Intrusive thoughts, what do I do?

[sar3658]

Hello

I am a 17 year old girl and have been suffering extreme anxiety for the past few months that has come out of nowhere. Always been anxious person growing up but it seems my mind has just taken over.

I started to believe I was going insane with depersonalisation and my thoughts constantly told me that I was insane and the world was not real. I started to research on intrusive thoughts and OCD and found that it is common for people to have sexual thoughts about family members. I read this and was so shocked this was happening to some people but over the course of a couple of days I couldnt help but think if I start thinking about that stuff. So of course my mind started thinking those things to the closest person in my life, my mum. This is the hardest thing to write because I've never experienced anxiety so bad. This happened about 4 weeks ago and was put on medication by my GP although haven't told anyone about my intrusive thoughts. While my anxiety died down a lot for about 2 weeks I started getting very anxious again about week 3 of the tablets and of course the intrusive thoughts have come back bad. I can't even sleep at night and I feel like I can't come back from this and I'm so scared to seek help from a psychologist because I am 17 and what if they think I have a very bad home life and need to speak with my mum or anyone else about what I'm going through.

Family is the most important thing in my life and I'm so close with everyone, have had such a good upbringing and love them so much especially my mum she is my best friend and it gives me such severe anxiety as to why I am thinking these things. Even when these thoughts cross my mind and my anxiety doesn't get too bad I start to question whether I'm getting used to this way of thinking and if I'll start to like the thoughts which gives me even more anxiety. Honestly I don't know what to do 😞

[Summer Rose]

Hello Sar

You are not insane. You are unwell and I believe you are experiencing OCD.

Please believe me when I say these thoughts are not you. And, they are just thoughts, they cannot hurt you. They will blow in like storm clouds but like clouds they will pass.

Believe it or not, OCD is quite a common illness. You are definitely not alone and there are a range of treatment options available to help you.

You can come back from this. I helped my daughter as she travelled down this road and the evidence shows it is possible.

Your first step is to see your GP. Please book a double appointment so you have plenty of time to talk it through. Your GP will put together a mental health plan, which you need to access Medicare rebates for up to 10 appointments in a year, and then refer you to someone who can treat you.

How does that sound to you?

No pressure but if you want to go down this path me and others here on the forum will help you through it.

Kind thoughts to you

[Summer Rose]

Hi Sar

Sorry, in my last post I suggested seeing your GP, what I should have said is to make another appointment with your psychologist.

OCD is persistent and it dosen't like to lose. I'm guessing that you've made progress and now it's back. OCD does this. It's called a relapse.

Ongoing treatment is really important with this illness. The main thing is to try to nip this relapse in the bud.

Think of it like asthma. People can live a full life by carefully managing this illness. But when their condition is triggered and they have an asthma attack they go back to the doctor for treatment.

What you're going through is unfortunately common. It's awful but it's okay. You can get through it.

[sar3658]

I can’t bring myself to tell anyone about my thoughts. I feel sick to my stomach. It’s not even that I think these thoughts it more the “thought of these thoughts” if that even makes any sense?

Sometimes I am going well with managing my thoughts and the next it’s like my brain has total power over me again. It seems that a week before my period is when it gets again, could there be a link? I just feel so lost, sick and like I have totally lost my mind 😞

[Gemini_74]

Hi. I’m new to the forum but just wanted to drop you a line to let you know that I do understand what you’re going through.

Previous replies to your original post are spot on and please keep reading them over and over as the advice given is totally correct.

Like you, I experience intrusive thoughts which make me question my sanity and at first I honestly thought I didn’t deserve to live anymore as the thoughts were that bizarre.

With the help of medication and talking things through with a professional, I learnt that my anxiety and depression (which was repressed ) made these thoughts ‘appear’ - quite suddenly I might add.

i am still coming to terms with this whole ‘intrusive , irrational thoughts’ thing and I’m glad I found beyond blue as it has helped me a lot.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Sar

You sound really distressed and my heart goes out to you. When you say " the thought of these thoughts makes you sick" I understand what you're saying. Remember you have no control over these thoughts. These thoughts are not you.

Congratulations on learning skills to help you manage your thoughts at times. You have achieved a lot in a short period of time. Fighting OCD is like being in a war with lots of battles to fight. You are winning battles now and that is something to be really proud of. It's going to take time to win the entire war. That's normal.

