I had a car accident

grovi · ‎21-05-2016

And it was entirely my own fault. I tried crossing two lanes of traffic on a street that I've done it a million times before. It was really busy and a guy opened up a gap for me. I was so focussed on missing an accident in those later lanes that i forgot for an instant to double check the closest ones which seemed completely clear. Noone was hurt, and there was only really minor damage to the cars. I just didn't see him. The insurance has accepted all claims but I'm still so wrecked with guilt over the situation.

I'm so ashamed that I can't bring myself to tell anyone. I'm so scared to get back in the car because I'm paranoid that I'll miss something somehow. And I'm so scared that this is going to become one of those things that just stays with me for years and years to come. I have had major issues with guilt / shame anxiety in the past. It's partially the lack of personal concequence that's really messing with me. Everything ended so neatly and almost too well. I am thankful for this but at the same time I feel as though I should have been fined, punished somehow. On the one hand I feel as though I deserve to have this anxiety, but I don't know how to stop feeling this way, and I really don't think I can handle dwelling on this kind of shame again for as long as I did last time.

pipsy · ‎21-05-2016

Hi grovi. I'm so sorry for you with having had an accident. Not sure of your age or driving experience, but when it comes to accidents, particularly driving accidents, no-one is exempt. Even the most experienced driver with 100's of hours experience can make a slip-up. The good thing is, no-one was seriously hurt, no-one was killed. A suggestion here, what you could think about doing, contact a reputable driving school. Explain what happened and how. Ask if it's possible for one of their instructors to help you return to driving. When the instructor comes, tell him about your fear of getting back behind the wheel. Ask if it's possible for them to take you out in your own car. Most instructors are schooled in helping first time drivers, you could just about put yourself in this category. It IS important you get back into the car a.s.a.p. Like falling off a horse or anything. The first thing you do is get back in the race. The longer you put it off, the harder it's going to get.

Lynda.

Dwwmills · ‎21-05-2016

Hello grovi.

I think the short answer is that you have to except that you’re
human and forgive yourself for making a mistake. You said that you “deserve to
have this anxiety, should have been fined or punished somehow.” I think you’re
holding yourself to a standard which is completely unrealistic. I don’t think
anyone else would hold you to this standard and I suspect you wouldn’t hold
anyone else to it either. You had an “Accident” not an “I did it on purpose” or
an “I am irresponsible and need to be punished”. We make mistakes all day long
yours just happened to be at a time where it had consequences. No one was hurt
so that’s fantastic.

That said I’m not trying to minimise the fright and how
unnerving it can be to be involved in an accident. Your confidence may take a hit
for a little while and pipsy’s idea of getting a driving instructor if you are
finding it difficult to get back on the road is a great idea.

Be kind to yourself as you would be to someone else in the
same situation. You deserve that. Give it a little bit of time and you will
feel much better I’m sure. No one is perfect.

Dean

Mummybee · ‎25-05-2016

Hi Grovi,

I understand how you feel about "Worring that ill miss something somehow". Sometimes something like a car accident or when you forget to do something really important you lose a bit of faith in yourself. Things you have always done on auto pilot (like driving) becomes something scary because you fear you have lost the ability to do it properly and safely anymore.

This is of course untrue, but the anxious mind, or even those without anxiety can feel this way after your kind of experience. I think its normal.

As far as what to do to get past it? I would suggest getting back on the horse. Of course you will be more aware and tuned in to what youre doing for a while, but that will settle with time. You will soon be driving again on auto pilot, as safely as ever.

People make mistakes, little ones, big ones. Its what makes us human. The way we go forward from there tells more about our skills in life than the mistakes we make.

Mummybee

hussyawan1122

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way, but please remember that accidents happen, and you’ve already done the right thing by addressing it with insurance. It’s completely normal to feel guilty, but it's important to be kind to yourself. You've learned from the situation, and everything ended as well as it could. If you're struggling with the anxiety, it might help to talk to a professional to work through those feelings. For the car damage, a smash repair shop can help get your vehicle back in shape. Don’t be too hard on yourself—you're human, and mistakes happen.