'It's not me, it's all you'

[Itsallme]

Hey, sad lady here,

I'm a 30 y.o woman and a mother. I am not suppose to feel like this. The thoughts in my head are not suppose to go on and on. I'm suppose to feel loved and cared for. Why am i being told its all me? Why am i not happy? Why do i feel like this? Why is this happening to me? I thought it was me being an over thinker but now I've looked on the page more and taken the test and it has come up as high (which i'll do again tomorrow). I had a chat with my partner/fiancee tonight 'heart to heart' as i was feeling somewhat unloved and was told its all me.
Im the one who needs to work on myself, I'm the one who is unhappy. Why am i having this thrown in my face. told to do things that will make me happy?

What makes me happy? chocolate makes me happy! what else makes me happy?

I do admit, there was a day or 2 that I could have got on a plane and left without a trace. Left my daughters, partner and dogs behind. My full time job that i am not sure i like all that much, or do i? Is it this craziness that is making me sad and depressed? or is it anxiety?

Or a long walk off a short pier? Argh. I really sound crazy. But i wouldn't say that it hasn't come across my mind before.
Im tired, stressed and just want happily ever after. How can i fix me?

I want to be happy. I want to enjoy life. I want to smile a proper smile and feel wanted.
X

[geoff]

dear Sad Lady, if you're taken the K-10 test and it has come up being high, then it indicates that you are suffering from depression, so then you won't be able to make yourself happy, because this illness has control over everything you think about or everything that you once loved to do.
Can I ask how old your daughters are, I only say this because if they are young then you could have PND, but you will need to get a diagnosis from your doctor, as I'm not qualified to say.
I do believe that anxiety and depression go hand in hand, so if you have one of them the other is always there, other people may disagree with me, and they have ever right to have their own opinion.
Both of these will also cause you to be tired and stressed out, but you really do need to go and see your doctor to start off with, take your test results with you, so they can get the ball rolling.
You know that to be happy you need not be free from this insidious illness, but as long asit stays around you will keep asking yourself questions which there are no answers to.
I hope that you can get back to us. Geoff. x

[pipsy]

Hi It's.all.me/sad lady. I can relate to some of your feelings of 'why me?' Your depression is causing some of the anxiety you're feeling. Is your fiancée/partner actually listening to what you're saying? It sounds as though he's hearing something else. He's not hearing the desperation/depression, he's only hearing moans of 'why me?' Men are not usually able to relate well to 'women's problems' as they call them. I can remember my mum going through menopause, she had severe depression, hot flushes, the works. Dad was hopeless, he had no idea how to help her. He decided to see about getting her into a rest home, it didn't happen, thank God. He just told everyone she was 'sick'. Through a caring supportive Dr, she got the help she needed and she survived the illness. If you can see a Dr, tell him how you feel, ask for some therapy/guidance to get you through this lonely hell you are currently experiencing. If your fiancée is willing to see the Dr with you, that would be a good way of helping him, help you. He needs to understand the full extent of this illness and how overpowering and consuming it is.

Lynda

[Itsallme]

My youngest daughter is 6. 🙂

thank you for the reply

[sagebrush]

You are not suppose to feel like this.
The thoughts in your head are not suppose to go on and on.
They are going on and on because they are Unresolved.
You need to resolve these thoughts, then they will go away.
You're suppose to be loved and cared for.
If you are not feeling loved and cared for, then your partner needs to make more effort.
You are being told its all you because perhaps your partner doesn't want to make more effort.
You are not happy because you have not found what makes you happy, and the things that you feel should make you happy are not making you happy.
You feel like this because something needs to change in your life in order to make you happy.
This is happening to you because of the circumstances in your life.
Depression/anxiety/panic/ is all a symptom of your circumstances.
You told your partner your felt unloved, so he gave you an unloving response.
If it is all you, then he needs to man up and help you sort it out.
Everyone needs to work on themselves, its a part of being human. We never stop living and learning.
You're unhappy, yes, that doesn't mean that it is your fault!
You are having this thrown in your face because that person cant/is unwilling to help you out.
Doing things that make you happy will help in the short term. But in the long term you need to find what is making you Unhappy.
Chocolate makes you happy because it sends pleasure and happy hormones to the brain. Its a chemical thing.
Many other things can do this to, like financial security. A loving partner. Loving children. Music. Exercise. Etc.
Find what other things can send pleasure and happy hormones to the brain.
What else makes you happy? No one knows but you.
Running away sounds like a great idea, but it doesnt actually fix anything. Just puts it aside for a while.
If you're job is unsatisfying then think about what you want to do.
You're true life's purpose doing what you love to do, something that you could say, this is what I am good at, and could teach others to do.
Anxiety and the craziness are making you feel sad and depressed. These are all symptoms that change is necessary.
Long walk off a short pier doesn't get rid of the pain, it only gives it to everyone else in your life.
You don't sound crazy at all. Just someone looking for direction in the dark without a flashlight.

[sagebrush]

Who's not crazy in this day in age? What is crazy? A chemical imbalance of the brain. Pfft, everyone has that.
Thats why they have healthy eating, exercise, love and medication for.
You're tired, another symptom that something needs to change.
You're stressed, a symptom that something needs to change.
Happily ever after was only EVER achieved through trials and tribulations. Look at ANY story/movie/novel/etc.
How can you fix you? You're not broken, just lost.
You can be happy, find a way.
You want to enjoy life, find a way.
You want a smile a proper smile, and feel wanted. Find a way.

[Quiettall]

Hi Sagebrush

I strongly support everything said above. Another thought though....what would give you happiness in terms of spending time with your 6 year old daughter doing something different you both love? It might be cooking, or a sport, or dancing, or bike riding or some other creative activity you could share in? Often such simple activities give more pleasure than pills and potions.