I just don't know...

[akitan]

Hello,

I am new to this thread and new to the thought that I may actually be suffering Anxiety, I'm not sure... I don't want to think I am because then I feel so selfish. My life is fine, I have a job with 40 hours a week, I have a boyfriend a house together... but can't shake it this unsecure feeling, like everything needs to be improved.

 A few years ago I went to my doctor with heart problems, well what I thought was heart problems. When ever I played netball and I ever got upset or angry at my performance in a game I would start yawning constantly, which would then grow into short of breath, my heart would race, my chest would tighten and I would become dizzy. I went to my doctor, test after test all situated around me maybe having an undiagnosable heart problem. I got annoyed and never went back. I have now quit netball, but sometimes suffer this same feeling out of nowhere.

 A couple years later, I then started a job which required me to work everyday for a whole month. As I did, a headache swept over me and everyday since I have had a constant headache everyday, my jaw is stiff, my neck is always sore (especially a small lump on my neck, which has been checked out and said it's "normal") and my shoulders are always tense. Especially behind my eyes and jaw (which is when I got glasses) After more tests, the doctor said.. "It's stress you have to quit your job". Which I find absurd because then ILL HAVE MORE STRESS, so once again, I gave up on the doctor.

I worry about money, all the time. I only ever keep a job for a year because I strive to find a job with better pay, better security, something "normal". I am constantly looking for more security and stability and it's frustrating. I want to be more, do more, earn more and I just feel like I'm never good enough. My boyfriend says I'm being silly because I always feel guilty I can't put more money, time and effort into our life together. but I just feel he is dissapointed. I have this same problem with my family. My dad recently lost his job and they were really struggling and I felt helpless! I just want to help everyone! I want to be able to support my boyfriend, support my parents, support my siblings, then I'll be happy.

 I have good days though, not everyday I feel like this. I do everyday have a headache but I feel good most days. usually these days come after I apply for a few jobs, do the dishes, save some money or just do something that makes me feel secure. I am not sure if I am just being over-reactive.. hormonal?

I have thought about Yoga, Pilates... but I just don't have the time - or is that just an excuse?

I just don't know. Can anyone help?

[Damien]

Hello Akitan,

Thanks for sharing. 🙂

You must never think that Anxiety is selfishness.  It can have that sort of cause, and indeed it can look like that, but in most cases Anxiety is either a response to a poor life situation (which you think doesn't appear to be you), or bad chemistry in your brain.  We don't think any worse of diabetic people for being low in insulin, even though that can make them moody, so why should we think less of people with low serotonin?  Maybe that is you, and if it is then it can be treated medically.

It sounds as though your doctor was not the most helpful when you went after your netball issues.  I am sorry to read that.  My doctor is great but I know some who aren't, and sadly I know people who experience Depression and Anxiety whose doctors are very unhelpful.  I hope you find/found a better doctor.  Some of your symptoms are familiar to me, I am an umpire in my local AFL league, and I am also the "I am the tightening of your chest" man on the new beyondblue films.  Everything you describe, even the tight jaw, is familiar to me as "normal" (that is to say clinical) Generalised Anxiety Disorder.

Find a doctor, and keep going until you find one who can hep you. There is medication available, as well as Psychology (to train you in new ways of thinking) and simple (to do) lifestyle advice like sleep and vitamins and proper balanced diet.  There are many things which might help you but it is best to find a GP to help you find and implement the right ones for you.  Yoga and pilates may very well help, so find the time to be good to yourself.

Bless,

Damien.