I feel so drained from being in public :(

[Alannah57]

I have a problem: I feel drained from being in public. I feel ashamed of myself, embarrassed, and like I stick out like a sore thumb. My heart rate goes up, I can’t concentrate, and my self esteem just plummets. It’s a problem because I’m looking for jobs at the moment, but every part of my body is basically screaming “get home, close the curtains and hide!!!”. I mumble, fidget and walk around really fast, or my voice shakes. If I’m out for a few hours, my mental anxiety gets so bad that I have to shut myself away in my room for hours, sometimes days. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I’ve been struggling with this for so long, and it’s getting to a point where I have to be able to find work/go to work and go to uni without feeling exhausted, confused, ashamed and overwhelmed. Does anyone else experience this? How have you gotten help? I would love to discuss this.

[quirkywords]

Alannah,

welcome to the forum. Thanks for writing your post and sharing your story. This is a caring, friendly and supportive community.

You are not alone many people experience what you are experiencing.

Have you ever spoken to your doctor or a counsellor about how you feel?

On this site there is information about social anxiety and how to cope.

I had a cousin who used to be scared to go out in public who eventually through different techniques learnt how to cope. She does have days when she finds it very difficult but she now has a part time job something she would not have been able to do before.

Thanks again for sharing

Quirky

[MsPurple]

Hi Alannah and welcome to the forums

It sounds like you may have aspects of anxiety (and maybe social anxiety). I'll attach a video link below beyond blue made. I find it helpful because it made me feel less alone, if they made an ad on it then it's not just me.

I myself have have GAD. I had aspects of my heart racing, racing thoughts, intrusive thoughts. It got really bad for a while. I decided I couldn't deal with it alone anymore. I went to headspace (which was a youth mental health service). I have since gone to a gp, have a mental health plan and see a psychologist every now and again to keep me on track. I feel better than I have felt in a long time. But at my worse I coudln't imagine it ever getting better. But it can get better if you are willing to get some help.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYn86bNQVjk

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi Alannah, I agree with MsPurple, it sounds like you may be experiencing anxiety. Rest assured this is something that can be treated with the right help and you are not alone - plenty of people suffer with anxiety (myself too in the past). I remember a few times before going to parties and other social events I would shake, feel nauseaus and break out sweating. A little bit of anxiety is healthy, but because it's getting in the way of your every day life, work and university I think it'd be great for you to talk to a psychologist who can help you with some techniques to get you on the right path and to find out why you may be feeling this way. Let us know how it goes.

[Croix]

Dear Alannah57~

I read elsewhere you were having times when you simply burst into tears. This is not that surprising. Reading what you've said here I'd have to agree with MsPurple that you may have an anxiety condition. I'm not a doctor to diagnose you, just someone with such a condition myself. Feeling exhausted, confused, ashamed and overwhelmed is very familiar.

Crying came as a major and frightening thing for me. Up until I became ill I never cried. Brought up in an environment where males simply did not cry. So when it happen it was a loss of control - which frighted me a lot - and seemed inexplicable and not really related to my surroundings. Embarrassing and demeaning. It actually started to happen at work and I had to beat a quick retreat to gain privacy.

I know now it was a symptom of my anxiety (and my other conditions too probably) along with panic attacks and various physical reactions too. I never found an instant quick fix. As my condition improved I cried less until now I'm OK.

Actually your thinking suicidal thoughts as you mentioned in another thread is the thing that concerns me the most. You have not mentioned getting any medical support recently and may be trying to soldier on by yourself. Doing that was not good for me. I kept getting worse. I found the trapped feelings get more powerful and frequent

May I suggest you see your doctor and in a long consultation set out all that is happening to you, the listlessness, the crying, the wanting to isolate yourself and your suicidal thoughts? I realize how hard it can be to do this. So hard I found I had to write it all down first and share the paper. Otherwise I'd muddle things, and leave out frightening and embarrassing things too. The doctor did need a complete picture to give the correct treatment.

Do you have anyone to care and support you? I had my partner (and she had her mum), it made a world of difference.

I'll mention in passing universities have confidential disability services that can help with deadlines and deferments. If you see your doctor you may be able to get referral.

I'm sure that like me things will get an whole lot better with the correct support. Life sounds very miserable at the moment for you and really does need improving.

Croix

[Alannah57]

Dear Jessicatherese94, MissPurple,Quirkywords and Croix.

I found this reply so helpful. I’m sorry about your struggles with anxiety. The confusion, shame and sense of being overwhelmed have been so strange because nothing has really brought them on. I started getting help late last year and it’s so good. It’s just so odd to be coping fine, and then to start getting nervous and negative thoughts. I’m seeing a counsellor to figure things out 🙂

[MsPurple]

Hi Alannah

Thanks for coming back and checking it. Anxiety is can be at bay one day and in overdrive the next day. It can be frustrating as you can feel you have a handle on it and something knocks you back. However if it knocks you back it is easier to bounce back if you have the right tools. That's how I feel at the moment anyways