Job anxiety affecting my life

Eternally_Anxious · ‎11-02-2018

Hi there,

I’m new to the site, and i have an appointment with a psychologist in 2 weeks, but i’m after some advice on how to manage my situation in the meantime if anyone can help?

I recently started a new and higher level marketing position at work, and although it hasnt been that long (less than 2 months), i’m feeling incredibly overwhelmed, anxious and ready to quit because i really don’t feel like i’m the right person for the position.

I recently graduated with my marketing degree and have had some marketing experience in the past, but now that I’m part of a much larger marketing team, i feel so inexperienced compared to everyone else and i feel like the most hopeless person there. I don’t feel like i belong because i’m such an introvert (yes very unusual for a marketer) and everyone around me is so extrovert, so trying to fit in is proving difficult and i find myself avoiding social situations because i’m socially awkward and really not confident. When anyone asks me a question (even the simplest question) i panic because 9 times out of 10 i dont know the answer and feel completely stupid when it’s often something i’m expected to (and probably should) know. Often my boss talks over me and answers questions on my behalf which doesn’t really help my confidence levels either.

I am so insecure about being unable to successfully and confidently perform my new responsibilites in the role (including client relationship management, face to face marketing, chairing and contributing to meetings, etc) that i dread going to work each day and my social and work anxieties are starting to take over my life.

I’m having trouble sleeping, my appetite is gone, i’m emotional at the drop of a hat and i constantly have that heavy panicked butterly feeling in the pit of my stomach. I’ve lost interest in all of the things i usually love doing... drinking coffee, alcohol, socialising, etc and when i finally get a break from work and the weekend is here, i don’t even feel like leaving the house. It’s starting to cause a rift between my husband and i and i’m scared that my ups and downs are going to become too much for him and he’ll leave me.

I earn an average salary (although its the best salary i’ve ever had and good benefits as well) yet i feel completely trapped because i want to quit, yet i can’t because we really need the money. Plus trying to secure another job is daunting in itself.

Does anyone have any tips for how i can feel better sooner without medication?

Hope_for_the_best · ‎12-02-2018

Welcome to the forum, Eternally Anxious! It must be very hard for you at the moment. Since you are seeing a psychologist, I presume that you have seen a GP and probably got prescribed medication. While I understand that you may not wish to take medication, medication may be of help to take the edge off to improve your functioning. Please talk to your GP for any concerns. In the meantime, you could try some mindfulness meditation and deep breathing exercises. These resources are readily available on the web and apps. Get well soon.

Eternally_Anxious · ‎12-02-2018

I havent seen a psychologist yet, it will be my first ever appointment in 2 weeks, but i’ve tried medication in the past which helped a little, although i tried going back on my meds last week and the side effects (mainly the insomnia) was too much to bear. I was a zombie the next day at work which didnt help at all so i don’t think its for me. I just hate feeling like this, and i know there’s no quick fix, but i’m just so lost. Sick of crying and being miserable all the time 😞 my psych appt cant come quick enough.

Bambi2018 · ‎15-02-2018

Hi Eternally Anxious,

I can relate to how you feel and what you are going through. Please don't feel like you are alone in this. I have recently been diagnosed by a pyschologist that I have social anxiety disorder. I was promoted to manager last year which requires me to manage people, have face to face meetings with clients, give technical advice to clients. I was so insecure and very anxious in this role. When work colleagues ask me a question, I panic and stumble my way through giving the answer. At networking functions, I struggle to tell people what I do because I am not confident in my abilities. As an introvert, I find it difficult to connect with people especially the extroverts and feel awkward in social situations because I don't know what to say and my mind goes blank.

I would recommend seeing a Psychologist that specialises in Anxieties (that's very important), try mindfulness mediation or attend some mindfulness courses (I found these courses quite useful). Try and avoid drinking coffee during work hours as caffeine will increase your anxiety level.

All the best with your recovery.

Janey123 · ‎19-02-2018

Hi there,

Sorry to hear about the rough time you are having with work anxiety, and that it is coming home with you too.

My first piece of advice is to cut yourself some slack, you've only been in the position a few weeks, you cannot realistically expect yourself to know the answers to their questions yet. You are brand new at doing this role! You only just graduated!

I'm an introvert too, and I have such unrealistically high expectations when it comes to job performance that I often feel like I am completely useless and a big old fraud, but in reality this is far from the case!

Know this.. the marketing world needs introverts too! I would recommend you read (or get the audio book) of Susan Cain's book "Quiet". It helped me understand my introverted ways so much better, and I learned that there are sooo many positives to being an introvert! It will help you survive in an environment surrounded by extroverts.

Also, one thing my psychologist did that helped me, was he forbid me to say the word 'should' to myself. "There is no should" he says, "you either do or don't know the answer and that is it." Never tell yourself you 'should have known'. Learn from it, and next time you will know the answer. I have found this has helped me quickly get over not knowing all the answers, all the time.

It sounds to me as though you are an intelligent, competent, high achiever. Marketing is a competitive field from what I understand, so if you are a recent grad, with marketing experience and a new higher role too, the organisation you work for obviously can see that you have something to offer. Be kind and patient with yourself.

If your boss answers for you and speaks over you,try not to take it personally (I have extrovert friends who do the same). Read "Quiet", it explains A LOT!

Last piece of advice. One of my favourite quotes is "Comparison is the thief of Joy". If you want to be happy, you must stop comparing yourself to other more experienced colleagues (or anyone for that matter). Another recommended book (spot the fellow introvert who spends her time reading books instead of socialising haha) is "You Are Enough" by Cassie Medoza Jones.

Hope this helps!

Janey 🙂

smallwolf · ‎20-02-2018

I am reading "the happiness trap" at the moment. One of things mentioned in that book is that you have a negative thought in your mind, is to simply say "thank you" to your mind and the continue what you are doing. Other suggestions in this book are mentioned in previous posts, such as deep breathing, and meditation exercises.

Janey123 is also correct about cutting yourself some slack. I am also an introvert, with very high expectation of myself. So I also know that "cutting yourself some slack" is an extremely difficult thing to do, and will take practice. And I still NEED practice. So if you find yourself in a situation where you feel that you have lost control, can you take yourself for a walk? get away from the situation and/or do some deep breathing? Do something that puts you into present moment?