i feel there is no cure

[gel]

genetically born with social anxiety. only 20 yrs old. extrovert stuck in introvert body. physically can't handle social situations so I avoid them because it messes me up more. If i don't sociallise and stay home, I hate myself for not socialising, but if I was to socialise I hate myself for socialising because I couldnt be who I wanted to be and physically couldnt cope, talk and in so much distress and everything gets worse and the cycle repeats. Constant Anxiety whether at home or not. Anxiety symptoms if I go out: puffy eyes, grey whites of eyes, sore eyes, watery eyes, faint, gonna pass out, extreme dizzy, feel physically ill, dry mouth, physically cant talk sometimes, literally CAN NOT sociallise when I long to and wish to and want to but physical symptoms come and i literally physically can not no matter how much I need/want to. So I cant see a psychologist because I literally can not communicate my problems plus its genetic so I have nothing to talk about to find the issue and socialising like that would make it worse no matter how many times I went. For the last 2 years Ive been going to the doctor for it. Recently developed depression from going to doctors because nothing was working and I'll never be better because there is NO cure. tried SSRI, MAOI, antipsychotics, benzo's, and nothing works at all. WHAT CAN I DO?? IM WASTING AWAY WORTHLESS WITH NO LIFE, HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO DO THIS FOR? HOW COME NO ONE ELSE HAS TO GO THROUGH THIS TO LIVE JUST 1 DAY.

[Croix]

Dear Gel~

You sound very down with no way out. I have felt that way, where all avenues were dead ends, where all was hopeless - exhausting, where I was just a burden, where the world seemed full of 'normal 'people far removed from me. I've been physically unable to talk and except for the eyes had all the same sort of physical symptoms too

It's horrible. Mine was not genetic, though maybe the susceptibility was. Either way there is indeed hope, there was for me, and now I'm pretty good, and there is for you - the way is there to be found and grasped. Genetic does not mean non-changing, it means how you started out.

I was a policeman and was invalided out the force with PTSD, chronic anxiety and depression. At my worst I was hospitalized. I'm not cured, but an awful lot better, able to lead a mainly happy life with accomplishment and love in it.

You said I literally can not communicate my problems - I disagree - you just did most effectively! I found I was hopeless explaining things in a consultation. The only way for me was to write them down at my leisure - taking as long as I wanted - and share the paper at the time.

Social anxiety, if it is anything like chronic anxiety -and it sounds very much the same as me when I was very bad - is not something I found responded well to long term to medication - and believe me I've had umpteen different sorts over the years.

I found the indirect approaches - therapies if you like - worked much better. First these was reduction of general background stress, i.e. eating well, exercise, keeping away from things I knew were triggers.

Second was formal therapy. In many cases that consists partly of talking about situations and partly trying to ease you into milder situations gently - baby steps.

Thirdly is self help. This too consists of going into milder situations and becoming acclimatized, and secondly having methods to hand at the time to combat symptoms as they try to take over. For me that was breathing steadily, relaxing my body, thinking different thoughts that had calmed me in the past.

There are various techniques and apps listed in The Facts above. Please have a read.

Also have a browse around the Anxiety and Depression areas of the Forum, see if there is anything you relate to. I personally found:

Forums/ Anxiety/ SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING ANXIETY

To be a help, you have to dig, it's a bit long

You are more than welcome to keep posting, there will be understanding and care when you do

Croix

[BballJ]

Hi Gel,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

Croix gave some amazing feedback and advice which I hope you take on board. It must be a tough cycle to go around in with not being about to socialise and wanting to and vice versa. These forums may help a lot as you can speak about how you feel without the face to face communication so I encourage you to post back as much as you like even just to talk about every day stuff. I am hoping there will be others on here who can offer advice on the social anxiety as I haven't suffered from that form of anxiety.

Always here to talk for support.

My best for you,

Jay

[Dr_Kim]

Hi Gel,

It makes total sense to me that you feel disempowered by your social anxiety. It is a super overwhelming feeling and is not easy to override. 

You are correct that if you have a strong family history of anxiety, you are more likely to inherit it. However, that does not mean you have no hope of managing the symptoms and gaining control of it.

Your treatment involves a LONG road of many types of treatments, probably all together.

So - as suggested, the "lifestyle" factors are extremely important- exercise, diet, sleep and mindfulness . Some Studies are showing them to be as important in treatment as medication in the treatment of depression or anxiety.

Then there is the "cognitive challenging " you must get used to doing. This involves recognizing which thoughts are coming from that "social anxiety Centre" of your brain and actively standing up to them. So when your anxious brain says "I can't go, I will be sick" or “I’ll never get better" , you notice those messages are coming from the anxious brain and see if you can get your healthy brain to come up with an alternative thought that challenges or discredits the anxious brains assertions. Or your healthy brain may choose to ignore anxious thoughts or distract yourself from them .

Of course I am making all sound so simple and clearly it isn't or you would not be struggling now. This is where some good guidance and support comes in. You can do this via intense inpatient stays in a hospital (this is especially relevant if you have private health insurance as some of the small private psychiatric hospitals have excellent inpatient or outpatient programmes). Or you can see your GP and get referred to a psychologist who specialises in this therapy. 

For ideas about  mental health practitioners  in your area: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/find-a-professional

Or you can go to a GROUP ! I know this sounds a ridiculous suggestion as you are scared of groups of people but this is a support group of people like you so everyone feels like you do and will absolutely understand. 

Look at these for ideas 

https://www.arcvic.org.au/anxiety-disorders/social-anxiety-disorder

http://www.anxietyaustralia.com.au/anxiety-disorders/social-anxiety/

Remember ALL modes of therapy take months to really kick so get ready for a long haul...

I’m so sorry that medications have not settled things down for you . You might like to concentrate on the other ways to help and then think about them again after you have started trying other modes of therapy. 

[Muddlee]

Hi gel,

Thanks for reaching out dude, that takes so much courage and bravery and as Croix said does indeed show you CAN communicate. It shows that you want to change and shows that you haven't given up, no matter how hard and frustrating things can get. You're a trooper dude, and with the right treatment, support and a bit of time you WILL find your cure I promise you.

The reason I'm saying this is because I suffered from social anxiety as well and still do. I'm 21 now and have been suffering since 18. It was bad. I trembled everytime I spoke, felt petrified even with friends, felt like crying, had nothing to say (sometimes even saying "hello" took so much effort, yes even "hello"), struggled to pronounce simple words and more. I felt depressed regularly. But then I sought help from a psychologist. I honestly thought it wouldn't work as I believed I couldn't even talk with them. But I could! From the first session I felt so comfortable and they honestly don't care if you don't talk at all during sessions (trust me I did this for about 30 minutes one session). Over time they teach you techniques to help manage your anxiety and with time you will heal, its inevitable. Only now, 2 years on, I feel like I can have a proper conversation again. You're not alone on this one pal, believe me.

Muddleee