Introducing me and my anxiety

[Saltwater__]

I've been stalking and reading many of your posts so that I feel already I 'know' some of you. Anyway I thought it was time to step out of the shadows and say hi ... Hi !

Anxiety at this level is really new to me ... Just on about 2 weeks ( Looking back though I can see I have always had a few things that I thought were quirks that were very mild anxiety ). So the last 2 weeks ... Wow what an intro ... The physical symptoms ...OMG !!! So this all started with some stressful health issues that had me chasing my tail trying to get answers and then treatment. It's like this year has been stress on top of stress and then finally my stess volcano exploded. I saw my GP immediately and organised a mental health plan .. I'm booked into see a psychologist through that in a couple of weeks. I also joined an online program. Then as wait was so long my hubby organised I see a psychologist through his work but it can only be a very short term thing. I've been twice and go again next week. That could be my last. I also went to see a naturopath and have done so much research online to try and educate myself and attempt to understand this different new part of me.

The first week was horrible. Hard to sleep which of course made the days even worst which made the next night worst and so the viscous circle continued. I finally got some sleep after I faced a fear ( had talked nyself out of driving in case I had full blown attack ). from there I did feel a bit better each day ... I had my first moment of no anxiety ( about an hour )and this gave me hope. A few more days passed and then I 24 hours of heart palpitations and limited sleep. Throw some stresses on that and bang ... Anxiety attack !! I was hiding from my kids on the phone to hubby asking him to come home. My GP had given me benzos ( didn't even know what they were a month ago ) that I had no intention of using but I found my brave me and took half the dose. It helped. Since then it's been a bit the same ... Some moments of no symptoms, more moments with them.

[blondguy]

Hi Saltwater

A warm welcome to the forums and thankyou for posting

The anxiety feelings are horrible and I understand after having had severe anxiety for 25 years. I am sorry that you have been through a great deal of stress which can trigger these attacks.

I am very proud of how pro-active and self aware you have been with organising your Gp and health plan so quickly. Well done to you! Your husband is a great carer especially by organising the little calming meds that you took half a dose of. At this time anxiety may be around for some time and I was taught by a psychiatrist in the 80's to carry some of those calmatives with you as a crutch. In other words even if you dont take one you know they are there if you have an anxiety attack. I still carry a few with me now so I have a plan 'B'...Doing so actually reduced the severity of the anticipatory anxiety.

Also keep in mind that your GP has much better training about Anxiety than even a few years ago. So if you feel the wait to see your therapist is too long just see your GP and she/he will provide you with the re-assurance you need. I used to be the same waiting for my therapist and found my Gp was great whenever I became 'stuck' in a phase of anxiety.

It is natural to try to analyze anxiety but sometimes the power of gentle distraction may help you. Even calling someone during a time of high anxiety will provide some relief and lessen the anxiety.

In this early stage of anxiety a good sleep also has great healing powers. (if you can of course) If possible approx an hour before bed try to turn off any mobiles/ipads as they only stimulate brain impulses and thought processes thus reducing the sleep quality you need. Coffee can also stimulate the system thus making it easier for anxiety to be present.

The heart palpitations are harmless..yes they feel awful but they will reduce after regular counselling.

I do feel your pain Saltwater and remember the feelings all too well. You have a great supportive husband which is a godsend. There are many wonderful people on the forums that can be here for you who have the same symptoms. I greatly admire your healthy attitude and the big steps you have taken towards recovery.

I do hope you can post back and let us know how you are going

My Kind Thoughts to you

Paul

[Saltwater__]

Thankyou Paul for you kind thoughts and words.

my husband is trying to be supportive and I'm lucky that he has some knowledge of anxiety though not as close to home as this. Unfortunately for me work takes him away a lot and so he is often not here.

I actually returned to my GP yesterday I guess for some reassurance. I'd made the appointment weeks ago before this had all flared up as that's how long it can take. He couldn't of seemed less interested to be honest and I left with the impression he felt he had done his bit and now it was up to the psychologist.

i get the crutch with the pills. That was the reason I even filled the script as I thought it would be enough knowing they were there. Didn't know at that stage it was about to get worst.

Another night of ordinary sleep unfortunately. i just feel hypersensitive now with everything and that includes noise so I'm very easily woken and then find it sometimes impossible to return to sleep I have been doing a progressive muscle relaxation before sleep and then sometimes listening to a guided meditation. I have never drank coffee but was drinking Pepsi Max until this began. I figured I didn't need anything else getting my heart going and I was so nauseas I couldn't even face it.

Anyway time to get this day started.

😀

[blondguy]

Hi Salt

Thankyou for posting back. I can read even between your words that you are in a dark place..I am sorry...really..

Just a huge compliment for you about something you wrote..

"I actually returned to my GP yesterday I guess for some reassurance"

I am amazed at the rapid fast tracking of patients that are trying to reach out and receive no help. You were treated like a number/billing session and thats all. I am only a guy that has recovered from the bulk of my anxiety but I assure you that you are not alone here. I was made redundant in January and have my depression lurking around in the background.....

I love Pepsi Max...about a can a day...but coffee triggers my depression off so I have limit it.

Sorry...getting back on topic Salt....you have been referred to a psychologist..thats good news...Having your husband away for extended periods can be difficult...I feel for you there...as with the isolation. I have been lucky to have a great male Gp...but that took a while...My best Gp's prior were females...and if anyone on the forums call me sexist...they usually make better listeners and carers.

