I need to let it out

[Kindbutterfly]

I’m 25 and I think for as long as I can remember I’ve always suffered from some form of anxiety. It peaked when I was around 13 and I always thought I was sick and I was going to die, I even remember getting my little brother to feel my heart beat to make sure it was still beating ok.

I had my first child in March 2018 and since then I have become a train wreck. I am so scared something bad will happen to my child and I hardly leave the house. I visualise bad things happening to her and then can’t get it out of my head. My confidence is gone and I’m always so irritable and my mood is always baseline.. not quite dead but not living either even though I hold so much love in my heart for my child.

I feel like I’m getting worse by the day. I constantly check to see if she’s breathing and I can’t even imagine anyone else but me or her dad taking care of her without me watching. I feel like my quality of life is gone. I don’t want to leave the safety of my home. I have no friends and I feel like I’m drowning.

I can’t relax if she isn’t in my sight even when we are both in the house. I am starting to have regular panic attacks and feelings of complete doom. Like I can’t keep her safe. I don’t know what my life is anymore

[geoff]

Hello Kidbutterfly, a lovely name, and we're so sorry for how you are feeling, but there is help for how you are thinking, and although I'm not qualified to say, it's something many people, including myself, have had to try and cope with, as I've been diagnosed with OCD.

This illness is part of anxiety and OCD can then develop where people are embarrassed about their symptoms and will put great effort into hiding them but not to themselves.

If you can type 'intrusive thoughts' into your search browser as well as typing it in the search bar above on this page, then this will explain it better than I can.

Many people have to suffer from OCD and it's so difficult to explain to someone who doesn't have it, but so pleased you have joined us and hope to hear back from.

If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask us.

Geoff.

[Kindbutterfly]

Thank you so much for your reply Geoff. I ended up in the emergency department about a week ago due to a bad panic attack and ended up opening up to a doctor there about how I have been feeling, and he has written me a letter to give to a GP. So now I just need to go and get help. Thank you again your reply was very helpful

[geoff]

Good Morning Kindbutterfly, it would be lovely to hear back from you to see how you are going, at any time or at any point where you feel as though you're standing in the same spot and cant move or progress forward.

Geoff.