Intrusive thoughts, what do I do?

[sar3658]

Hello

I am a 17 year old girl and have been suffering extreme anxiety for the past few months that has come out of nowhere. Always been anxious person growing up but it seems my mind has just taken over.

I started to believe I was going insane with depersonalisation and my thoughts constantly told me that I was insane and the world was not real. I started to research on intrusive thoughts and OCD and found that it is common for people to have sexual thoughts about family members. I read this and was so shocked this was happening to some people but over the course of a couple of days I couldnt help but think if I start thinking about that stuff. So of course my mind started thinking those things to the closest person in my life, my mum. This is the hardest thing to write because I've never experienced anxiety so bad. This happened about 4 weeks ago and was put on medication by my GP although haven't told anyone about my intrusive thoughts. While my anxiety died down a lot for about 2 weeks I started getting very anxious again about week 3 of the tablets and of course the intrusive thoughts have come back bad. I can't even sleep at night and I feel like I can't come back from this and I'm so scared to seek help from a psychologist because I am 17 and what if they think I have a very bad home life and need to speak with my mum or anyone else about what I'm going through.

Family is the most important thing in my life and I'm so close with everyone, have had such a good upbringing and love them so much especially my mum she is my best friend and it gives me such severe anxiety as to why I am thinking these things. Even when these thoughts cross my mind and my anxiety doesn't get too bad I start to question whether I'm getting used to this way of thinking and if I'll start to like the thoughts which gives me even more anxiety. Honestly I don't know what to do 😞

[Summer Rose]

Hi Sar

I'm so glad that communicating on this forum is helping you. What you are experiencing is very familiar to me and I am so glad that my experience and learning gained from helping my daughter is valuable to you. This is the silver lining on what was once a dark cloud in my life 🙂

I cannot stress enough that you and your illness are separate, very different entities. You will never be defined by your thoughts. And I can assure you with 100 per cent confidence that you are neither disgusting or disturbed. You are unwell.

People do fall ill but they also get better.

You mentioned that you have "good people" in your life. I'm glad. I'm wondering if you have let any of them into your world. No pressure to answer but the more support you have the easier this difficult time in your life will be.

Alwsys kind thoughts to you

[Marg2]

Hey Sar,

I created an account just to reply to you 🙂 The following book is fantastic and may help you:

Overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts by Sally Winston and Martin Seif.

In my opinion, it takes a while to unlearn that just because you think something, it is not a truth or reality.

Take it easy x

[sar3658]

Hello

I am currently overseas and have been having extreme depersonalisation/derealization and am so scared. When people around me are talking I suddenly slip into this “mode” where their voices are distant, and I am in one big dream where nothing is real and everything is just completely fuzzy. When this happens I get so scared even though I know it can’t cause me any danger. What should I do? I don’t even know how to explain this to people. I’m beginning to think I am psychotic and not normal. I just don’t know what to do I’m so scared.

Sorry this is a bit different to what my thread is about but I am so scared and need help ASAP.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Sar

I know you're scared but I want you to try and calm yourself with some deep breathing or mindfulness. You have come a long way in a short time, so I really believe you will get through this.

Overseas travel can be quite challenging for anyone with a mental health condition. It's "supposed to be" fun but I know it's also stressful and tiring.

I am not a doctor and am reluctant to make any guesses about what is happening. Maybe someone like Goeff or Ms Purple will come along with a more personal insight (fingers crossed).

My best advice would be to try and see a doctor where you are (if that's possible) or email or call your treating doctors back in Australia for advice.

Also, listen to your soul. If distraction and being busy helps, throw yourself into activity. If you need quiet time, take it. But let your mum or dad or a trusted person know what's happening so they can keep an eye on you.

If you feel you have to come home, please raise the alarm. I once drove 8 hours in a day to collect my daughter from a school camp and bring her home because she wasn't coping. It's okay. Your health is more important than the holiday and people will understand.

If you feel up to it, please let us know how you are going. Kindest thoughts to you x

[sar3658]

Hello

its been about two years since my last post and I was going great - finished school got into university and my intrusive thoughts became something that didn’t bother me anymore. I stopped medicating about 6 months ago.

i don’t know what’s happened to me this week. Maybe it’s being stuck inside my brain is starting to control me again and once again I’ve fallen victim to my same intrusive thoughts. It’s really bad and I don’t know what to do it’s like I can’t see myself recovering from this. My whole life has fallen apart. I feel ashamed, guilty, disgusted, most of all so scared. Why am I thinking this and how on earth did I recover last time? This is controlling me so bad and I’m so so scared.

