Leaving Work at 50yo and moving states.
I've been a teacher with my school for 16 years. I have been the teacher librarian at the school and have had many traumatic experiences with bullying and intimidation from executive staff in the past 16 years. 5 years ago I was finally given my own autonomy with my curriculum. But this year my new supervisor decided to change this on me and my curriculum is no longer library based and instead a extension of literacy from class. I find it very difficult to teach it as it's out of my expertise and on top of that, I feel like my teaching identity has been stripped from me.
Now I've decided to take long service leave from Week 5 in Term 2 and Leave Without Pay from Term 3 for 12 months. I'm going nuts with anxiety that I'm doing the wrong thing but at the same time I'm relieved that I'm not going to be around in a very toxic environment. I'm worried I won't cope with the change and that I will not find a suitable job. It's been a difficult process with the Qld Dept of Education which is where I'm off to, I have heaps of paper work to find and get cited by a JP or similar. I'm freaking out and if I do finally get my teaching approval in Qld, I still have to get past the ickiness of casual teaching. I'm not sure how I'm going to do this.
Hello Rhysiee, I'm sorry for being in this situation, but felt as though you needed to and that's understandable, however, if I can suggest during this time off you get the help you may need to try and restore your confidence by seeing your doctor, who may also suggest a 'mental health plan', which entitles you to 10 Medicare paid sessions to visit a psych.
There is also the possibility of doing some tutoring which may regain your strength slowly in knowing you are capable of doing this and there may be other jobs you could apply for, if you wish, somewhere else in the education department.
Thank you so much for your thoughts and suggestions. I'm a vetran with anxiety and depression, as I've had 3 bad relapses in the past. This has just happened to become my 4th now. I have gone to visit my doctor and got a mental health plan and already have an appt to see my psych who knows me well. Just the uncertainties make me worry. My meds seem to have stopped kicking in and I really can't afford to go to see a psychiatrist for a review. So not sure if it's just the extra stress that's got my meds not doing it's job or I've become tolerant to them. I've been waking up with bad anxiety and depression and sometimes don't even want to get out of bed. But I force myself but I live with the whole feeling of emptiness and constant impending doom. Frustrating as I've been through this before and always come out rainbows and fairyfloss. It's been 10 days now that I haven't had a day without anxiety or depression. I'm quite over it to be honest. To make things worse, I don't have any friends in this cruel city. So i don't have many people to hang out with and try to distract me..
Hello Rhysiee, it is so difficult for us to know whether or not the meds have just stopped working or aren't doing the job as previously, only a doctor can make this decision, but perhaps if your situation has changed for the worst, it could be possible.
Relapses can happen without warning and can certainly disrupt your plan of thinking, something you weren't expecting, but will slowly be able to be overcome when you can gain your strength back, when something takes your eye and you can focus on it that may distract your thinking and build a new foundation which could be totally different than before.
Having friends does certainly help, but it's within yourself to be able to concentrate on a new beginning.
Thanks Geoff. It's always good to hear positive thoughts. I know I will get through this. If I wake up one day and don't feel that anguish of depression and fear of anxiety, I will know I"ve gone through it. If the meds don't kick in by next week, I'll request a med review which I fear as well.
In the mean time, I'm like. "Do i take leave without pay from my work and trust I'll find something else in Term 3 or just stick it out and be financially secure at my mental health's cost?". Personally i would like to leave and be closer to my family. But doing casual work will challenge my confidence if I'm not doing a good job. Then I don't know what to do with my stuff. If i take some stuff it's going to cost a mint, if i don't, I won't have anything to have with me if I move out of my folks home in Goldie. Aghh, I'm jumping ahead of myself.
Thanks anyway, I know you can't answer my questions, but it's good just to write this stuff and feel like I"ve dealt with it. LOL. But it'll still lurk in my mind tomorrow. agh.
Hello Rhysiee, thanks for getting back to us.
Starting new medication is always a concern because we are never sure what type of side-effects we may have, the trouble is, and I do it as well, is to look up the type of med on the net, but the manufacturer has to list everything that is a possibility and may happen to you, they need to do this to cover themselves against any legal action, the trouble we seem to take on are the negatives more than the positives.
The doctors normally give a person a reduced dosage to begin with and then slowly increase the mgs if there are no problems.
If you aren't feeling well, try not to jump too far ahead of yourself because your situation and your circumstances can change at any time, take it day by day or if you like half a day by half half a day.
We are always here and would love to hear back from you.
Thank you for your encouraging works.
I have been given approval to take long service leave for the end of Term 2 and after the winter break, I'll be on 12 months learve with out pay. Of course this has caused me more anxiety!! Anway, I was hoping to join a support group. The only thing I've found is a GROW group nearby. Have you heard of this? I am starved for friendship and simple conversation these days and thought that it'll be nice to meet other people like me.
Hello Rhysiee, you can also communicate with eGrow online, however, this won't give you the physical choice of actually being with a group of people and perhaps if you are able to go to a meeting, then there will be other people in a similar position as you, where you can talk amongst yourselves.
A great idea and please let us know how you get on.