I want to curl up into a ball and hide

Stormgrl101 · ‎24-06-2015

Today started off with lots of tears. Felt very down so booked into see my doc. We changed my dosage of AD back since I seem to have been feeling side effects. He did a new mental health plan and gave me information to get more support and possibly join a mental health activity group. It would be nice to meet some people who actually understand.

Im tired of the constant struggle to get on top of this mental illness. My eyes are sore and tired.

Jacko777 · ‎24-06-2015

Great that you got straight on to your Doc and came away with a fresh plan, you are making changes, taking steps, keep going and you will come to greater peace and happiness. I hope the activity group is useful for you, let us know how it goes if you feel like it.

Love to you.

Jack

Stormgrl101 · ‎02-07-2015

I feel very sad that it doesn't seem like I am strong enough to get past this mental illness.

My psychologist is trying to get me to involve myself in conversations by starting off with saying 'Hello' and 1 other comment maybe something about the weather. What comes naturally to everyone just doesn't to me... I have no "inner voice" its gone, disappeared. Did I ever have one? I can't remember. Talking is how people "connect." Its what we are meant to do naturally, well it does come naturally to everyone else, so why is it different for me?
Going to a support group either next week or week after, have to get someone to drive me. Don't know how I am going to go, lady on phone said that I can observe for as long as I need to but all I want to do is cry.

Vegetarian Marshmallow · ‎03-07-2015

I wouldn't say it comes naturally to everyone. It's a skill, like anything else. Some people think they're fantastic at it, when really they're boring you silly by talking about the floor tiles. Some people are insecure about it, so they ask you "Am I boring you? Is this boring?" all the time. There are all kinds of variations. And then on top of the skill aspect, there can be all kind of handicaps. Like if I was an amazing typist, but my hand was sprained. So maybe you're skillfully an amazing conversationalist, but just being stifled by anxiety or disengagement with the world or something. You can figure that out about yourself better than me.

Do you wonder about things? What do you think when you see a flower? Just "It's a flower"? Or "I wonder why it's that shape. I wonder what that flower symbolises in floriography. I wonder how they decided on that meaning. I wonder when it'll die.". One way to make conversation is to be in tune with your curiosity, and speak it out loud.

Have fun at the support group!

Anusha · ‎22-07-2015

Dear Stormgrl101,

I know you posted quite a while ago, but I have only just stumbled across this thread - it sounds to me like you are stronger than you think! You are taking so many positive steps toward helping yourself 🙂 I hope the support group went well. I have been thinking about trying to find one in my area - would love to hear if you found the group format helpful.

All the best 🙂

Stormgrl101 · ‎22-07-2015

Hello

Unfortunately I haven't made it to the support group..yet. It's ironic isn't it how I am meant to be going to help my anxiety yet I am too anxious to go.. Hmmmm. I made a phone call to enquire (at least I can do that now.. few years ago I couldn't make a phonecall) and the lady said I would be able to observe for as long as necessary and I wouldnt be required to participate or talk until I felt ready.

Forever frustrated with myself, blank & foggy, anxious,misunderstood. I HATE THIS!!

Vegetarian Marshmallow · ‎24-07-2015

I suppose you already have some devices for trying to alleviate anxiety? Breathing, reflection, etc. ?

As well as trying to alleviate the anxiety itself, you can try to temper it by creating its opposite - excitement - about the anxiety-causing thing. Focus on what you'll gain from going to the support group, including the simple sense of achievement of conquering the anxiety.

Anusha · ‎24-07-2015

The phone call is the first step (and that is the most important step of all!), so it is great that you have still made that contact. Haha, it may be ironic, but it is also perfectly natural - I would feel exactly the same way. The main thing is that the intention is there, and I have no doubt you will get there in the end. In the meantime, definitely try some of the other techniques that Vegetarian Marshmallow has spoken about (or whichever ones work best for you). I find the Smiling Mind app really helpful for breathing exercises and meditation, if that is of any benefit to you.