I’m struggling to help my teen with panic attacks.

[Bits12]

My 16 year old daughter is usually bright, bubbly, smart, funny, has a great bunch of friends, not a care in the world. It all crashed down 2 weeks ago when she had her first panic attack. She ended up in hospital due to chest pains. Tests ruled out a physical cause. Since then she’s had daily attacks.

She has had the stuffing knocked out of her. There is no joy, no happiness, no motivation. She is embarrassed and angry about why this has happened to her. She can’t eat, she cries all the time. She is a straight A student who is watching her grades slip away because she just can’t find the energy to do anything. This is making her more anxious.

She doesn’t want people at school to see her like this. She wants to be “normal” again but can’t see a way out.

She has spoken to her school counsellor. She’s spoken to the Beyond Blue counselling line. She’s seen her GP, who has ordered blood tests to rule out any physical cause like iron level or thyroid. It will take a week for results.

I’m lost as to how to help. Every day that goes by she is getting worse. It’s like a switch has been flicked off inside her and I don’t recognise her now. She’s lost her essence, her spark, in an instant. She says her mind and body have betrayed her and it’s like she’s just given up.

Anything that will help her will take weeks or months and I don’t think we can wait that long. We’re both just so sad.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Bits12 Thank you for sharing what has been going on for you and your daughter here with us. We are so sorry to hear how hard things have been for both of you. It’s painful to watch someone you care so much about suffer like this. It is truly painful seeing someone deteriorate like this but please do know that she can get better with the right support and help. It is great that you have taken her to the doctor. When you go back to get the results it might be a good idea to discuss support options. You daughter should be able to be referred to a psychologist or counsellor that she can work with to help her through this really tough time. If you are interested, we would also recommend getting in touch with an organisation called Headspace. Headspace is an organisation specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services including group programs which are a great opportunity to meet people. They also have a group chat on their webpage. You can also discuss if your GP might be able to refer your daughter to the local Headspace centre. You might also be interested in reading about the journey of someone who at one point felt hopeless: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/losing-hope-finding-hope We hope that some of the members will offer some wisdom and support. It sounds like you care deeply for your daughter and that you are being there for her in every step of this process. Being there as a parent is extremely valuable.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Bits12,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for deciding to join us. I want to give credit to you for being here; it doesn't sound easy for your teen but believing in her panic attacks and supporting her is honestly something I really wanted in my own parents.

I can imagine how hard it is for your daughter right now but she is not alone in her panic attacks. I have no doubt there are so many students in her school who also struggle with anxiety even if you don't always get to see it. Has she found the Beyond Blue line or the school counsellor helpful?

Managing anxiety doesn't have to take weeks and months; certainly it's tricky, but there are always little steps. Headspace for example have forums like this one which is a really immediate way where she can connect with others while the school counsellor can work with her teachers to navigate some of the schoolwork and make accommodations. Likewise, we have a young people section here too on the forums where people can chat about their own anxiety.

I'd also really love to recommend ParentLine, which is from Kids Helpline but for parents- it's all confidential with counsellors at the other end, just for parents like you who are in the same boat. It can be a bit of a helpless feeling not knowing what to do, but hopefully these guys can help- the phone numbers are different in each state but I encourage you to try it out - https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you

I hope this helps,

rt

[Bits12]

Hi.

Sadly, she didn’t find either the school counsellor or the Beyond Blue counsellor particularly helpful other than getting a free pass to leave her classroom with no explanation needed at any time. That might be useful if she ever goes back to school.

She just wants to feel like her old self. She doesn’t want to do mindfulness apps, or listen to meditations, or work through an online course addressing generalised anxiety.

She didn’t even know she had anxiety until her world crashed down 2 weeks ago. She was the sunshine, the bubbly one, the high achiever. The future looked amazing and full of hope.

Now she can’t eat, struggles to get out of bed, and hasn’t attended more than a lesson or two at school for over a week.

She has no interest in forums, or speaking with other teens in the same situation. She doesn’t need to meet people or form connections. To her, a forum of teens who are feeling unwell enough to gather online and share their experiences is essentially proof that she is probably in this for the long haul. It would reinforce how much work is needed.

She wants help, she wants it now, and she just simply wants her old life back. Every day that she wakes up feeling like she can’t breathe, and can’t eat, every day that she puts her school uniform on only to start having chest pains and trembling, every day that she looks at her laptop and can’t face opening it, or just lies in bed with tears rolling down her face, just reinforces what a huge mountain she has to climb.

She keeps apologising to me for being like this. She is mourning the loss of everything she took for granted. Even if she gets well, she will always be on alert. She will always be broken no mactter how well she is put back together. This has changed her. Changed who she is. She’s grieving for herself in a way.

