Loneliness

[Frogsong]

Is it just me or are there others out there who have trouble making friends. I've lived in the area for such a long time but can't seem to find my niche. I've tried on several occasions to participate in different things but for one reason or another, my anxiety and fear of being rejected takes over. I know it's something l have to try and overcome but it's really hard and I am 60. I'm very kind and tolerant, married to a man who l know loves me, but he isn't social which doesn't help.
If it wasn't for my kids, l think l would just pack up and go.
So if there's any one who is going through similar things I'd love to hear from you.

[Frogsong]

Thankyou,
My father died on the 19th, not sure how l feel, certainly not how l felt when my mother died..l haven't even cried yet.
He was a narcissistic man who sucked you in and spat you out. I think that's why l have so much trouble making friends as I'm so afraid of being hurt. And it has happened, l opened myself up to someone and got hurt a couple of years ago so my walls are back up. If anyone tries to get close, l push them away.
I am craving what most women want and that being someone who calls you and asks you out for a cuppa or lunch.
Anyway, l turned up for Orientation for my volunteering and the lady wasn't there, she got called out.....she never rang me so l was very disappointed.
Just not meant to be!

[Ggrand]

Hello Frogsong...

I’m sorry to hear about your father...my father was the same and then my husband...I never seen both my parents for many years before they passed away....I don’t think I cried for my father until much later on...I didn’t attend his funeral and I do regret that today...I cried a lot for my mum..we did contact each other a few months before she past and started reconnecting...We can’t force ourselves to grieve their loss..but more so then not a time will come when the flood gates will open....

Im sorry to hear about your orientation day..that’s so wrong she didn’t ring you...Please don’t give up on it..Do you think you could ring her to find out what happened..maybe something unexpected happed..that needed her urgent attention, or car breakdown, traffic...just thinking of a few things that might have stopped her from attending...non the less I feel she should have rang you....

I lived with a narcissistic father..then a cruel narcissistic husband for 38 years...until he passed away..I can relate to what you say about your father...and I’m deeply sorry you had to go through that as a child....

Thats okay lovely Frogsong....No need to open up here unless you feel safe to do so....in the mean time we can get to know the beautiful person that you are...and support you in other ways...

My neighbour who I call Mrs..NSC (not so cranky)..I gave her that name because when I moved in next door to her..she started going off at me about my dogs...now after 3 years she is ( not so cranky)...asked me for a coffee today and I went over...Do you have a neighbour that you can have a coffee and chat to sometimes?..

Here for you precious lady when you feel up to chatting..no pressure at all...Do you have any interests at all...like sewing, knitting, cross stitch, crotchety etc...

My kindest thoughts always..

Grandy..

[Frogsong]

Hello Grandy,
Thankyou for your reply again and so sorry to hear you had such a hard time with your father. Sometimes l wonder if it's a generational thing, we must keep on keeping on. I guess l was lucky as my mother was very loving, although her way of escaping it was to work all the time, thus leaving us to our own devices.
I didn't really understand why my father was like he was until l was a lot older, l actually adored him, but now l realise I loved him but l don't like him and l think some of his behaviour has rubbed off on me. Such as pushing people away if they get too close...lucky my husband understands. I am trying really hard not to become him.
I think l am sad for my father that he couldn't be happy, l just hope he now finds his peace.
I did email the lady about volunteering and asked if we could reschedule so hopefully that will happen. In the meantime l am looking into other things to get out and about.
Take care

[Tonyl]

Hi mate yea I feel ya .

I moved to the city from my old town when I met my now wife. I found moving from a smaller town where you knew everyone to a city hard. I tried for many years to make friends.

I played sport got involved with clubs but there was this constant division it seemed. The people I made friends with moved away and I was left alone again. I really get frustrated at times now I just reserve myself to being alone and having friends by association ie wife’s friends partners etc.

can be difficult at times when she is social- always on the phone messaging to her mates and your trying to connect with your wife.
I am hoping to get back into golf soon put myself out there again. I’m the same I have kids too I’m trying to focus on being a great dad and hubby to my wife.
women tend to hold on to their mates from school etc as males we work hard then look up and realise what’s happened to our friends.

keep fit walk the dog , focus on what makes you happy again hobbies etc.

[Frogsong]

Hello Tonyl,
Sorry you are feeling the way you feel, yes, it can be so hard sometimes. Going back to golf sounds ideal it may take time, but don't do what l do, that is give up too soon, hang in there.
I'm sure you will meet some people.
Frogsong

[Amanda2000]

Hi Frogsong,

Sorry to hear about your father and your volunteer experience that did not go so well.

Both my parents are still around. Superficially we get along well but deep down inside I have a lot of emotional baggage from the past. I avoid going to functions with them unless I absolutely have to. Too much pressure having to act as the picture-perfect 3-generation family in front of their friends and relatives. Kind of like being in the royal family haha. It freaks me out when I get these thoughts pre-empting my reaction when the "day of goodbye" comes. Will I feel a sense of finally being free from the past?!

[music_man]

Hi Frogsong,

I'm sorry for your loss. I felt compelled to write you as much of what you say resonates with me. Both of my parents passed away suddenly in the last 3 years. My Mum was first and it completely devastated me. She was a loving mother and I still cry over her on a regular basis. My Dad on the other hand was not a nice person and I'm still yet to cry over his passing and it's been nearly 2 years. I always loved him but he was a completely selfish man who only thought of himself. My Mum was the complete opposite.

I also struggle to make friends and when I do I tend to push them away for fear of being hurt, like I have been so many times in the past. I'd rather not have any friends and only have to rely on myself than have a large group of friends that I can't rely on at all. That was my situation, I was let down so many times by my so called friends that I ended up cutting them out of my life, at least that stops me getting hurt all the time. The downside to it is of course being lonely.

Hang in there, I hope things are going well.

mm

[Frogsong]

Hi Amanda, l'm not sure what the key is...maybe letting go.
I know when my father passed l felt a bit numb but now trying to focus on the good is helping...walking and I've started painting....not good at it, but can lose myself in it.
Take care

[Frogsong]

Hello music_man,
Isn't it strange there are so many lonely people out there, wouldn't it be good if we could just yell out and make friends as easy as it is to drive a car. Trusting after you get hurt is difficult Isn't it, l can relate. I have decided that there are good people out there and I'm going to try harder, slowly of course. I hope you find your way forward and am looking forward to hearing you are ok.
Take care

[Tammy_]

Hi, I'm in my 40's and I too find it difficult to make friends but recently got a dog and I find it helps me to get out each day and meet people other people with dogs and form bonds with people with a common interest. I don't know if this is possible for you to do or if you like dogs but they have helped me with my loneliness. Hugs