Here for you Saltwater**

My Kind Thoughts for You

Paul x

[blondguy]

Hi Saltwater**

My apologies for double posting but its something I read in your first post that made me smile 🙂

"I've been stalking and reading many of your posts so that I feel already I 'know' some of you"

I do hope your Wednesday is good to you Saltwater

Paul

[Saltwater__]

Thanks for getting back to me Paul.

Im actually doing ok and feeling more positive. I spent some time yesterday doing my online program and had a bit of a revelation. I also am now recognising that this has been building up and I had been avoiding various tasks which I'm now ticking off. The GP just peed me off with his lack of interest but the positive out of that was he fired me up to do something I have avoided doing for years. All these things I thought were my quirks were actually my anxiety growing. I've had a confronting, sometimes emotional last 2 days but I feel it's also empowered me somewhat. In this moment I have hope.

Sorry to hear about your redundancy and depression. You were a name I saw a lot of in my stalking stage so I commend you for being such a positive and caring force on the bb forums and to me. Thankyou. I hope you enjoyed a Pepsi Max today ... I'm jealous !

[blondguy]

Hey Salt

Thats good news you had some joy and feeling better. Thankyou for kind words of support too..they are greatly appreciated. Anxiety can be a pain that comes and goes, if you get stuck and need anyone to bounce off you are more than welcome to do so.

Its weird that Pepsi Max doesnt effect me but having a coffee really revs me up way to much.

Kind Thoughts for you Salt

Paul 🙂

[Moonstruck]

Dear Paul...I have been looking for you everywhere. Posted in Treatments and BB Cafe a couple of times hoping you would contribute your thoughts. (I won't go into the whole story here...it's about GPs unwillingness to prescribe anti-anxiety meds for daytime use)...which I believe both you and Salt (it is nice to meet you Saltwater...perhaps we can talk again one day) have been able to access...as you say for that "calmative crutch" just to have on desperate occasions.

(hope I have interpreted this correctly). I have been delving into my sleeping meds (which thankfully by GP can see I need)....but not game to ask her for daytime meds as I have been "coping" so well.....and have prior experience of GPs recoiling in horror when I ask for them...as they are "addictive"...(as can be the legal drug alcohol actually)

..they don't seem to understand that alcohol is always accessible to me.....but I've been off it for 3 years due to medical reasons........alcohol will kill me if I go back to it...whereas anti-anxiety meds occasionally won't.

I hope I have reached you at last BlondGuy...I have missed talking with you.......

[Saltwater__]

Hi Paul and anyone else following,

hope you're doing ok 🙂 just thought I'd touch base and let you know what's been happening.So since last posting I was feeling much better and even had a couple of days still with anxiety but much milder. Then it built up again. I saw the psychologist for first time this week and omg what an intense, confronting and emotional experience that was. I wasn't quite expecting the huge dive into my past. I really liked her though. I see her again in 2 weeks but then due to overbooking and leave I was unable to get another appointment for 2 months 😩 Since seeing her I feel my anxiety has been a little more intense. I guess that is too be expected though at the beginning but arrgghhhh !!!

A couple of days later I saw GP ( not my regular but in the same office ) and we talked about medicating. I was given a script for SSRI but she said the decision is mine (though she thinks would be good idea and would only be short term ).I have filled the script but I haven't started taking them. I'm not sure if I will. Not sure if I want to. I am so 50 / 50 about it. I am scared of side effects going on and coming off. I'm not convinced it's the right thing for me. If I'm having a bad moment then that's it I'm taking them ( thus happened yesterday and I actually went to take one but having to start on half dose I couldn't break them without them crumbling do had to go back to pharmacist for advice lol by end of that I'd calmed down ). If I'm feeling calmer then I think I want to try without them. Just for the record I have turned down other medications when they will mask symptoms but not cure. Mind you I have also taken similar . so confused !!! Both therapist and GP commented they think it would only be short term so 6 ish months. ( though not sure how they can predict that ).

Everything about anxiety confuses me. Has it been caused by past trauma that present injury has bought to surface ? Is it chemical imbalance ? Is it something I fight or accept ? Can it be cured or just managed ? To medicate or not ? Omg so many questions but even more answers out there. The uncertaintity of it all makes me anxious 🙂

so if you're still with me ... Thoughts, opinions ?? How did you decide whether to medicate or not ? and what do you think has helped or is helping most in your battle with anxiety ?

[blondguy]

Hey Saltwater

Thanks for posting back 🙂 Just a clarification on AD's....I fought with my GP in 1997 about not wanting to take them. She really told me off and said to me "so Paul..do you want to tell my patients with diabetes and high blood pressure that they dont need their meds either?" I took the script and it was one of the best moves I made.

The AD's dont fix everything magically...they provide you with a platform on which you can help yourself heal. They actually stopped approx 80% of the severity of my anxiety and let me get some more therapy as then I was in a better position to absorb and understand the illness.

The calmatives are great to keep in your pocket as a crutch which can lessen the severe anticipatory anxiety..always handy to have if you feel a major attack building up.

The illness is exactly the same as a physical injury....the meds nowadays (AD's) are there to enable you to function on a level you used to before the anxiety hit you hard.

I was a jerk and spent over 10 years until the anxiety became that severe it was hard to even leave the house. I wish I started on the AD's sooner. The anxiety is a chemically based illness that does get better...Yes it can be triggered by past events whether recent or several years ago. Stressful situations can trigger it too

The AD's will take out the severity of the anxiety and will help you

The bulk of the anxiety does go away with AD's and therapy...I started to get anxiety when I was 23 in 1983..It does need management. You are not on your own here

Here for you

Paul