Is this anxiety. I feel sick to my stomach

[Rotang]

Hi, so i’m new but i’m really seeking advice and some support…

i compete in high levels of horse riding. this weekend i recently was in my competition and did something that embarrassed myself and everyone around me to the point that i couldn’t even look at anyone because everyone saw it happen. it was my own fault, and it shouldn’t have happened but it did and i let myself down and the people i ride for down.

i don’t know what to do with myself. the people i was around were telling me mistakes happen and that’s the only we i can learn and that i need to learn how to overcome my nerves in the competition and in general. since the incident happened, i have felt sick to my stomach. my throat feels so tight and my heart is pounding all the time. i don’t want to eat and i barely want to speak about what’s going on. i feel like i’m in a hole and i’ve tried so much to make myself stop feeling like this but nothing seems to be helping. i’ve missed school today because i simply cannot pull myself together enough.

please help me abs give me advice. i’m really in a puddle.

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Rotang,

Thank you for the further clarification. I'm sorry to hear you had such a tough up bringing. It certainly sounds really stressful on you, and one can only do so much... While I believe your family have their own reasons for giving you such a harsh up bringing, it is as you said, it can be very harming to your own mental health and mentality towards things. It is something that they may not realize, and felt that the way they are bringing you up is the right way to their eyes. What was meant to be unconditional love from a family, seems to have become conditional in a sense that, you are only given love if you meet their expectations...

I'm glad that you mentioned 'mentality towards things'. Being in a strict upbringing where failure is not an option, you're conditioned to becoming a perfectionist. A perfectionists places a lot of stress and pressure on themselves in order to succeed, and this is all to prove their worthiness in order to gain the love and acceptance from others. Failure is the greatest teacher one can have in their lives, we learn from our mistakes so that we can grow and become a better version of our past selves. But a perfectionist leaves no room for failure, so it becomes difficult for them to grow and accept things that doesn't turn out the way they expected it to be. The perfectionist is very rigid and still, making them very difficult to accept and adapt to changes. In life, we won't always have good times. There will also be bad times that balances with the good. If good times are all we expect, then we won't be able to process and accept the bad times. But if the bad times are all we see, then we're not learning to appreciate the good times that comes and goes.

From the sounds of things Rotang, you're doing an amazing job keeping up even though you've been under tremendous amount of stress. I hope you can find forgiveness and compassion towards the way your family is putting stress on you, and learn that self-acceptance is the most important; Learning to accept our own weaknesses and our strengths, and that we are all imperfect human beings in this world. It's okay to fail because failing will help teach you to pick yourself up so that you can do better for yourself next time. When faced with failure, I tend to laugh at myself and accept my mistake, then ask "Ok, what can I do better this time?".

Hope that helps you Rotang, and happy to listen to you more too

Jt

[The_Bro]

Gidday again Rotang and thanks for replying!

Competition anxiety is very real and can be a hinderance or helpful.

To many, it fires them up and gets them into a 'I am so ready' competitive state of mind. Try blocking out what others think, reflect back on your other sporting achievements and the very high achiever that you are.

I bet you look absolutely great when on your horse and would be the envy of many.

Perhaps a confidential one on one chat with your coach will help. It sounds like you are prepared to 'Own' your share of the issue which is a great. He should appreciate that you need help and reflect that back to you with empathy and encouragement. I also think that simply getting back on the horse and enjoying the basic sensation of riding will help.

I look forward to hearing how your coach is helping, and wish you all the very best to get on top of your anxiety.

Things like this don't change your character, they bring out the very best and you have strength in bucket loads due to the sport you enjoy!

Regards, The Bro

[sharkboy]

Hi Rotang,

I wanted to reply to you as someone else in the Equestrian community that also struggles with a lot of anxiety and mental health. I too have been riding for almost 10 years.

The community itself can sometimes be very stressful, it is highly competitive and things like mental health can still be quite taboo. I also get anxiety on performance when I ride and whilst my experience hasn't been competitive, I hear you, I totally understand how this can feel.

I don't know if this would help but sometimes its worth taking a break from competitions. If you think it would benefit you, you are allowed to schedule less competitions, or only participate in smaller more local competition if you feel it may take the edge off. Might help to just watch competition rather than compete too - I see this all the time! It does not make you a failure. Other ways that could help ease anxieties could be by trail riding, or bonding with your horse through liberty or ground work. If you have other equestrian friends, going for a hack with them might ease some nerves. The more I balanced riding on their backs with extra down time, I found it got rid of some nervous energy.

Also with the eating and drinking, if you are finding it hard because of anxiety and also schedule/time - have you tried eating/drinking with your horse? Sounds silly, I know - but I actually would eat an apple with my horse sometimes or when I gave her licorice I'd have some myself. As she was one of my closest friends it just made sense to share in that with her and it might offer some routine for yourself (and feels so nice!). I believe the moments with our horses spent away from riding ultimately makes us more relaxed when we do ride them.

I also want to say well done for always coming back to care for the horses you ride and share in the magic of this sport. Getting on a horses back is a massive achievement in itself. Proud of you for reaching out and I hope you find some comfort. Know that equestrians in the community have your back 🙂

Well wishes, Sharkboy