I think I have ADD but too embarrassed to get help

[nootnoot]

For the longest time I have always felt I was stupid and that everything is hard. I have always found school and university hard. I never had good grades and never did anything exceptional because everything was too hard. I have been in and out of university over the last 10 years due to not being able to decide what I wanted to do, it was all too hard or I wasn't smart enough. Things that seem simple to understand I find it hard and need things to be explaining to me several times in different ways for me to understand.
I remember in primary school not being able to do simple maths times tables and my father would make me spend hours trying to learn them every afternoon. To this day I am still terrible at maths and can not do maths in my head very fast.

I have been forgetful and lost 2 pairs of sunglasses. I always feel bored and need to be doing something. When it comes to my university essays, I always leave them to the last minute because I don’t have the attention span to do them. It’s like I need that big rush of anxiety to make myself do my assignments. My assignment grades are never the best.

I have had diagnosed depression and anxiety for almost 10 years. I always feel tired and have no motivation to do anything. I know these are symptoms of depression, but I have not felt depressed for a while. I usually become very depressed when I know I have an assessment due. They stress me out and I feel dumb when I write them because I can’t get what I want to say in my head onto the paper. It’s like everything is jumbled up in my head.

I can’t focus on anything for too long especially if it requires strong thought which is why most of my time I spend watching tv shows or playing video games. Writing this has been difficult because I have been getting distracted and it’s also not the most well written thread so I apologise.

Basically, I think I have ADD and have felt I have had it for a long time but I have always been too scared or embarrassed to tell my doctor out of fear they will judge or they will just think it is part of my depression and ignore it or say that it is normal to procrastinate etc.. I don’t know how to go about telling them that I would like to be assessed.

[Alana_H]

Hi,

Thanks for posting on here, I think many people still feel really worried the stigma of mental disorders and so will find this post refreshing. I think it does take real bravery to get these things assessed because there is still a lot of incorrect limitations that can be placed on people who have a diagnosis.

I can't tell you whether or not you have ADHD but I an say that there is many people that go through their life wondering why things are so hard for them to learn only to find out they do have ADHD or a different learning difficulty. Getting a diagnosis can be really validating and also give you really practical, well researched ways you can help achieve the things you want to achieve. I'm not sure where you live but I know that you can get an assessment without a GP referral for a learning difficulty such as ADHD. Universities often run clinics (such as the Krongold in Melbourne) that offer assessments at low cost or you could go to a psychologist and try this conversation with them, adult ADHD is not uncommon so they shouldn't ignore your concerns.

I know right now that it seems like these things can cause nothing but problems, but try to remember that university is really difficult for lots of people (me right now!) and it's an achievement to get into it in the first place. ADHD (or any mental disorder) can make life hard, but it can also allow us to see things in ways that others cant and make us much more resilient. Once people receive the help they need and learn to work with their diagnosis (instead of against it all the time) they've their diagnosis has given them that "something extra" that others don't have further in their career.

Let me know if your still thinking of getting as assessment! It can be really hard to open tat door so if you need to keep talking it through on this forum there will be people with experience on here.

Alana_H

[nootnoot]

Hi Alana,

Thank you for your reply. I really appreciate it. I live in Brisbane and I have found there is a place where they do assessments for ADHD which involves an intake interview, behavioural observations, completion of various questionnaires about ADHD and a clinical assessment which includes an IQ test. It definitely sounds like a lot of work!

I remember a few years back when I first brought up to another GP that I might have ADD he didn't think I had it from out brief discussion but said he would give me a referral. I was disheartened by it and thought if he didn't believe me what was the point in going to a psychiatrist and pay all that money to be told the same thing.

I am almost finished my degree now but it has been a long road. It is a career I really wanted (Nursing) so I tried my best to get to where I am today. I am very worried about starting it though because sometimes I can make mistakes or I forget things I have done heaps of times. I have never harmed a patient but I know I can be better than I am at the moment. It's like I haven't shown my full potential yet. I get disappointed when I think back all those years about things I wanted to do but didn't think I was smart enough or it was too hard.

So I will book in to have the assessment done and also go see my GP and hopefully I will remember to post back here. 🙂

[Alana_H]

Hey,

Congratulations, I think nursing is one of the most meaningful occupations there is! I wonder if you aren't being too hard on yourself? Finishing a nursing degree does take a lot of work and there is not many people that would be able to complete it, especially if you had the problems you mentioned above. I think it shows great perseverance to keep going through it and put in so much more work than others and thats going to help you in your job. Also I wonder if you have ever found that doing the reading and remembering the content of lessons hard but when you are actually on the job and get used to actually doing it, it becomes easier? It definitely does for me. I suppose it'll just be about putting really good systems in place at the start (e.g. making sure you have a good supervisor, carrying a notebook around to write things down ect.), just making it work for you.

It can be hard when doctors are dismissive, but try and remember that they don't all have the same level of understanding of mental disorders, many have minimal training in ADHD, particularly in adult populations. Even if you don't have an official diagnosis it's clear that it is a concern for you so you should definitely see what help there is out there. It looks like Griffith has a clinic similar to the Melbourne one that does cheap adult ADHD assessments, the waiting list might be long but you could call them and check it out?

Good luck with your studies and feel free to post back to let us know how you're getting on.