Is it social anxiety?

[Sophiee__]

I am seeking help on what to currently do about my situation. I don't know a lot about mental health and don't know if what I'm experiencing is just regular 'everyone has bad day' symptoms or whether it's something I need to go and talk to someone about.

like everyone I've had times in my life where my mental health has been low but I'm an adult now and don't know if my behaviours are toxic. For example the other day I broke something of my fathers and even though he wasn't that upset by it I felt very torn up inside and spent a few hours after the event very upset and still haven't forgiven myself for it.

another behaviour I am concerned about is my ability (or lack of) to socialise with people. I currently live in a dorm with 30 other people at university and it's brought out my introverted side a lot. Naturally I am introverted but I find myself unable to go out into the kitchen to grab things like a glass of water if I can hear people talking and I have a habit of compulsively looking out my window to check if the light in the bathroom is on (to signify someone in there) before entering myself. Socialising is a big part of dorm life and I cannot make myself do it choosing to hide out at the library for many hours late at night while my dorm hosts events in the common rooms just so I avoid running into them if I have to pee.

I dont know whether I need to just get myself out of my dorm situation or whether I need to go and talk to someone as I don't want this problem to affect other areas of my life in the future.

[Mia001]

Hi Sophiee,

Firstly, a big welcome to the forums! It's great to see you here and I really hope we can help.

"...don't know if what I'm experiencing is just regular 'everyone has bad day' symptoms or whether it's something I need to go and talk to someone about."
I'm not an expert so I can't say if it's social anxiety or not, but from reading your post, I'm sure that it's not just a " bad day". I can't imagine how difficult this must make your life, when you're always avoiding people. It must cause a lot of stress too. This seems to be an ongoing problem that's affecting your life quite significantly.

I was surprised and relieved at the counsellor's reaction when I first went to counselling because of stress. I was expecting to be told that I was wasting her time and it wasn't important enough. Instead, she was very gentle and understanding of the whole situation.

So please don't worry if you decide to go to counselling. No problem is too small to be worth talking about and a good counsellor recognises this. If you do decide to try counselling, maybe see if your university has a counsellor? This is often free as well.

Leaving the dorm environment is an option. You probably have already thought about this, but there would be a lot to consider... Where would you live, living expenses, distance from uni, transport etc,. Is there someone (friend/family/counsellor) you could talk about this?

I would love to hear back from you if you are able. If not, that's fine too. 😊 I'm always here to listen.

Hope this helps,

Mia

[brdy08]

Hi Sophiee__

This is my first post in these forums, I have often read them and learnt from them, but have never joined in. But when I saw your post, I immediately thought - 'that was me'; and I thought it might be comforting for you to know that you are not alone.

I used to live on campus for uni as well and the things you are describing are the exact same things I used to do. I used to listen for the shower to finish so I could time my run into the bathroom. I used to drive and buy takeaway food, shove it in my handbag and run inside to my room - just to avoid cooking dinner in the communal kitchen. I would leave campus after uni on a Friday and drive straight home to stay with my family on the weekend - then not leave until early Monday morning to get back to uni. I was constantly wondering what people thought of me - and then what they thought of my behaviour and the cycle would continue - it became too hard to face people.

After 1.5 years I made the decision to leave the dorm situation and took a year off university to be home with my family and work. That really helped, but a lot of the underlying issues were still there. And it wasn't until I spoke to my GP and was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety that everything finally made sense. I only wish that I had done it sooner.

By recognising that something is not right in yourself - I think you've made an incredible first step. Perhaps talking to someone, whether it's a professional or a family member or friend will help you to understand what's going on a little better. And then you might be better placed to make decisions around your living arrangements.

Hope this helps and I would love to hear how you're going

[Mia001]

Hi brdy08,

Just wanted to say hello and welcome to the forums!

I'm really glad that you've posted here 🙂

Mia

[demonblaster]

Hi and welcome to you both Sophie and Birdy (if that's ok 🙂 Hi Mia too 🙂

I feel for yaz, that'd be an awful situation, I'm an extrovert but have on very rare occasion felt a bit that way.

I think if something pulls us down it is a good idea to reach out and well done both of you talking openly about this, we all need to know what others have to go through in life. Majority of counsellors and Psychologists are good like Birdy experienced too and if not there's plenty of others out there, so the process is usually going to GP first and good idea from above seeing if there's a counsellor at uni. Free's always good.

I wonder if you'd feel comfy maybe just picking one at a time to get to know that's if you would be ok going outta your comfort zone, but it seems to be making you so unhappy.

Glad Birdy here understands through going through that too, I have an understanding to a point and we have a nephew who's very introverted, he put something up on fb once that was good reading and gave more understanding.

Hope you feel ok to come back and talk as much as you like if you want.

[Sophiee__]

brdy08 i just want to thank you so much for posting your reply of your experiences i could not have imagine the sense of relief i felt reading that someone else feels (or had felt) the same way. I was taken aback reading about the takeaway thing because i do exactly the same thing.

Mia001 and demonblaster thank you both for your responses. Im slightly adhesive to talk to a counsellor as ive experienced 'low' mental points in my life before which have progressed badly (at one point i was having regular panic attacks) but they always seemed to sort of sort itself out so i never really viewed them as that serious but this one has been going on for longer then the others and it felt like time to do something about it. I think your suggestions are right though and surely if its worked for so many people it will work for me?

[demonblaster]

Good attitude Sophie. You're welcome.

Thx coming back and replying

[Mia001]

Hi Sophiee,

Great to hear from you again!

Yeah, counselling seems to work for most people. It might take quite a few tries to find a counsellor you click with, but once you do I think it's worth putting in the hard work.

I'd better go, I've got to start work!

See you later,

Mia

[brdy08]

Hi Sophiee__,

I am so glad that my post helped you feel a little less alone. I remember feeling so alone at the time, like I was completely strange and different from everyone else at uni? I thought something was wrong with me because engaging with people was not easy for me. So I'm so glad that I've helped you feel a bit of relief.

For me, it really helped to talk to someone and have my feelings validated. These days I still have some anxiety and for example might find myself not wanting to go into the tearoom at work - but now I have some strategies and skills to draw on that get my through the situation.

I am glad you are considering getting some help - it won't necessarily be a perfect fix but might be worth a try. Feel free to post any time, I'd love to check in with how you're going.

And thank you demonblaster and mia for making me feel welcome in the forums 🙂

[demonblaster]

thx Birdy you're welcome, it would be a great comfort to Sophie having someone feeling the same and for you too no doubt, always a good thing knowing we're not that different as we feel and others too have hard issues to work through. Great you're working through it. It'd be hard.

Is it a strong self conscious feeling and of being judged? I think quietly majority of people have that even in the back of their minds.

I reckon we'd all get on if we don't judge, tell people what to do or criticise but hey that's a big ask aye lol
& the of course there's those that need the lot 😄

Agree talking to chosen people who have some understanding and care can make the world of difference and lighten the load. We all wanna be understood, is why I think it's so important for us to be talking openly about MH issues, I think everyone's got something.

Ok hope your days are good, if not at least bearable.

Laters