I was doing so well!

[Chicken_Wings]

I came home from work. It was a pretty good day and then I cried.

I told my partner I didn't feel safe. I meant that I didn't feel protected.
Sometimes you just want someone to hold you and not tell you whether what you are feeling is right or wrong you just need to be held and made to feel like they are there to protect you and right in that second it doesn't matter what you are thinking they are there and you can cry.

He tried, he gave me a hug but said he wasn't sure what to do.

I started feeling a bit better but then his mother rang. To tell us that she wasn't sure about some chicken we bought last night.
So he asked me if I thought it looked safe. Keeping in mind I'm already weird about food.
I said it just looked like chicken to me. We only bought it yesterday from a good butcher. I don't know.

Then I came back into the kitchen and he asked again if we should cook it. I said I don't know, now you're making me paranoid.
He said, what if we cook it and then it doesn't look right?

I snapped. I said "I don't know. I'm not even hungry, can't you just make a decision!?"
I felt like there was just all this talking talking talking and I was under pressure to be the grown up and be the one with the answer.

I basically ran out of the room.

I feel terrible. It's just chicken!
Now I don't know whether I want to cry or or to sleep or just try and distract myself.

Now I want to lay down and just curl up.

[white knight]

Hi CW,

You know, I'm terrible for seeing the obvious. It haunts me often. And also being direct.

In most or many relationships our faults come back more often as time goes by. It's a little of the "familiarity breeds contempt" thing. Early on as a couple we don't see these things that later irritate.

So I've learned now to be more direct. "Make a decision darling - its your call" then silence is golden. Chill, take a coffee outside and time out. But saying "cant you just make a decision" is counter productive IMO. We all would get along better by being nice. I thought that yesterday when I yelled at my wife and she said "it would be nice if you spoke nicely". I had to apologise because it was wrong to talk down to her. I owned my yelling. We have to own our mistakes.

But all this is easy to say. I'm no expert, I fall into these modes all the time.

Mistakes means we are human.    Tony WK

[Bluey_moon]

Hey Chicken wings, 

you are still doing ok. We all suffer setbacks, I did this morning and last night. But my point is our anxiety/ depression doesn't disappear overnight, it takes work and persistance and love and support! And we will get there. Don't beat yourself up about this setback! 

I think White night made some good points, some I'm going to employ! 

You have this! 

Skye

[PatT]

Hi CW,

Most of the time it's easier to react in situations like that, rather than slow yourself down and think about your response. In this situation it sounds like you were already stressed and the last thing you wanted to deal with was being put on the spot. Reacting to our spouse with immediate aggression is pretty common but it's much harder to acknowledge our wrongs and apologise. But if we can make a habit of it then we begin to take control of it.

Personally I've always been extremely quick to snap back at loved ones for minor things but in recent years I've really tried to pick myself up on those types of incidents and admit my wrongs. In doing so I've really reduced how much it happens. Give it a try,

Pat.