis help line will have up to date information.

I think the professional realised how concerned you were so he may have suggested a test in 2 months to help you stop worrying.

If you are worried is so it is affecting you so much do you think it will help having the test so you can put your mind at rest.

I am not sure if the professional from the help line mentioned there are many ways to get hep c.

Many years ago for work I needed to get vaccinated againt hepc and a few other things. We had to have a blood test before to see if we had antibodies. I had an antibody for hep c and I was not in any of the high risk groups and was told that people get hepc who are not in these groups.

I was a bit confused at first and embarrassed and I have never had any symptoms.

I can understand how you are feeling but you are human and you have learnt from this experience.

Feel free to post here any time.

I am queen of typos as you will notice if you read any of my posts, so don't aplogise. Your post was well written and easy to read.

Quirky

[Ryan_j]

Hi there, you seriously need to relax. I have been in a similar situation before and it is clearly just anxious due to the guit of doing what you foen(which isn’t even that bad at all by the way)

I assure you any feelings you are having are purely due to you feeling guilty which you really shouldn’t be doing.... The chance of catching anything from a back note is essentially nil.

Just relax, I know i shouldn’t day forget about it as that’s the problem but you seriously need to move on and know you are fine and essentially down nothing wrong ....

[Joey123]

Hey Overthinking mum,

I went through something very similar about 3 months ago. I am also not a drug user and made a stupid mistake whilst at a party and under the influence of alcohol. Nothing could have ever prepared me for what was to follow. I didn't sleep for days, couldn't stop thinking, had all these crazy thoughts about how I was now a drug addict, my brain was damaged, How I have caused all sorts of issues to my mental health, people would look down on me, my family would be disappointed, I would never go back to normal... the list continues. As time went on things got worse and I cried almost every day because I couldn't stop the thoughts. My anxiety was through the roof and was present all day long. I couldn't focus on work, family or anything else in life. Then finally I decided to get help. I spoke to my family and told them everything that happened and I kid you not it was as if a building had lifted off my shoulders and it was the first time in 3 months that I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I then visited the doctors and got some medication and a mental health plan which gave me access to see a psychologist. Since then things have just been getting better day by day.

What I have learnt from my experience (apart from that drugs are bad) is that don't let anyone judge you - we all make mistakes in life. I suggest you try telling family / close friends what's happening for support and see a doctor for some help because help is defiantly out there. Lastly do not believe all the thoughts that come into your mind as its jus the guilt of the mistakes speaking.