Intentional panic attacks?

[Stillflying]

I haven't been able to find anyone who seems to share this "issue" that I have so I thought I'd ask here.

 I had some work related stress and anxiety which lead to panic attacks at work. Through seeing my GP and a temporary regime of medication and a psychologist, I was able to not only learn to deal with the panic attacks, but recognize what small ticks could trigger them and in time the panic attacks stopped.

 Now a year later I find myself at a weird point where panic attacks sort of bubble on the surface, I recognize them and intentionally "pop" them for what I could only describe as some sort of endorphins rush. I don't have to do that but I can't seem to stop myself intentionally do it. Its not distressing me but I cant help but feel it's a bad habit and going to keep the panic attacks sort of bubbling on the edge there.

Has anyone had any experience with this? 

[Paul]

Hey Stillflying, welcome!

I haven't experienced what you describe, but wondered as I read if you have tried to dive in under the bubbles and have a look under them to see what's going on. That there is some bubbling could mean there is something that might need your attention.

What do you think?

Paul

[Simona]

Thunderstorms, Fire Sirens and Ambulance sirens set me off and make me tear up in the eyes and panicky but for some peculiar reason I get off on the rush which I can best liken to that feeling referred to as someone 'walking over your grave'.    And in my case; over and over again until the sound stops.

It starts at my nape and travels down to my toes and comes in currents and as much as I don't 'make' it happen I enjoy the feeling because it makes me feel wired

[TheSteve]

Hi Stillflying,

Thanks for sharing. Well done in dealing with the panic initially, it is not easy to do but you've clearly got a handle on it. The fact that it may be surfacing again is not at all uncommon. Like anything, once we have experienced something in our lives, our sub-conscious makes an imprint, a permanent memory of sorts, of the experience. Therefore, it is not uncommon that such things can re-surface on us.

The good news is it does not mean you will suffer panic attacks again. However, should you do so, your consciousness also knows how to deal with them. Simply "knowing" this is a powerful sub-conscious inhibitor of such feelings becoming a problem for you again.

Just keep a mindful eye on these feelings as they surface. You can smile right at them knowing they can't hurt you. It is normal that they try to sneak through the backdoor (our body has a way of manifesting feelings and states of being, perhaps perceiving that it is under threat - could be the physiological reason for this) but you will always have the light of your consciousness to stop them.

All the best to you.

Steve

[Stillflying]

It almost feels like I'm doing it on purpose because of the rush of adrenaline I seem to get from a panic attack. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced forcing a panic attack because of the rush it gives