Lost and can’t control myself

[Gossips]

I’m new to this and I don’t really know where to start.

iv been dealing with myself for a good few years now, I’m only young but lately it just seems to have become too much. Everything I’m doing doesn’t feel like enough, I feel I push those around me away that I truly care about and want to share my life with. Iv shut down, I feel nothing and I’m all I can feel is emptiness.

its affected my job, myself, my partner and I love my partner with everything I am. Doing this for her and for us to be happy again is the only way I can write this post. I’m not used to opening up, I can’t do it to other people. I’m hoping that doing it anonymously online might help. But I’m terrified if I don’t find myself again, I’m going to lose everything around me I care about..

life has been black, and all I want is the light back in my life. I want to be happy.

[Betternow]

Good morning Gossips

I agree with you, it is often easier to open up anonymously by posting here than trying to have a discussion face to face. The black feelings you describe would indeed make life uncomfortable.
Is it possible for you to go into more detail? Tell us some more about your relevant history, perhaps some specific examples of the events that disturb you. That way the people reading your post may be able to offer you more practical support and advice.

Please stay optimistic, there is help available.

[Gossips]

My relevant history is what continues to bring me back down, my anxiety is everyday it’s constant. But it’s when I lose control of myself and can’t handle everything around me, that’s when I regret what I’m doing. I’m struggling within myself in finding the peace that I’m enough for what I do or for those I care about that like I said it starts to affect my relationship.

i try, yet feel like it’s never enough, I fall, and am unable to pick myself back up yet won’t take help from those who care about me cause I’m embarrassed.

im at a crossroad with myself everyday I wake up, and it’s time I sort out how to deal with that and get happy again, I miss the feeling of love and being loved. I want the light back in my life.

[Here_I_am]

Hi Gossips,

Firstly I just want to say that I think you've made a very important and brave first step by reaching out and posting here. The community here is very empathetic and is full of wisdom, and I hope you find a lot of useful help and a bit of hope as you continue to engage with the forums, and indeed the broader Beyond Blue website.

Anonymity is valuable, and I get that you don't feel comfortable opening up to people you are close to. How would you feel about taking a step toward talking to someone one on one if you could still remain unidentified? I am thinking of some resources that provide phone services that are professional interventions such as Beyond Blue's phone service (1300 22 4636).

I want to encourage you to consider talking to a health professional such as your GP. There is so much help on offer that helps us out of this quicksand, and you seem smart; you've identified already that we can't heave ourselves out of this. So, perhaps approaching your GP to have a chat about some options that are right for you is a healthy, proactive step worth taking?

I hope you find some relief from your struggles soon. If you feel comfortable in doing so, it would be valuable to hear how you go as you put in place some of these big-step ideas on how to get on top of these feelings which I imagine are horrible to live with.

Talk soon.