I want to change

[OllieB]

So I haven't been here in a while, my counselling stopped as I had reached the end of the support a school could give and they gave me a document on how to go to someone else... But I didn't I ignored it stopped looking at all the sites I had joined and convinced myself if wasn't real that somehow I had made it up. Then I practically locked myself up in my house I avoid school friends at first people asked questions wondering if something was up but then that stopped too and I became good at lying to myself and worst of all to others. Now I don't know what to do I feel really alone and I don't like who I am or how I'm living my life i want to change I want friends that I can rely on I want to walk into a new place and see the amazing adventure that can be had not walk back out because my heart is racing and I'm struggling to hold back tears of overwhelming fear I don't know how I got here and I don't know how to fix it... But I want the old me back

[Birdy77]

Hello OllieB,

I am so glad you've come back and reached out again here.

Even though you stopped looking at the sites you joined, and that you initially ignored the documents on how to go and get some more support outside of the counselling at school - you can always reinstate that.

You can join those sites again, if you want to, and it helps you.

You can always grab that document and make an appointment to get some help again.

I can totally relate to that feeling if wanting "the old me" back again. I feel like I'm doing a bit of that mhself at the moment as well. Remembering the person you "were" ? ... guess what: you are *still* that person. That person is just protecting themself at the moment until you let them know it's ok to come out and play again. And it will be ok.

Is there a friend you had before who you feel you can trust to be someone you reach out to? Even so, it could be a good idea to get some support to help with the racing heart and overwhelming feelings. You could even start by calling a helpline or doing an online chat?

The old you is right there with you, holding your hand, helping you to reach out.

I am glad to meet you both.

🌻birdy

[OllieB]

Thank you for your reply it's nice to meet you too!

I don't really have a friend I trust enough to reach out to at the moment, I suppose that's why I came here. I have done a few online chats and emails and they all say to reach out and get some more help, but I don't know if I'm strong enough to do that.. I have typed in the number to my phone so many times to book an appointment but been unable to call. It's so easy for me to think this is all in my head and I'm just being silly and to ignore it.

I like the idea that the old me is still here and I like to think that maybe one day I will recognise it as me again.

[Alana_H]

Hey OllieB

Reaching out can be super hard, I definitely don't think you're alone in that so thanks for posting about it.

First off I would say that going on this forum is a really good first step. This is reaching out and people on here do want to help and offer advice, so feel free to sit on here for as long as you need to. I suppose a next step could be to call a help line, it can be good to "practice" telling your story to them, but you don't have to make any commitments and they don't have to know who you are. The beyondblue like is free and 24/7, the number is 1300 22 4636.

I'm sorry you're having this anxiety, it must be so frustrating to see the person you want to be but feel like anxiety is holding you back. What is it most about the old you that you want to be like now? It takes a lot of insight to see that things to get better and I think you're right, getting help is an important step. I'm wondering if there has been anything that has helped you with the anxiety in the past? There are loads of techniques that can help right in that moment of panic, but different things work for different people.

Feel free to keep chatting on this forum, either letting us know how you're going or if you want more help trying to reach out.

Alana_H