I hate Year 12

[abb01]

1. I'm in Year 12 this year, it feels like the year just started, but suddenly the end of the year is approaching so fast. Part of me is so scared to be an adult, but I don't even have time to focus on that part of me, or on the part of me that's excited. I'm just so overwhelmed with school work all the time. I've been feeling this stress all through high school, especially during quarantine, but these last few months, it's been especially bad. I remember, in Year 9, I had it all planned out, I was so sure I'd have a part time job by the time I was 16, I was going to get great grades, and my life would be do much fun. But I'm almost an adult now, and STILL haven't had my first job. Or my first anything, tbh. Covid's messed everything up. And I just feel so stressed, and so angry sometimes, and I know that there's all these ways to be happier and healthier, and all I've got to do is do them, but I just can't get the motivation somehow. Whenever I feel stressed, I do things to myself that I hate, and I feel way to embarrassed to ever tell anyone about. Either that, or I binge eat tons of food after not eating for days. But somehow, when I do that, my mum always finds out, and she gets so mad at me. But I'm always already feeling mad enough at myself. After doing any of these things, I just hate myself so much, more than I've ever hated anyone in my life. What's worse is I know that there's heaps of simple ways for me to help myself, like just by just stopping doing the things I do to myself. And I know that I'm just so lazy and stupid for not helping myself, after all these years. But part of me also feels like I don't even deserve to get better, I don't deserve to be happy. I just hate myself so much, I hate everything about me, I hate the way I look, and act, and think. I just see so many perfect ppl around me, living perfect lives, and I'm not even trying to be pretty or successful, coming on this chat is the best I've done for myself in ages, but I guess it's better than nothing. I just don't know what to do anymore.

[Sophie_M]

Dear abb01

We’re really glad you could come to the forum to share this with our community. We know it isn’t easy to share something like this, but we think it’s a powerful step and we really appreciate your openness and bravery in sharing.

Growing up and reaching the end of our schooling can be so overwhelming and stressful, not to mention exams and finishing year 12. We want you to know that you're not alone, and COVID has created a lot of the same issues for our young people in particular - please be kind to yourself and give yourself time to catch up on the lost time a lot of our young people have experienced during this pandemic.

We’ve reached out to you privately to make sure you’re ok. If you want to reach out to our counsellors to talk this through, we’re on 1300 22 4636, and you can reach us online here. There’s also our friends over at KidsHelpLine 1800 55 1800 (24/7 - they also have online chat), or even Lifeline on 13 11 14 (all of these have online chat options available too, if you prefer to type rather than phone).

We wondered if you’d like to share some of the things that have helped you in the past? Maybe it’s calling a friend or a helpline, exercising, or using an app for mindfulness or distraction? Our lovely forum members have shared some of the things they do instead of harming themselves on a p...

We also really suggest you have a chat with your school counsellor, or maybe even getting in contact with Headspace. Another go to is your doctor, or the Butterfly Foundation. Whatever you do, please don't do this alone.

Please keep sharing your words on our forums. Many forum members may have experience with some of the challenges you mention and we think you will find great value in all of their kind and supportive responses.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Petal22]

Hi ab001,

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

ab001 please tell yourself positive things about yourself.

You are a beautiful human being and you deserve all of the LOVE you can give to yourself.

Life isn’t a race it’s a journey and all of the things you desperately want now will come when the time is right.

I understand you binge eat and your mum gets mad……. this isn’t your fault and there are ways that you can learn to manage this.

You could have a chat to your gp about the way you are feeling and what you are experiencing .

You also aren’t responsible for your mums reactions your mum is.

You can’t control what others do but you can control your reaction to it…. That’s where your power is.

You need to build yourself up with positive words …. Please feed your mind with positive things.

You deserve all of the happiness in the world sometimes we think that happiness is found on the outside of us but the truth is happiness is found inside ourselves and part of this happiness comes from what we tell ourselves.

You may look at others and think they portray the most happiest lives but this may not be the case at all……. Looks can be deceiving and it’s our perceptions that lead us to our realisations.

[geoff]

Hello abb01, year 12 is an incredibly difficult year because it's the doorway to what you hope your future will entail, but one thing we forget, is that if this doesn't evolve, there are always other options to choice from, which certainly happened with me.

In year 12 we jam our mind with facts, figures and knowledge we have been taught but when the exams are finished it's all forgotten and make a huge sigh of relief.

This year, amongst the previous years has been stressful because of COVID, but this is what happens in life, there are always challenges.

You see other people who you believe have been successful, but undoubtedly it's not always easy for them and just because they seem to be looking good and confident, no one actually knows, but just take your time, and try and even out your meals and what I had aimed for in year 12 didn't turn out, but I had unexpected achievements in a couple of other areas which I'm pleased happened.

Take care.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[abb01]

Life is so stressful and painful nowadays, but I feel like I could get through it if I had just one friend. Even if it's a fake friend,I just want one person to notice I exist, and actually care about me. I'm in year 12, but I've been homeschooled my entire life. I don't even know what it's like to have a friend, I've never had even one person in my life who I can talk to. And I feel like I would make friends if i was in school or some kind of social gathering, it's just that I don't even have the opportunity to meet new people, especially people my age. I can definitely never talk to my parents about anything, Ive tried a few times, and it only makes it worse. I wish there was someone in my life who I could call, someone to talk to. I only go into a social environment a couple times a week, but I think I've gotten pretty good at talking to people and making friends. I just never have the opportunity. I don't know where I can go to meet new people, particularly somewhere that's free, because my parents would never spend extra money on that. I think I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.

[ecomama]

Dearest abb01, you're not alone entirely. You have another family now, your BB family. We care about you and will be here for you AS LONG AS you want to stay! 

Just remember, the situation you're in is TEMPORARY. Yeah I know, it feels like it takes for forever to get to another place. Getting to Year 12 is a MASSIVE achievement in itself! 
GO YOU! 
Almost at the finish line for this HUGE achievement sweet thing. 

HSC has to be one of the most trying things for young people to go through, outside of dramatic events ofcourse. 
We do know it is stressful and I'm really sorry it feels so isolating right now. 

I'm not sure why your parents won't talk with you about how you're feeling, esp since it was their decision to Home School you all your education. Possibly they want to protect you from the world? IDK. 

Have you got a Calendar where you can mark off the days until your last exam is finished? 

The very moment you can, you can get a part time or full time job over the break. 
Do you have your sights on Uni? 

You can join the e-Headspace Counselling service to have immediate contact with a Counsellor there. 
Hugs, please keep talking to us here! 

Love EM

[Petal22]

I understand that being home schooled would feel lonely.

Im sorry you haven’t been able to connect to people your age, I understand that you want to.

Are you interested in any types of  sport?

[geoff]

Hello abb01, it must be disappointing for you not to be able to talk with your parents or even for them to begin to understand what you are struggling with, but as much as you can't call us, you can still talk with us and establish friendships.

We are here for you.

Geoff.

Life Member.