I am trying to stay strong for her, but I can see her retreating the longer this goes on. To her, every day that she leaves a class early, or doesn’t go to school at all, is another brick in her wall of failure.

We are both holding out hope that the blood tests will show something that can be addressed. There is a good chance that she is iron deficient - it runs in her dad’s family - and her diet isn’t great. If the results are normal though, I don’t know how we will push on.

Thank you for replying. I appreciate your support.

[Miz]

Hi Bits12's,

I'm sorry your daughter has been going through this - it sounds really awful for her and yourself. I am someone who is familiar with this sudden onset of panic symptoms, I know it can be really jarring especially when it comes out of nowhere. Often we look for a physical cause to explain the symptoms when there isn't always one.

Some things I find can help:

- Explaining what the bodily reaction involved in a panic attack actually is. Sometimes understanding that it has to do with the ancient fight or flight response can really help our mind process what is happening. Here is a good link with some basic info: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/CCI/Mental-Health-Professionals/Panic/Panic---Information-S...

- Grounding exercises can be really helpful when people feel out of control/like they're loosing reality. A good one is to try name 5 things you can touch, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can smell etc. while you're experiencing some panic symptoms and this can help distract the mind and focus on other physical sensations

I think it's also really important that your daughter has someone to talk to. If she's reluctant to talk to other teens maybe a specialised psychologist in anxiety would help - maybe you could frame it as finding a way to fix the problem? Often panic becomes a loss less scary when a professional explains it to us.

Here to help more if you need!

Miz

[Bits12]

Thank you. She’s studying psychology at school and has read up on panic attacks since this happened. She knows in theory what is going on, but putting things into practice, and managing to see further than the next few miserable days is too much for her right now.

We are working with her GP to find a psychologist. Her GP is trying to call in a favour and find someone for her. All face to face services locally are booked out until January next year. We will try Telehealth or online as plan B.

If she gets to school, there are counsellor available, but she has to actually get there first.

She ate half a plain croissant today so that’s something at least.

[Bits12]

Another day of no school. Left after ten minutes of her first class yesterday, came home, slept for hours. Woke up, are a piece of plain toast, back to bed. Just went in to wake her up for school and she can barely lift her head off the pillow.

The school want a medical certificate. She’s booked in next Monday with her GP but now I have to drag her to a surgery today to get a piece of paper to keep the school happy. I’m just going to call them again and refuse. It’s not fair on her at all. I get that they have policies, but not today please.

We are supposed to be going to an exhibition this afternoon that she’s been looking forward to for months but she doesn’t want to go now. It was a present for her 17th birthday which is tomorrow. She doesn’t care. Doesn’t want to celebrate. Doesn’t even want a cake or any cards or gifts.

I’m falling apart. I know so many parents have to deal with much worse, and for many, many years. I feel guilty that I’m not coping after only a couple of weeks, but this is so new, so overwhelming and so completely unexpected that it’s destroying us right now.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Bits12,

It's so hard to read how much of a difficult time your daughter is having. It sounds like she thinks her world has flipped upside down from having a panic attack. Hearing the way you talk about how she is grieving for her old self and her life before this anxiety.

Is this something that she's told you? Or is it something that you feel to be true?

How do you feel about her experiences?

Your daughter can still be the bubbly one, the high achiever with a future that's amazing and full of hope while living with anxiety. It is not an either or situation. I'm not sure from your posts whether that's something that it's just her that believes it or it's just you that believes it too.

rt

[Bits12]

She has verbalised this herself. I spoke to the school counsellor this morning. She said the same thing to the counsellor. The counsellor also said that she is blaming herself for letting this happen.

It isn’t just the panic attack itself. It the fear of another one, of “losing it” in the classroom, or her classmates. It’s the embarrassment of becoming the weird kid who leaves the room in tears. She’s on high alert for any signs or symptoms all the time.

It’s early days, it’s raw and new for both of us? I know that it will be better. I don’t know how or when or how much better. I also don’t know how to help her get from here to there without losing too much of herself along the way.

I am pouring things out in here so that I can work through it in my own head.

I really appreciate everyone’s responses.

I will pay it forward to others when I am over my own crisis.

[Liamsi]

Im sorry to hear your daughter has had this experience, thank you for sharing...

I cannot overstate the help that a good psychologist can provide. Honestly, its second to none. They are so helpful in terms of techniques and exposure and support. I rolled my eyes at the thought, but now look back on my naiveness.

Keep in touch with us on here! We have such a great community here to support you, you and your daughter are not alone!