Involuntary thoughts of negativity

[in_search]

I have a mind which pokes me unnecessarily with negative rubbish. I know a negative thought will come - and I say myself DON'T think about it - but, I give in and the thought pokes me and "pulls me down". And I feel abused by my own mind.

Example, if I am eating peacefully, I will remember a friend who humiliated me for eating too much. If I am talking to a girl, I remember a friend who bullied me because he was jealous. If I am confidently doing something, I remember someone who unnecessarily mocked me and I feel negative and depressed and lose at what I do.

If I look at a girl who is attractively dressed, totally unnecessarily mind says - 'u have a daughter, one day even she will wear something like this', and equally unnecessarily a forceful thought comes up and brings my daughter in such an outfit and I am begging for the thought 'not to come'. The more I beg, surely, it comes.

If my dad is unwell, suddenly, my mind says, 'let him die, there will be no responsibility, u will be free'. And I know it is not true as I love my dad beyond what words can express.

I have a positive mind of reality and a negative counterpart always picking on the positive mind and mocking it and making it fail and lose always.

It makes me such a loser in my mind.

1 - What am I suffering from.
2 - What should I do ?

I also have another issue listed here in this thread - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/constant-unrest-and-loud-reactions---what-is-happening-to-me-#qr7PAnHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A (may or may not be related, not sure).

[baet123]

Hey insearch,

Thanks for posting and sharing your story with us.

Sorry to hear that you are experiencing negative thoughts as of late but this is completely normal so try and not be too hard on yourself. Biologically, our brains are wired to think negatively.

As to what you are suffering from that is hard to say. You could have a number of conditions and as to what you should do, your best bet will be to visit your GP and discuss the above mentioned with him/her and discuss the treatment options available.

It is a real possibility you suffer from depression. Beyond Blue have a useful link regarding depression, common symptoms and the like if you would like to check it out (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/depression/signs-and-symptoms).

You may also have a chemical imbalance (serotonin, epinephrine and dopamine) in your brain and often the only way to treat the imbalance is through the use of medication. Medications include:

• Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). SSRIs work by blocking the reabsorption of serotonin.
• Serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs). SNRIs work by blocking the reabsorption of both serotonin and norepinephrine, leading to increased levels of these two chemicals in the brain.
• Norepinephrine-dopamine reuptake inhibitors (NDRIs). NDRIs prevent your brain from reabsorbing the neurotransmitters norepinephrine and dopamine.

Please see your GP and discuss the treatment options available. It is important to keep your health professionals in the loop. Discuss the possibility of medication in combination with therapy. Also, ensuring you eat well, get enough sleep and exercise is so important too! Cliche but true!

Hope this helps and things will get better.

Have a great week and look forward to hearing back from you.

All the best,

Nick.

[in_search]

Hi baet123,

Thanks a lot for your response and suggestion about my situation.

It's possible that I might be suffering from depression, however, I don't find any strong symptoms associated with my situation - I like being outdoors, meeting people, having a chat and laugh. I do drink frequently, about a drink a day and I understand that this could be a symptom of depression.

However, I am more inclined towards thinking it could be a obsessive behavior of mine and when I see a situation around me that could in anyways go wrong / bad / upsetting, I "succumb" to it - probably because I feel that the thought it "out there" and I "really need" to receive it and am unable to brush it off confidently and move on. In a way, the negative thought dominates my logical brain which knows the thought is pretty useless and not true.

Nevertheless, this pulls me down and and then under go episodes of frustration and anger.

Last night, I was thinking about the way to handle this could be 'meditation' and 'focusing on present' unconditionally. If I don't let my mind go wandering, it might not find ways to think negative - however, it will not stop the crazy thoughts from coming out of the blue and bothering me - not sure how to handle this.

Will keep you posted - thanks so much for your kindness and concern.

Cheer.

[baet123]

Hey insearch,

Thanks for your swift reply.

You could be drinking as a way to cope with an underlying issue. This is extremely common.

You mention you like being outdoors, meeting people, having a chat and having a laugh. This is extremely positive and is great, however, it is absolutely possible to have depression and still be "highly functional". This type of depression can be difficult to detect in oneself, but especially in others. To the outside world, a person who suffers from HFD seems fine but internally that person is struggling. This is something you should discuss with your health professional ASAP.

Meditation and focusing on the present are great ways to keep your mind focused and thinking about the here and now and not what "could be" or "might happen". This however is far easier said than done and often requires assistance from a psychologist or a therapist. Would you consider seeing your GP and asking for a referral to a psychologist? I think you could benefit from this 🙂

Look forward to hearing back from you and have a great week.

Nick.

[in_search]

Hi Nick,

Thanks very much for your reply and apologies for getting back late to you on this.

Thanks a ton for your suggestions and concern.

Unfortunately, my experience and therefore the opinion regarding the psychologists around are not very good. I don't want to invest anymore time with these psychologists who offer lip service. It's hard to find a really dedicated psychologist and I couldn't find any.

So, I will work this out my own way somehow.

Thanks mate.

[baet123]

Hey In search,

No need to apologise. Don't ever feel the need to post or like you owe us a reply mate!

It is great to hear back from you. Your most welcome mate and I hope you are doing well and that you are progressing along!

Your experience with psychologists and health professionals is extremely common. I know how you feel as I personally had these issues/concerns during my bouts with depression and anxiety. However, I eventually found a psychiatrist and psychologist who understood me and who I built an amazing relationship with. I strongly believe that the key to someone's success and recovery is the therapeutic process. The client/professional relationship is key to someone's success so in future should you ever consider seeing a professional again, please look for one that you connect with and don't be afraid to "shop around".

You are showing amazing amounts of strength, courage and bravery attempting to work it out on your own and that is extremely inspirational. However, please do be careful as this is something many of us struggle to work out and overcome on our own.

I look forward to hearing back from you and wish you all the best on your journey.

Nick.