It is tiring, I know. From my experience, OCD thoughts intensify whenever a person is not 100 per cent. By this I mean tired, stressed or hormonal. It's like it can see a chink in your armour and attacks.

Looking after yourself through good sleep hygiene, diet and rest is really important and it will help you cope better.

A good psychologist is essential. I'd like to ask how you are relating to yours. No pressure to answer.

Kind thoughts to you

[sar3658]

Summerrose I can’t thankyou enough for helping me and replying. I can’t even begin to explain how much it means to me.

in all honesty I’m not 100% with my psychologist and I don’t want to tell anyone. I want to help myself but times get so hard where I just think what’s the point. I can’t evwn fathom it. I don’t know what to do why won’t they leave me?! It’s just one particular thought that makes my stomach turn and sends me into anxiety attacks where I can’t slewp eat ect. It makes me feel like such a disgusting human being that Has comepletely most herself.

I know this has only happened due to me researching on intrusive thoughts because they were never so disturbing 😞 I just don’t know what to do and I’m so sick of it. My meds aren’t even really helping me anymore

[Gemini_74]

Did this particular thought come out of the blue or did it follow an event involving that person ?

The more you think and worry about it, the more it will appear. You literally have to train your brain to replace that thought with something else - something positive, happy and good. Do this over and over for days, perhaps even weeks ...

Say to your mind :” Ah there’s that thought again , now let’s let it go. Tie it to a balloon and release it”.

Another strategy is to draw a blue dot on your hand. Every time you have this thought , look at your dot and say :” Where’s my mind?”

Always bring yourself to the present moment and don’t allow your mind to dwell on that thought.

[sar3658]

This thought came from me researching on what people would have intrusive thoughts about. In my mind I thought “I would hate to have that thought, how bizarre, etc. and of course it stuck with me. i had been having anxiety for several months and then this started due to myself reading up on it. Does this make sense??

[Summer Rose]

Hi Sar

I think it's great that you want to help yourself and that you're trying so hard. You are giving this 100 per cent effort and you should be very proud.

Never forget that you have made tremendous progress. It's true you're not exactly where you want to be yet but you are on your way to better health.

My concern is that it seems you're fighting this illness with both hands tied behind your back.

First, the medication. You've been taking them for quite awhile now, so if it's not working I'd like to suggest a review. This means you go back to the prescribing doctor and report that you don't think they're working anymore and discuss what to do next.

Second, your treating doctor. If you're not clicking with your psychologist or you don't think the treatment is working you may want to review this situation, too. You can discuss how you are feeling with your psychologist and see if your treatment plan needs adjustment. It's fair to ask when you can expect to feel better if you continue on the path you're on.

There are a lot of psychologists out there and they operate differently, and some are better than others. You can call the beyondblue support line on 1300 22 4636 and they can help you find someone new in your local area, if you want to explore other options. Before you make this change I'd suggest that you also talk to your GP because he/she may also have a view about local doctors and be able to help you.

I am concerned that you are asking, what's the point? The point, sweet girl, is you.

You matter. Your health is worth fighting for. Along with everyone else on this forum, I am standing right behind you wishing you well. Lean on us whenever you need to.

Kind thoughts to you

[sar3658]

One again summer rose thankyou so incredibly much. You have helped me throughout this whole journey and when times are tough (like now) I know I can always jump on this thread and seek help from you and others. It means so much.

You make me feel as if it is “normal” what I am experiencing although I feel insane, disgusted, humiliated and not even human. It’s hard to explain but I just can’t believe what is happening to me and why I can’t rid these horrible thoughts that are ruining my life. Family is so important to me, the most important thing in my life so this is extremely hard for me, so hard I can’t eat, sleep and even finding it hard talking to people (so unlike me) :’(.

I’ve always been such a happy person whose grown up in such a nice family orientated environment. I suffered mild anxiety but this is crazy and I don’t know what to do

Yiu are helping me so incredibly much and I will take on your advice. At the moment I just feel so lost and don’t know what to do with myself.

I feel as if I have a disgusting illness that will stick with me for the rest of my life and that I am a disgusting and very disturbed person but deep down I know I’m not. It’s what my brain keeps telling me and how I feel 😞 I have so much good people around me including family and friends but I still don’t know what to do