[Croix]

Dear Sar3658~

Welcome back, this is still the same friendly place it was before. I'm really sorry to hear you have had a relapse (remember summer Rose talking about them?), however I'm impressed you finished school and started uni, that takes a lot of determination - call it strenght if you like.

It must seem very discouraging and there is a strong temptation to believe you have 'slipped back' to square one. That simply is not the case.

Look at the facts,

• You had anxiety and intrusive thoughts
• You took action, coming here, seeing a doctor, then a psychologist and took meds.
• The thoughts receded, became manageable then not a bother anymore.
• You finished school and went to uni, a measure not only of your improvement but also your inner strenght.
• So you have it inside you - with a little help - to reduce the illness - and you have not changed, in fact with all that time feeling better you have the certainty you can be whole.

A relapse simply means you go back and resume your improvement. I'm not sure that going off the meds was the best move. There is a sort of trap I (and my doctor at the time of years ago) fell into, which was because I was doing so well, and had been for a fairly long time. This led me to believe I no longer needed tablets and I stopped.

Over time the effect of the tablets wore off and I relapsed, not straight away but later when something really stressful came up.

No matter what your thoughts are telling you please go back to your GP and explain what has happened. I'd expect every GP understands how this all happens and will simply sympathize and re-start you to a better place.

There is one extra thing I'd like to say. When you last spoke to us you had not told your psych -or anyone - what those thoughts were, partly out of shame (totally undeserved) and partly because of fear of consequences (not real).

The best treatment - as I found out the hard way - is to be honest and trust your medical team. I never told anyone I was suicidal and am nearly not here as a result. I felt it was too bad to talk about, I'd be seen as a loser, a failure and be locked away in a ward.

Something did make me tell another, and the proper treatment followed - now I'm good (and no I was never locked up). Actually being honest turned out to bring an instant feeling of relief, a huge burden I'd borne by myself lifted

You will get lots better, back to the life you had, like Summer Rose's daughter

Talk here as much as you like, we will be here for you

Croix

[sar3658]

Hi croix thanks for replying!

i understand that I did overcome it that’s why I’m so frightened they’re back and pretty bad. I’m blocking myself from having contact with anyone around me, can’t eat or sleep, feel nauseous it’s awful again - it gets worse each day and it’s only been going for less than a week. The thing that’s bothering me the most is my brain saying “these aren’t intrusive thoughts this is YOU!” Or “the very fact you’re dwelling on these thoughts mean something is very wrong” it’s so scary

I will see my GP again and get back on my medication, I just feel so lost, cold, alone, not myself, not even human 😞

[Summer Rose]

Hi Sar

I'm sorry to learn about your relapse. I know it is a disturbing and frightening time and my heart goes out to you.

Croix has given you some excellent advice and information, which I support and won't repeat. But I do want to give you some extra reassurance that you will get through this.

You are walking the same path that my daughter walked a few years ago. She, too, stopped taking her medication (under the watchful eye of her psychiatrist and me) and experienced a similiar result.

Once you start taking medication it builds up in your system, so even when you stop you can feel okay for awhile. But when the "hidden reserves" are depleted it can lead to a recurrence of symptoms. Even a crash.

This is what happened to my daughter. However, she resumed her medication, quickly found relief and got back to study and normal life.

Sadly, the experience left her feeling a failure. I don't want this to happen to you. You are a survivor. A smart, determined person who has won many battles--and you will continue to do so.

Sometimes there are simply biological or chemical factors at play that are beyond your control. (Can you imagine a diabetic giving up insulin and trying to manage symptoms through diet alone?) Sometimes medication is necessary to keep people well, even alive.

I'm really pleased that you are going back to see your GP. If medication is required to help keep you well that's okay.

Kind thoughts to you

[sar3658]

Hi Summer Rose,

may I ask if your daughter recovered from her relapse?

I feel so tired and scared my mind is really overpowering. It’s like it swiped in again when I was most vulnerable. I’m so scared I’m stuck like this.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Sar

Yes, she recovered and it didn't take long. The medicine worked just the way it had in the past. And there have been no relapses since. For some people, medication is essential. And that's okay, whatever works is gold.

You stay safe and hang in there. It gets better.

Kind thoughts to you